ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.

to think my ex is an absolute fucking bastard of the first order

(217 Posts)
11Plustrauma Sat 02-Feb-13 19:07:34

DD got her 11plus results today. She did really very well for her, put in a load of effort, and will get in to a grammar school. Just not the one he wants.

He said, in front of her, "Shit. I'm disappointed".

She has howled all day and it will take a great deal to pick her up again.

He is a bastard, yes or no?

[NOTE FROM MNHQ: Although we're sure it was meant as a joke, we have edited the thread title and OP to remove some beyond-the-pale violent imagery. Some subsequent posts making reference to the same imagery have also been deleted.]

11Plustrauma Sat 02-Feb-13 20:03:45

That's a good point about making sure the school know how I feel.

11Plustrauma Sat 02-Feb-13 20:04:17

Punkatheart - that's fucking disgraceful. He's a bastard.

EuroShagmore Sat 02-Feb-13 20:06:17

He's a twat.

Which of the two schools did she prefer, btw? We've seen a lot about his preference, a mention of your own, but what did she want? I certainly got to choose my school when I passed the 11+. I went for the one that appeared to be less academic but when league tables first came out, it trounced the nearby latin-teaching, mortar-board wearing traditional grammar that had seemed like it would be the most high achieving school. I went where I felt most comfortable (and my parents were happy to support that choice), and that is very important and she will spend more time there than at home over the next 7 years!

pointythings Sat 02-Feb-13 20:08:30

If she got into a grammar with just support from you and practice, then she isn't 'not academic'. She's bright enough to get into grammar school and has a good work ethic, that's what she is.

I hope there's a special place in Hell for parents who do this stuff to their DC.

Smartiepants79 Sat 02-Feb-13 20:09:13

If your daughter has passed the 11+ then she is a bright little girl! Only about the top 25% of kids are clever enough to gain a place at any grammar school. Well done her.
Does he even know what he's done or how damaging his comments are?

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Sat 02-Feb-13 20:10:18

YANBU what an utter waste of oxygen angry ignorant selfcentred thickheaded cunt.

Your daughter has worked immensely hard and that alone is commendable. tell her daddy has concussion from his tiny pea brain rattling around in his skull so much and he doesnt mean to be such a totally insensitive moron.

11Plustrauma Sat 02-Feb-13 20:10:59

Pointythings - that's how I feel. If she can't get in on her own (with a wee bit of help) and has to be coached to fuck, then there's no point she'd be miserable when she got there and she'd never cope. She only prefers the one he likes because he has harped and harped on about it so much.

MrsYamada Sat 02-Feb-13 20:11:06

Well done to your DD, and you for all the work you did with her.

Your ex is awful sad.

CaptChaos Sat 02-Feb-13 20:11:39

Your ex is a chopper of the highest order. No wonder you got rid.

Congratulations to your DD, what a bobby dazzler! She is incredibly lucky to have you and your unconditional support.

Tell him to go and fuck himself, from me!

TarkaTheOtter Sat 02-Feb-13 20:12:21

It's a shame her dad's a cunt but it sounds like she's got a lovely mum.

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Sat 02-Feb-13 20:13:34

Well done both of you.

11Plustrauma Sat 02-Feb-13 20:15:16

Thank you all so much. I luffs you all <sniff>. He just doesn't "get" it and he won't understand that what he said might be damaging to her self esteem as far as he's concerned that's "woo" stuff. I am incredibly massively proud of her.

<waves at friend who has texted me, and won't post here because what she would post would be "too vitriolic"> Too vitriolic for MN shock grin

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Sat 02-Feb-13 20:15:44

Oops posted too soon! As for him! Arsehole, how dare he say he's disappointed. Take away from the fact she's worked bloody hard & clearly very bright if she's done her best then how dare he say he's disappointed.

Unfortunately we all want parental approval, at least she'll always get the love/ support / encouragement and approval from one side x

11Plustrauma Sat 02-Feb-13 20:17:22

It doesn't change how much I love her or what I feel for her just because of an exam. And it honestly wouldn't matter if she got 5% or 55% or 105% because I know she did her best, and no one can do any more than that.

