to think it is strange to change someone's present?

(93 Posts)
JaneFonda Tue 05-Feb-13 18:36:27

I'll try to keep this as simple as possible, without giving away too many details.

For Christmas, MIL and FIL suggested getting something quite expensive for DS1's Christmas present. He would have absolutely loved it, and would have had many years of use out of it. Because it was quite expensive, me and DP offered to pay some of it, but instead they suggested having it as a joint birthday/Christmas present. I thought this was a great idea, then it was 100% from them IYSWIM, and the price was then okay for a birthday and Christmas present combined.

The present wasn't to arrive until around January/February time, but DS was absolutely fine with that, as he knew it was worth waiting for.

However, this evening, they phoned us up to say that they had got DS a violin for the present instead. Which, while lovely, is not something that DS has shown interest in, or said he wanted as a present.

I am genuinely prepared to accept IABU, by the way, I don't want to seem ungrateful but I am a little upset for DS. I know that finances aren't a problem for them (we would have happily paid towards it anyway), so AIBU to think that this is strange of them?

manicbmc Tue 05-Feb-13 18:39:27

Why a violin? And what was the original present?

ChiefOwl Tue 05-Feb-13 18:41:06

Er yes, v.odd what was the original present and how old is ds?

Also are they planning on paying for his lessons as imagine that will be expensive!!

ENormaSnob Tue 05-Feb-13 18:41:09

Yanbu

Juanca Tue 05-Feb-13 18:41:42

Seems strange to get him a violin unless he had expressed an interest in one! Maybe they've regifted it? grin

CrapBag Tue 05-Feb-13 18:42:43

YANBU.

How odd.

SpicyPear Tue 05-Feb-13 18:42:59

YANBU. How odd.

SpicyPear Tue 05-Feb-13 18:44:01

Great minds CrapBag. Except yours even has paragraphs.

Crikeyblimey Tue 05-Feb-13 18:45:40

What a bizarre thing to buy someone who doesn't already play / have an interest in.

What was the original gift? Was it an instrument?

DameFanny Tue 05-Feb-13 18:45:54

Does he even play the violin? Or do they really, really hate you? grin

JaneFonda Tue 05-Feb-13 18:47:25

DS is 8.

Oh, sorry, I am an idiot, I completely forgot to say what the original present was going to be! It was going to be tennis club membership for the club DS goes to.

He has never expressed an interest in the violin, or actually music of any type - he is a very sporty boy!

Perhaps this is their way of encouraging his musical side? I have no idea.

Cherriesarelovely Tue 05-Feb-13 18:47:31

I think that is vu of them. You don't promise a child an exciting gift, make them wait several months for it and then give them something completely differentthat they don't want! Having said that it is a difficult thing to broach.

Cherriesarelovely Tue 05-Feb-13 18:48:48

Well in that case Jane it is really strange and unfair.

ginmakesitallok Tue 05-Feb-13 18:49:31

YANBU - why on earth did they get him a violin? Did they get him the lessons to go with it?

DameFanny Tue 05-Feb-13 18:49:57

Violin lessons would be a constant drain on your finances, and the noise he will make forthe first year or so will approximate a randy, constipated cat.

So, do your ILs like you do you know?!

JaneFonda Tue 05-Feb-13 18:50:06

DP thinks they got it free from someone, because they were talking about getting it valued.

That doesn't matter to me - I don't care if it was free or a thousand pounds, I think the idea of a present is that it is something you know the other person will like and enjoy. This is neither of those things!

I feel really disappointed for DS, bless his heart - when he heard he was getting a violin instead, he spoke to them on the phone and said thank you very much etc., but later when he was tucked up in bed he did say, "So does this mean I can't play tennis anymore?"

Narked Tue 05-Feb-13 18:51:27

How odd. Are they going to pay for lessons?

SpicyPear Tue 05-Feb-13 18:53:12

I was just wondering of they'd somehow been given it. The more I think about it the more upset I am for him. Are they normally mean?

Juanca Tue 05-Feb-13 18:53:24

Sell it and buy tennis club membership for a year.

Narked Tue 05-Feb-13 18:53:46

He knew what he was supposed to be getting? sad That's harsh.

Is there any chance they've had a change in financial circumstances? An unexpected bill that means they can't afford the membership and a moment of madness and a friend with a child's violin they were going to get rid of?

NatashaBee Tue 05-Feb-13 18:54:02

I don't really agree with presents where the parent will need to pay for lessons, or an ongoing cost - eg a mobile phone when someone will need to be responsible for the bill, or an instrument where lessons are required. I would just tell them that you don't want a lovely violin to go unplayed, and can they please return it. At least your DS remembered his manners and said thankyou.

JaneFonda Tue 05-Feb-13 18:54:28

There was no mention of paying for lessons.

I don't want to dripfeed (especially because it's not really relevant to this thread), but we have had big problems in the past with them, but I never thought they would 'take it out' on the DCs.

nefertarii Tue 05-Feb-13 18:55:31

What did they say when your dh said 'thank you that's lovely, but can I ask about the tennis subscription as as was really looking forward to it?'

Or similar?

GreyTS Tue 05-Feb-13 18:55:56

That is incredibly mean, I would be seriously pissed off if that was my child. I have no idea though how you are going to approach it with them, seriously awkward and probably best sorted by your DH. YANBU

Hissy Tue 05-Feb-13 18:56:23

That's just byond bizarre.

Could you have it valued and sell it for the Tennis Club membership?

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