for flouting hospital 'no sibling' rule for ebf baby?

(660 Posts)

DS had an operation yesterday. He needed me to be there. Breastfed baby also needed me.

I took my Aunt to look after my ds and we were sent initially to a waiting room. The plan was for her to keep him there and for me to pop out of the ward to feed him.

However, we were there for half an hour and my ds started to ask for a feed, so I started to bf. Literally 2 sucks in, we were called. I pulled him off and he screamed so I jigged him about (which quietens him as a distraction) and moved towards the ward with him in tow.

The nurse told me he wasn't allowed. I told her that I needed to finish his feed and then I would take him back to my aunt. I offered to vrubg ds ub 10 mins but she got arsey saying that ds would have to have his operation cancelled if he missed his slpt. Nurse started tutting about him disturbing the other patients and that there was a strict no-sibling rule that I knew about as it was in the letter (it was).

so WIBU?

nickelbabe Tue 05-Feb-13 15:44:29

Dizzy - yes it is.

i was showing that the letters aren't that important.

If I had rung and they'd said "no, your baby has to have a bottle because of x,y,z, i would have said "either i feed my baby properly or we'll have to postpone.

my point is that babies can't wait.
babies have to be fed when they need to be fed.
if i'd left DD at 7 months in a waiting room after starting a feed and not finishing it (and left her behind) she would have gone absolutely apeshit and probably cried herself into a fucking fit.

Bf babies who are crying for milk ALWAYS stop crying when they are given the breast. - don't they?

I said I didn't want to leave a crying distressed baby in the waiting room, which is what he would have become had I handed him over to someone else. He knew the milk was coming as I was holding him and jigging him. He was quiet. He would not have been.

As it happens, there were 5 beds on the ward, and the children were much older than ds, and actually there really wasn't much space. However, there was space on my lap, which is where ds fed.

ShatnersBassoon Tue 05-Feb-13 15:45:33

YABU. You should have anticipated things a bit better, fed the baby ahead of schedule to make sure it didn't scream.

Breastfeeding isn't a pass to do as you please.

LadyInDisguise Tue 05-Feb-13 15:45:55

Well I have to say, I have an issue with that.
Op, YANBU because that baby is bf so no one else can do that for you and you can't possibly be at the same time with your ds and in the waiting room with the baby.

But it has highlighted a big issue for me, regardless of the bfing.
If you have 2 children, one of them needs surgery, the other needs to be looked after AND you are a lone parent with no support. What on earth are you suppose to do?

nickelbabe Tue 05-Feb-13 15:46:46

BigSilky - crying hungry distressed is foxed by boob.

that's how it works.
i would sooner have small baby taking up a square foot of space than a screaming hungry baby.

Viviennemary Tue 05-Feb-13 15:46:50

A lot of people on Mumsnet breastfeed or have breastfed. Not just you. I did. But I would have respected the rules of a hospital. And people who are being unreasonable never think they are being. The world doesn't revolve round you and your baby. The patients are the hospital's first priority.

nickelbabe Tue 05-Feb-13 15:46:56

fixed not foxed!!!

Shatners, the baby isn't ON a shedule, in line with the NHS guidelines.

nickelbabe Tue 05-Feb-13 15:48:01

Shatners - if you're an expert, you'd also know that hospital appointments rarely run on time.

Indith Tue 05-Feb-13 15:48:18

The solution of baby in waiting room with aunty was perfect.

except baby wanted to feed at just the wrong time,

ywbu to take baby into ward regardless of rules.

hospital wbu to not wait 5 mins for baby to finish feeding, you could have been on the loo and taken longer!

LadyInDisguise Tue 05-Feb-13 15:48:21

Oh and I shock by people saying that the baby's feed should have been sceduled.
1- because I thought that bfed babies feeds couldn't be scheduled
and 2- because it's just impossible to schedule when the opeartion will happened in an NHS hospital. So how on earth can you plan ahead?
<<Memories not so long ago about me spending one full day, twice!, in hospital waiting for surgery that didn't happen...>>

BigSilky Tue 05-Feb-13 15:49:11

My babies didn't always stop crying immediately.

