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Dd , exh and access

(27 Posts)
MariusEarlobe Sun 03-Feb-13 08:47:42

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HollyBerryBush Sun 03-Feb-13 08:50:14

She's old enough to make up her own mind IMHO.

JumpingJackSprat Sun 03-Feb-13 08:53:14

it sounds like ehes had enough of being let down by him. normally im all for as much contact as possible but only when the father is making an effort - this one isnt so id let your daughter lead the situation and try to support her as much as possible in her decision. she may change her mind in the future.

TheProvincialLady Sun 03-Feb-13 08:55:14

I can't believe you accepted that crappy 'maintenance' from him! Get onto the CSA right away.

Don't make your daughter go for contact. If she wants phone contact and to try and build up their relationship then by all means suggest, but bear in mind that he is unlikely to keep it up and this will then become another disappointment to her. Why will she not be alone with him - is it more than just unfamiliarity? He really is a prize twat isn't he?

2rebecca Sun 03-Feb-13 08:56:38

If he wants access to his daughter then he comes and picks her up and takes her out for the day. Dragging you out for the day whilst you ? hang around somewhere for several hours whilst he's with his daughter then gives her to you to take home again seems a mad way to carry on.
Normally days when the nonres parent has the kids are time for the res parent to do other stuff, not hang about in an unfamiliar town.
I presumed you moved away from him because you feel obliged to take your daughter part way.
I'd leave the onus on him to visit and pick her up.

VBisme Sun 03-Feb-13 08:56:47

I agree with jumping jack, usually I'm all for contact with the nonR parent, but contact needs to be regular and frequent, kids aren't toys to be picked up and put down at will.
It sounds like if you just stop facilitating contact it will cease anyway, so just do that.

MariusEarlobe Sun 03-Feb-13 09:16:23

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drinkyourmilk Sun 03-Feb-13 09:23:23

He sounds like a prize twit.
Heart breaking that a 10year old can see through him sad. Thank goodness she has a sensible mum who supports her (um guessing he is much worse than you have let on here, and that the last thing you want to do is spend time with him, yet you agree to spends days with him to help your dd keep a relationship).
She is 10. She can decide if she wants to see him or not. Can she Skype him?

ProphetOfDoom Sun 03-Feb-13 09:27:14

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MariusEarlobe Sun 03-Feb-13 09:39:55

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MariusEarlobe Sun 03-Feb-13 09:41:17

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TheProvincialLady Sun 03-Feb-13 09:45:13

How do you know this level of stuff about him and his broadband packages, out of interest? It sounds like you need to disengage as much as you need to get onto the CSA.

MariusEarlobe Sun 03-Feb-13 10:03:55

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MariusEarlobe Sun 03-Feb-13 10:04:43

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MariusEarlobe Sun 03-Feb-13 10:08:08

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simplesusan Sun 03-Feb-13 10:27:17

I would go to the csa.
Difficult situation for you and your dd.
Personally I wouldn't be messing about doing all that travelling. What is dd gaining from it compared to the hassle it puts you through.
If he isn't working then time is not and issue to him so he could phone/text/whatever your dd whenever she is free.
Sorry but he just isn't interested in her is he? I think you need to face up to that reality.

MariusEarlobe Sun 03-Feb-13 11:05:57

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MariusEarlobe Sun 03-Feb-13 11:06:33

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mrsbunnylove Sun 03-Feb-13 11:23:07

move again and don't tell him where you are?

get off facebook (its a mugs paradise) and change your phone numbers.
get counselling for you and your daughter for the 'good reasons'.

stop fussing about how much money he has. you're not getting it so it doesn't matter to you. csa if you want but if he doesn't have a regular income it might not lead to anything.

if your daughter doesn't want contact, don't make her.

more than anything - let go. you're resentful of him - stop, its making your life worse, not better. he's a lazy no-hoper who doesn't really care about his daughter, so shake him off, put him in the past and go ahead with your life.

frustratedashell Sun 03-Feb-13 11:26:44

I see no point or advantage for your dd to have him in her life at all. Hes unreliable,selfish and a massive dick. She doesnt seem all that bothered by what you say, Im sure shes fed up with his attitude and him constantly letting her down. If you can I would get CSA involved and cut contact out. Its ridiculous!

frustratedashell Sun 03-Feb-13 11:27:33

mrsbunnylove put it much better than me!

MariusEarlobe Sun 03-Feb-13 12:25:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nanny0gg Sun 03-Feb-13 13:33:39

The money wouldn't be for you it would be for your daughter.

Don't make her see him, but I think he should pay.

GirlOutNumbered Sun 03-Feb-13 16:20:17

My dad has always been like this, I'm 37 now and he's seen his grandchildren two or three times. He never paid a penny for us growing up, mum never made him, she thought his conscience would kick in. It didn't! Go the the CSA.

CSA money is for her not you. Try & get some, but use it for her school uniform etc

Get a new sim card for both of you & keep the old one in an old handset & check it as you want- personally I
wouldn't bother you have tried, it takes 2 to make this work.

If she doesn't want to see him fair enough, access is for DD's benefit not his. He can get hid lazy arse into gear if he wants a relationship with her.

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