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to want to be there for all my children's firsts?

(168 Posts)
Mytimewillcome Fri 08-Feb-13 08:45:16

I suppose I don't really understand the people who say that they don't mind if, say their mil, can take their children to the park for the first time. I'd rather do that if at all humanly possible. I see it as some of these people wanting to do firsts with our children have already done it with theirs so surely if we want to we should be able to and not have to worry about someone else trying to take that moment away from us? It annoys me that someone like me is labelled as being selfish. Surely its the other person who is selfish for wanting to take that moment away from me?

Mytimewillcome Fri 08-Feb-13 09:19:59

Can I just ask how seeing my child's reaction to seeing their hero Iggle Piggle on stage for the first time was a performance for my own benefit? I saw lots of people watching their children's reactions rather than looking at what was going on on stage. Same thing isn't it?

Kiriwawa Fri 08-Feb-13 09:22:17

But don't you take kids to the park from the time they are babies? The first time I took DS to the park he was 1 week old. So it's not like there's a massive moment of revelation when they see a slide for the first time and are able to go down it on their own. confused

Best way to ensure you get all the firsts is to be a single parent - it's an endless series of firsts grin

Not bothered really...how can you be there for every first?? First steps?? Yeah, can understand that one but apart from that. I am a working mum too.......my DS's CM phoned me at work one day to say DS had announced to her he wanted to wear pants and not nappies anymore so she there and then took off his nappy and started potty training.....was I bothered?? Nope, saved me a job as after he made this announcement he was more or less sorted, lol.

As long as I am there when he needs me then all is good. I remember when he was a baby getting all het up about what age he was sitting up, drinking out of a proper cup etc etc....now he is the grand old age of 10 and I can't remember what age he was when he hit these "milestones"

WhichIsBest Fri 08-Feb-13 09:25:43

I agree with zillion. Just because someone else has given my baby a rattle to play with before, I won't enjoy it any less when I see my baby enjoying playing with the rattle, for the first time for me!

seeker Fri 08-Feb-13 09:26:43

"Even nurseries say that if they see a child taking their first step they'll encourage them to do it at home."

Only because some parents are bonkers! I wouldn't send my child to a nursery that held them back like that.

Sugarice Fri 08-Feb-13 09:27:12

I had to go back to work when ds1 was 4 months old.

I probably missed out on lots of firsts but needs must and all that.

I might have lots of regrets at what I did miss but hey I can't remember that far back and that's life.

I don't blame you for feeling like you should be the first one to see the milestones but realistically is it possible to always be there?

seeker Fri 08-Feb-13 09:27:47

I would put money on this being a clandestine MIL thread............!!!!

Trills Fri 08-Feb-13 09:28:56

YANBU to wish it but YWBVU to expect things to work out that way, unless you plan on staying awake 24/7 with your eyes pointed at your child (and if you have more than one child, never having the get more than 3 feet away from one another)

SminkoPinko Fri 08-Feb-13 09:29:25

An iggle piggle worshipping session isn't really a first though, is it? not in the way that first word first steps first day at school first tooth type things are? sounds like you just want to be there when your baby is doing stuff s/he loves, which is great, but needn't preclude others from being there too or from othets sometimes spending quality time with her/him without you.

aufaniae Fri 08-Feb-13 09:31:40

If you're going to count things like going to the park or seeing Iggle Piggle as a "first" then you are being unrealistic! Especially if you're not there all the time.

What are your DC and their carers supposed to do when you're not there? Make sure they don't do anything new as you'll be missing a first?! This is not putting your DCs best interests first.

If you're working away from home you need to let go a little and let your children experience new and exciting things when you're not there, as well as when you are.

I suppose it depends on your set up, but in my world YABU.

Persons providing other childcare (in my case nursery and MIL) ought to be, in my view, empowered to enjoy providing it as much as possible. This can only be to the child's benefit.

(Although my MIL went right ahead and bought my child's first walking shoes. Even childless friends were slightly ahgast at that one.)

Floggingmolly Fri 08-Feb-13 09:32:30

The first time you see it is the first time, for you.

