to have a theory about people who talk all the time?

[Hullygully]

We have had a few threads about this, and I have been thinking about it a lot and I have a theory. I was looking at the few friends I have who talk incessantly, largely about themselves, and realised that what they have in common is that they were all neglected as children, as in, no one listened to them, or if they did listen, they didn't "hear" them and respond and engage for various reasons.

So my theroy is that it is a "me me look at me I exist" desperate need for attention as proof of existence.

What do you think?

[meditrina]

Agree: and would add 'living with an inattentive spouse' as a further reason. Whether it's natural character, or sign of turning away from marriage possibly for an affair, it's a killer to self esteem.

[AmberLeaf]

Quite possibly yes.

Yes I would say that feelings of not being acknowledged would feature highly.

[Feminine]

Sometimes its just people that don't get the chance to 'share' that often.

Or...they actually haven't learnt how to have a conversation. You'd think that would be a natural thing, I believe many people just don't know how?

your theory is also accurate. YANBU :)

[Hullygully]

Oh god yes the spouse thing. Interesting how they go on to choose a spouse who is tuned out - is that just choosing what you know and are familiar with?

[MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson]

Hmmmm, well I didn't have a fantastic childhood and my mum never listened to me but as a result I am more the opposite; I am conscious of not pissing people off and think no one would really want to hear what I have to say anyway, so I don't tend to talk loads.

[MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson]

Perhaps the spouses just become tuned out over time when the talkative person just never stops talking....

[PrincessRagnhild]

I think it's a good theory. YANBU. The people I know who talk incessantly and mostly about themselves often seem to be trying to justify things about themselves and their lives, so I think it comes from a kind of insecurity.

[Hullygully]

Did anyone else listen to you MrsMangel?

[MiniTheMinx]

People I know that are like this come from big families. I just assumed that they needed to make a lot of noise to be noticed as children. I also notice that adults who grew up in large families are grabby with food.

[Nagoo]

I didn't feel neglected or not listened to.

I can talk for England, possibly as the opposite of MrsMangel, I don't tend to worry what people will think. Also I have a optimistic view of what people are thinking so I don't really feel like people will judge me or think mean things about what I do say.

[nemno]

Gosh no, this is totally not true for the 2 most talkative people I know. Both appear to have been the favoured child.

[doyouwantfrieswiththat]

YANBU

Does that make it more bearable, or less?

[Nagoo]

A person who wasn't tuned out to incessant gibbering would go mad though surely. It would just get louder and louder.

[MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson]

As a child, Hully? Yes my nan always had time for me and always listened. My dad was never really there as worked all hours in a city job.

Even now if I talk my mum just says 'yeah yep yep' very impatiently as if whatever I'm saying is boring.

[Hullygully]

yes, of course there can be other reasons too, I wonder if being indulgd as a child has the same effect as nemno suggests?

Nagoo, do you let other people speak though? Do you interrupt and are you told by people that you talk too much?

[Hullygully]

So you had someone, MrsMangel, at least. The people I am thinking of weren't listened to by anyone.

[Nagoo]

We I, possibly only me use a term, 'Cooper' for a person who is hyper-talkative because they have had no one to converse with for a while (from being cooped-up).

[valiumredhead]

I agree.

[Hullygully]

fries - more bearable! You can always draw deep from the sympathy well when you want to kill them...

[Nagoo]

No, I just think I talk more than most people. I don't do awkward silence :)

MrsMangel was your mum like that with everyone?

[onepieceoflollipop]

I think there is some truth in this, going by my own childhood experiences. However, although I talk a lot, I am quite self aware and have learnt not to talk about myself so much. Also I learnt that if I did talk a lot about myself, I always felt worse afterwards as I would then ruminate about whether I had upset people/monopolised the conversation/been boring.
All of that is related, imo, to my emotionally neglectful upbringing.

[PrincessRagnhild]

Some people are just massively extroverted too. My grandma and aunt never shut up, but it's more because they are only interested in people and talking and get bored without them because they have no other hobbies.

[hattymattie]

I have three majorly talkative children. Honestly they talk all they time - I think it must be genetic (although I definitely talk less than the middle one). I never felt not listened to or neglected and similarly there is a lot of lively debate in our house as well as jockeying for position. I think some people are just naturally more talkative than others.

I do think maybe if you're neglected you possibly close yourself down into a shell.

[Hullygully]

See, that's different nagoo. Some peolpe ar emore talkative than others, but that's different to the incessant obsessive talkers.

[MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson]

Nagoo, I think so yes. She's always been a bit impatient and intolerant. She had more time for my siblings than she did for me though. As the oldest I was forgotten about.