To hate the saying "as log as its healthy I don't mind?"

(114 Posts)
kickassmomma Mon 04-Feb-13 09:42:14

Just a lighthearted discussion/debate.

When most people ask whether someone wants a boy or girl when there pregnant, majority say "as long as its healthy I don't mind" I am guilty of this too but now my perspective has changed because I don't have a healthy child.

It actually bugs me to see people put it on fb or say it to me? I kinda think, well what i your child isn't healthy? Would you mind then?

Wouldn't as long as my baby is happy and content be better?? smile

AmberLeaf Mon 04-Feb-13 11:30:26

Well put Illgetmegoat

moajab Mon 04-Feb-13 11:43:06

I always interpret it as being grateful for a healthy child and not wishing to change it. For example when I was pregnant with DS3 and I was asked this question I always answered with as long as it's healthy, because it would seem very ungrateful and an insult to those parents who lose a child or have to watch them suffering if I looked at my healthy baby son and just thought 'why isn't it a girl?"

yaimee Mon 04-Feb-13 11:44:59

I always just thought this went without saying!

HeyHoHereWeGo Mon 04-Feb-13 11:49:39

I HATE this saying, as to me it smacks of "Well I am not as superficial as you clearly are, I have my priorities straight"
Smug smug smug

AllYoursBabooshka Mon 04-Feb-13 11:52:08

What Trills said.

pigletmania Mon 04-Feb-13 11:58:23

Heyho would you want your chid to have illness or to suffer than! Teir is nthing wrn with hoping your unborn baby will be happy and healthy

AllYoursBabooshka Mon 04-Feb-13 12:00:11

Well I certainly don't feel that way when I say it HeyHo.

I honestly don't give a fig what sex this baby is, I don't mind people asking what I want but I'm not going to lie about it.

I do want my baby to be healthy.

AmberLeaf Mon 04-Feb-13 12:07:29

Its not the wanting the healthy child part, its the 'as long as' bit.

So what if it isn't is the thought that follows when I hear it.

Anyway, as said previously, its just something people say to counter the gender questions.

LimeLeafLizard Mon 04-Feb-13 12:15:05

What Trills said.

MMMarmite Mon 04-Feb-13 12:21:26

Well said illgetmegoat.

ivykaty44 Mon 04-Feb-13 12:28:32

"Do you want a boy or a girl"

is a silly question

so I gave a silly answer

I want it to be a baby

I had such strong gender preference the health was secondary to the sex.

I resent the reply because it implies a preference is immoral, and/or something you can and should control; and because it implies a disabled child isn't good enough.

There are blander responses to a stupid question. "DC1 wants a puppy ha ha ha" or even just "Yes".

kickassmomma Mon 04-Feb-13 12:36:07

I never said that it offended me I just said I didn't like it! Nor do I think that if people wish for a healthy baby and dont get one that they don't love them anymore. I just simply wanted to know of people felt the same about it as I do! No need to get heavy about it smile

fromparistoberlin Mon 04-Feb-13 12:36:11

what a strange thing to "hate"

nowt as queer as folk eh

3monkeys3 Mon 04-Feb-13 12:36:18

I get what you mean but I tend to get angry (internally!) with people who admit a gender preference, because I have had the experience of having an unwell child (thankfully dd was able to have surgery which cured it completely, but it was a very tough first 6 months). My eldest has hfa, but I don't consider there to be anything 'wrong' with him. I think that all people should hope for is a healthy baby and personally find gender preference very distasteful.

Believe me, gender preference is as distasteful to those suffering it as it is to you. That doesn't mean it isn't real.

3monkeys3 Mon 04-Feb-13 12:48:14

Sorry, that was a bit harsh. I know that people don't really choose to feel a preference for gender, I just find it hard to get my own head around it.

Nancyclancy Mon 04-Feb-13 12:49:01

With all 4 of my dc, I didn't care what sex they were but wished for them to be healthy. If any of them did have health issues I would have loved them regardless, but I do not think it's unreasonable to say you don't mind as long as it's healthy.
However, the sentence 'as long as it's healthy I don't mind,' implies that you do mind if the baby is unhealthy, iyswim.

There is nothing wrong in hoping to have a healthy baby, there is nothing wrong in having a preferred gender, there is nothing wrong in dreaming to have a baby with blue/brown/whatever eyes etc.

A person is pregnant and has hopes and dreams for baby. This doesn't mean they won't love baby unconditionally.

Goldmandra Mon 04-Feb-13 12:55:54

However, the sentence 'as long as it's healthy I don't mind,' implies that you do mind if the baby is unhealthy, iyswim.

But why shouldn't I mind that my babies had a disability?

Nancyclancy Mon 04-Feb-13 13:02:10

I'm not saying you should or shouldn't mind. But the sentence is quite blunt! So I can see why people hate the saying but can also see why people say it, not meaning to cause offence!

BartletForTeamGB Mon 04-Feb-13 13:18:29

YABU. I've delivered a dead baby and I still say this. I dearly wish that DD had survived despite her problems, but I also desperately hope that the baby I'm carrying right now is healthy. If he or she is not, I'm not going to love him or her any less.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Mon 04-Feb-13 13:33:53

Because its a stupid question!

I couldn't have cared if my baby was a boy or girl but I was concerned about if there was something wrong.

Probably paranoia stemming from being a children's nurse and never seeing a healthy child. It skews your perspective.

We didn't find out what we were having as it didn't matter, simple as. That's not to say that if our child had had disabilities I wouldn't have loved them.

Goldmandra Mon 04-Feb-13 13:35:45

not meaning to cause offence!

No offence taken. I just don't get why people think it's not OK to mind if the child isn't healthy.

These parents to be aren't saying that as long as the baby is healthy they will still love it. They are saying that they don't mind about gender/birth date/hair colour. All they mind about is that the baby is healthy. That doesn't seem unreasonable.

I do mind that my girls have AS and I would mind if they had any other long term health problem or disability even if they were happy. I don't think you would find many parents of children with disabilities who wouldn't have hoped that their child would be born without it and I don't think you would find many parents to be who don't mind whether their child will be born with a disability or health problem.

I think we all go to the first scan hoping to be told that our baby is healthy don't we?

LiegeAndLief Mon 04-Feb-13 13:38:37

YABU. I had a prem baby first time round and when people asked if I wanted a boy or girl for dc2 I used to say I wanted a full term healthy baby. Of course if I'd have had another 2 month stint in SCBU I would have loved that baby just as much, but would I have minded? Yes I very much would have!

A lot of people genuinely don't mind if they have a boy or girl, but I think all of us have a preference for a healthy baby.

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