EasilyBored Tue 05-Feb-13 15:49:45

1. How old is the baby? 2. Yes you are BU - I would normally advocate your right to feed your baby wherever and whenever you want, but you were clearly told that you couldn't bring the baby on the ward. Did you ask the nurse how long it would be before you were needed and could have then timed the feed better?

LadyInDisguise Tue 05-Feb-13 15:51:11

Did you ask the nurse how long it would be before you were needed and could have then timed the feed better?

I have yet to see an NHS hospital being able to give me that sort of information re some surgery...

nickelbabe Tue 05-Feb-13 15:51:56

Indith exactly - and Starlight returned the baby to the aunt immediately.

she wasn't being inconsiderate of the rules, she was abiding by a different NHS guideline.

brettgirl2 Tue 05-Feb-13 15:52:33

Why blindly respect rules Vienne without challenging? If the patient's baby brother was screaming in a side room this may well have affected his well being.

The other option is they could just have given you a few minutes to finish which saving the time for arguments and faffing would have probably been quicker in the end..

'Did you ask the nurse how long it would be before you were needed and could have then timed the feed better?'

No. There were no nurses in sight. Receptionist directed us to waiting room. Plan was to settle ds in ward, come back and feed baby, return to ds (even though the letter also said that ds should be supervised by parent at all times hmm - another issue - but figured I could feed baby in not much longer time than it takes to pop to loo).

However, we were waiting in waiting room for quite some time, and baby woke up and wanted feeding, so I stuck him and two sucks in nurse turns up and calls ds.

WipsGlitter Tue 05-Feb-13 15:52:41

YABU. You should have found out how long it was likely to take and made your arrangements accordingly. You can't say no one minded/was disturbed. They might have been and were just inwardly eye rolling.

ShatnersBassoon Tue 05-Feb-13 15:52:49

Well I'm obviously not an expert, just passing comment on a situation that seemed quite easy to avoid.

My point was, you can feed a breastfed baby as and when, and the first feed of the day can be brought forward to suit the situation. It was one of the best things about breastfeeding for me, I could head hunger off at the pass when I was anticipating a situation that could make feeding tricky.

nefertarii Tue 05-Feb-13 15:53:00

I think some posters on this thread aren't understanding that you cannot just NOT feed a breastfeeding baby when he needs a feed.

are you saying that posters could only possibly think you are unreasonable because they don't understand?
Again op if you are that sire you are reasonable by post?

I understand ebf perfectly. Still think you bu.

YWBU. As a mother who bf's on demand I would have not broken the guidelines. It is easy to anticipate what would happen and feed DS2 before the operation was to go ahead.

It is not difficult to do and the rules are there for a reason

CunfuddledAlways Tue 05-Feb-13 15:55:20

i had something similar but as i knew the nhs rarely run on shedule and babys have no shedule i had expressed as baby was not allowed on ward no matter what...they where exteemly strict at our hospital it wouldn't of mattered how old baby was.

maybe this could be a consideration for next time??

fwiw i think your being U for not having thought that maybe baby would have needed a feed during the time and not got anything for if you had not been their - so if baby had woke up with aunt hungry and you already on ward what would she have done with hungary baby??

EasilyBored Tue 05-Feb-13 15:56:02

If they give her time for the baby to finish (say 15 minutes), it pushes the whole schedule out for the day.

You could have just offered to sign the consent form in the waiting room and let the Aunt go to him if it was necessary.

EasilyBored Tue 05-Feb-13 15:56:49

Also, how old is the baby?

cantspel Tue 05-Feb-13 15:58:14

I think some posters on this thread aren't understanding that you cannot just NOT feed a breastfeeding baby when he needs a feed.

Why do they die after 5- 10 minutes then?

I BF my second for 18 months he, he often had to wait for a fed. For example if i was driving or his brother needed me or i was in the middle of the school run he waited.

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