Skyebluesapphire Sat 02-Feb-13 20:21:58

My dad did this to me, when I passed 5/8 GCSE's. i was thrilled at what I thought to be a good result. He said, is that all shock, . I remember crying and shouting at him that nothing I ever did was good enough for him......

It sounds like your DD has done fantastically well for HER and that is all you can ask for, is that she can be the best that she can be.

Your X is a total knob to upset his DD so badly.

As long as she is happy with the school that she goes to, that is all that matters ...

11Plustrauma Sat 02-Feb-13 20:22:17

Her friend from next door has come in. She did the 11plus two years ago and didn't pass. Didn't even nearly pass. She has made a "fame carpet" out of the dogs towel and an old blanket and is taking flash photos of DD as she sashays up and down the hall. grin

Illgetmegoat Sat 02-Feb-13 20:23:36

Well done to your DD, what a stunner of a result! - I'm glad she is starting to feel better.

He is a huge cunt - I hope he gets equally short shrift from the HT.

I was told the same - my great career is exactly what I wanted and I am happy. My father doesn't get to share in my life at all - one day I turned around and told him if it was so important to him to do xyz then maybe he should get off his arse and go and do it, or was he worried he'd be a disappointment to himself? His comments were alongside a lot of other horrible behaviour but if your ex keeps on in this way - pity his loss of your wonderful daughter who will soon see him for what he is. Then he'll feel real disappointment.

I hope when she starts at the school she'll be happy and be getting a lot of positive feedback there that will start to undo his harpings on on the subject.

Hopefully your ex doesn't fall into any uncovered manholes or slip in to a river or something, that would be terrible.

11Plustrauma Sat 02-Feb-13 20:26:31

Illget - I have said to him before that he needs to stop putting his dreams on to the children, that they have to live their own lives and find what they want to do for themselves. He thinks that means I don't care.

ReindeerBollocks Sat 02-Feb-13 20:30:14

I'll dump your ex in the same vat of shite I'm dumping mine in if you like?

My DS (who has several medical and SN issues) was finally recognised as being bright in his current class which is year four. He did exceptionally well in some academic tests recently and we were finally told that he is definitely grammar material - if the schools are prepared to accept him with his issues.

My Ex said that he didn't want DS to go to some 'posh shite school' and life was for living - ex has used this matra for his own life and hasn't fulfilled his potential. Annoys me no end as Ex is trying to drum this into DS and spoil his currently good work ethic.

Massive congratulations to your DD, we live in grammar school central and all the parents have started private coaching already (Yr 4 FFS). She did tremendously well to get in with no formal coaching - ergo she must be a bright little thing and will thrive as long as she can be happy and know that she has your support.

Her dad was probably only concerned about telling people which grammar school his daughter went to, rather than thinking about which school was best for her practically - how much did he help her in the run up to the exams exactly?

Your Ex is definitely a grade A arsebadger if that's any consolation. We would second the strawberry laces treats too.

ReindeerBollocks Sat 02-Feb-13 20:31:47

Forgot to say, you sound amazingly supportive - I hope your daughter takes comfort in having such a lovely mum smile

11Plustrauma Sat 02-Feb-13 20:32:24

I CANNOT believe I have admitted on this thread that she has had sugary shite for BREAKFAST and Froot Shoots and I've not been shown my arse. grin

The rage is dispersing - I will support her as best as I can and I hope this doesn't affect her feelings about whatever school she ends up at.

11Plustrauma Sat 02-Feb-13 20:35:13

Redindder - well done to your DS. And don't let your ex spoil your DS's ambition and work ethic.

pointythings Sat 02-Feb-13 20:36:19

<shakes finger at OP and hoiks up judgeypants>

There, does that feel better?

Naaaah, just kidding. grin

11Plustrauma Sat 02-Feb-13 20:37:47

grin

Kiriwawa Sat 02-Feb-13 20:42:41

Well you can tell your DD that the whole of MN has its pompoms out for her and thinks she's done a brilliant job.

Another order of KFC! grin

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