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Sisters

(14 Posts)
tinygreendragon Sun 03-Feb-13 15:22:36

My sister and I have never been particularly close, she is 11 years older than me and moved away from home when I was 6 so I don't really have a 'sisterly' relationship with her but we have kept in contact and I would visit her at least once a year. We are not really that similar in any way (political/ethical views, music/entertainment tastes, fashion style etc) but we were both in the same job and usually when we meet we both just talk shop. Fast forward to today, neither of us are in the business any more (she started a family and I changed careers) so we really don't have anything in common any more. Its not like we don't get on, its more of a case that we are just different people.

Since she moved away when I was young we've always lived at least 100+ miles apart and I've always been the one to make the effort (and expense) to travel to visit her and the last time she came to see me was 14 years ago when I was in hospital. I've offered her to visit many times but she just never gets round to making arrangements. I've travelled to her every year for the past 15 years until the last time which was 18 months ago.

In comes the annual phone call last week and she wants me to jump on the train to see her on my birthday at the end of the month. Never mind the fact that I don't have the finances for the pricey train fare, I don't particularly fancy spending my birthday with her and her family. I would like to spend my birthday doing something I enjoy with my partner and friends. She says she's furious with me for having arrangements made for my birthday and I won't change them to visit her instead and it is "imperative for her children to see their aunt more often" but yet it doesn't seem to matter that she forgot to tell me she was getting married last month until 2 weeks after the wedding, never mind even getting an invite.

Am I being unreasonable to not want to visit her on my birthday because she makes no effort in travelling to see me? even when I've said I could visit at another time in the year?

MortifiedAdams Sun 03-Feb-13 15:24:17

Just say that you have plans for your birthday and its a bit.of a hectic time so why doesnt she come to you?

Have you ever directly asked her to come to you instead?

tinygreendragon Sun 03-Feb-13 15:37:46

I have always offered her to come and stay but there is always some excuse time off work/travel costs/cat sitting and I've tried offering help but no arrangements ever get made and I just think bugger it, if she wants to visit me she will.

Its just her over the top dramatic reaction all of a sudden because I won't visit her this time.

OkayHazel Sun 03-Feb-13 15:41:12

She's practically a stranger, so stop worrying what strangers think. Just enjoy your birthday and ignore her.

MyCannyBairn Sun 03-Feb-13 15:47:04

She didn't invite you to her wedding ??? What ? Was it a teeny do ?

Adamit Sun 03-Feb-13 15:48:10

if she didnt tell nor invite you to her wedding i wouldnt even bother making arrangements to suit her. spend your birthday how you wish. she spouts drivil about aunt seeing your kids ... has she kids? why didnt she invite YOUR kids to her wedding oh hang on ... thats cos YOU didnt get an invite. i am mad on your behalf and think she has a neck.

keep calm say sorry you have arrangements made already. you could tell her she is more than welcome to join you (ie her do the travelling) and maintain the higher ground.

Chiggers Sun 03-Feb-13 17:49:46

I would tell her straight that over the last 15yrs you have made the effort to go and see her at YOUR expense, whereas she has visited you once and that time was 14yrs ago. If she goes all drama llama over it, tell her straight that her DC can see their aunt.............providing she makes the effort to come to you for a change. If she makes some feeble excuse about not being able to, you can say "Well, I guess your kids won't get to see their aunt for a bit, then".

No reason why you should be the one making all the effort, and anyway, a relationship takes 2 to keep it going.

I hope it works out for you OP.

Take care

Trills Sun 03-Feb-13 17:51:18

Just because someone shares genetic material with you doesn't mean that you will necessarily get on or be wanted/needed/better off in each other's lives.

HollyBerryBush Sun 03-Feb-13 18:00:34

My brother is 12 years older than me, so we too have that generation gap thing where we have no common ground whatsoever. You'll find when you get older, and perhaps your parents have passed, and it's just the two of you taht you do find that common bond that was so lacking before. Time seems to erode generation, plus she will be the person who also has first hand memories of your parents, not shared memories, but she will become a a source of reminiscing

Are you sure she hasn't got anything important to tell you, and needs to see you as opposed to wants to iyswim.
Unfortunately I can only think of bad news scenarios though. It could it be something to do with your parents and/or their estate? or her health maybe. Are you reaching a milestone age and coming into some money from your parents maybe? That would be good news at least.

OutragedFromLeeds Sun 03-Feb-13 18:14:45

Didn't your parents tell you about the wedding? Or were they not told either?

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Sun 03-Feb-13 18:47:22

I'd ignore her. Mainly because of her comment about it being "imperative" that her children see more of their aunt when she didnt even invite said aunt to her sodding wedding! Bollocks to her. At least that would be my attitude hmm

Isityouorme Sun 03-Feb-13 18:50:44

Not inviting you to the wedding would be just cause to tell your sister to go jump.

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue Sun 03-Feb-13 18:51:19

I think you need to stand up for yourself tbh. Just. Say. No.

You are entitled to do what you want for your birthday. Take a deep breathe dn be brave and tell her to f off

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