Sirzy Fri 08-Feb-13 09:34:04

DS is 3, I can't remember the first time he went to the park it was nothing memorable and probably involved me helping him do things because he couldn't really do it (which was the case for the first few months of park trips).

Now trips to the park are fun and sometimes he does something which is memorable.

Its not the first which are memorable it is the other little things which can happen at any point.

Sirzy Fri 08-Feb-13 09:36:35

I took DS to see in the night garden live last year, that was his first time seeing iggle piggle live. I would have happily let someone else sit through that.. unfortunately DS loved it so wants to go again, I am working on the grandparents wink

seeker Fri 08-Feb-13 09:37:09

I was queuing for cups of tea in the park when ds walked for the first time. My friend came sprinting across to get me- but I missed it, obviously. He did it again, though. Still doing it, actually!

Floggingmolly Fri 08-Feb-13 09:37:50

Oh Jesus, I've just seen your Iggle Piggle post... In 6 months time, your child won't recall the first time they saw Iggle Piggle, let alone who was there to share the momentous occasion with them. You need to calm down.

Molehillmountain Fri 08-Feb-13 09:40:55

Thing is, my mum was there for all my firsts. I'd rather have had a mother who was emotionally stable and able to love me properly. And if any of the firsts happen with my dpil, it's a sign that they have grandparents who love them, want to be with them and are capable of doing so. I can understand why you feel as you do, op, but actually the firsts are tiny moments, important to you. The rest of the time surrounding the firsts is the stuff that counts for your long term relationship with your dc.

IME, this kind of thing matters at lot at the time, and then matters less and less as time goes by.

If you could make the judgement with this hindsight, things may be less "fraught" at the time.

Quenelle Fri 08-Feb-13 09:47:29

I can't believe a nursery would actually discourage a child from taking their first step so they can do it at home. I believe a nursery might say that to make a daft parent feel better though.

I remember loving seeing DS experience going in a swing at the park for the first time so I do kind of know what you mean. But I didn't see his first steps because I was in the kitchen and he was in the living room with DH so with every will in the world it's unrealistic to think you're not going to miss some things.

I don't think it's worth falling out with family over. DS's grandparents are getting on in years and we are aware that they probably won't have decades to spend watching him grow up. It's important to me that he enjoys a close, loving, independent relationship with them while he can so I wouldn't let petty squabbles about who takes him ice skating for the first time or whatever spoil it.

HKat Fri 08-Feb-13 09:47:56

I understand what you are saying but I agree with the others who have pointed out that it will still be the first time YOU see them doing these things, so what's the difference?

SminkoPinko Fri 08-Feb-13 09:50:29

iggle piggle love is often fairly short lived, luckily, so you might not have to go again, sirzy. hopefully! They move on to other programmes and start to scorn the night garden as a programme for babies. my 3 year old has now rejected quite a few programmes she was previously passionate about. she gets really really cross if night garden, everything's rosie, baby jake and one ortwo others come on and switches the tv off in a petulant fashion.

I remember taking my DS to the park when he was a week old - I doubt he remembers it though !
I've taken him and DD lots of other times too, and sometimes there have bee firsts I expect - First time round the tree on a bike, first time on pogo stick, first time up a tree !
Even with first words and first steps, they're not always completely definitive - more a case of several nice moments, which if you're lucky you'll catch some of !
Special moments are for sharing around smile

mrsjay Fri 08-Feb-13 09:52:08

the moment seriously I do think you need to unclench a wee bit will you never let anybody near your baby unless they hear them fart for the first time grin tbh by the time they are my childrens ages you wont remember any of what you are going on about life is far too short to be so bloody precious

ceeveebee Fri 08-Feb-13 09:52:31

I kind of agree but accept that it isn't possible to be there for every precious moment - I work 3 days so likely to miss some things.
My DH works 5 days so he'll probably miss most of the firsts. Wonder if he feels guilty too?

mrsjay Fri 08-Feb-13 09:53:37

I am working on the grandparents

do it I saw that iggle piggle on this morning freaked me out so glad i dont have little ones anymore , that in the night garden is creepy

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