to think my ex is an absolute fucking bastard of the first order

(217 Posts)
11Plustrauma Sat 02-Feb-13 19:07:34

DD got her 11plus results today. She did really very well for her, put in a load of effort, and will get in to a grammar school. Just not the one he wants.

He said, in front of her, "Shit. I'm disappointed".

She has howled all day and it will take a great deal to pick her up again.

He is a bastard, yes or no?

[NOTE FROM MNHQ: Although we're sure it was meant as a joke, we have edited the thread title and OP to remove some beyond-the-pale violent imagery. Some subsequent posts making reference to the same imagery have also been deleted.]

Shodan Mon 04-Feb-13 15:31:08

you ARE clearly more grown-up etc etc.

And you can type betterer than wot I can too. grin

11Plustrauma Mon 04-Feb-13 15:32:01

grin I wish I'd thought of that

This too shall pass and in 2 or 3 or 10 or 20 years it won't matter. But my view of him is tainted and will still be tainted. For ever.

ineedabodytransplant Mon 04-Feb-13 17:01:30

I'm an old git who passed his 11+ many years ago. Much to my parents' dismay as they knew they would have to pay out for the proper uniform. When I was in the cubs I never, ever had the correct kit! All they wanted was the cheap option.

They got their 'revenge' though, as they refused to let me stay on to complete my O- levels as they wanted me out working.

Op, your litle girl has done you, and her, proud. She has shown you that she is intelligent enough, unlike her father.

Just let her know how proud YOU are.

He can rot in his own little world of failures.

Punkatheart Mon 04-Feb-13 18:15:58

I like that last sentence and it's great to get a man's perspective. Family, understanding and empathy is to me the holy grail of success. I just can't understand people for whom this is not the case...

fridgepants Mon 04-Feb-13 18:42:11

My dad used to say things like that. As I got older, I realised it was because he was pissed off that I was just as clever - if not more so - than he was and knew when he was bullshitting.

She'll remember this when she gets older and think much, much less of him as a person. If that's any help.

ravenAK Mon 04-Feb-13 18:53:53

Well done your dd.

& your dh is indeed a massive cunt.

11Plustrauma Tue 05-Feb-13 11:58:06

So the latest - he has gone into the current school and talked to the head. I don't who said what to whom (I shall ask current head but I don't expect to be told).

But ...

.....


The fukcingknobendbastardwankstain has come out saying that most likely school is the one for her didn't she do brilliant he never thought other school would be the right school for her and it's sitting on it's laurels and trading on it's reputation and isn't she lucky to get to that other school.

WANK

Revisionist wanker.

11Plustrauma Tue 05-Feb-13 12:15:44

I swear that has made me angry all over again. How fucking DARE he try to re-write what he did and said? Now it'll all be his idea and he will re-write history so that he never felt like that.

How much would I not have loved to have been a fly on the wall though - she must have handed him his balls on a fucking plate.

quoteunquote Tue 05-Feb-13 12:20:34

Toxic scum ball,

Explain to her she should take no notice of toxic people who ever they are, and it not her responsibility to deal with his failings.

and can you get a copy of the test for him to do in front of her?

I bet he wouldn't sit down and do it, as he knows he would struggle.

digerd Tue 05-Feb-13 12:24:47

Oh, wish you had been there to hear what the head said to him. He's changed his tune <lied> to save his face. She must have got his number and treated him appropiately. Good for her.
Now he must show DD his pride in her. He won't apologise, of course. You and DD took what he said the wrong way, he'll say and even believe it himself
Also, " that she was lucky to get into that school" is again, thoughtless. Should have said " I'm so proud and pleased you have got into the best school"

RowanMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 05-Feb-13 12:27:17

Hello

First off, BIG congratulations to 11plustrauma's wonderful dd thanks - and congratulations/commiserations to any other children of MNers who have been getting results recently.

Second: we've edited this thread title and OP to remove some violent imagery. It was reported to us as being beyond the pale, and we agreed (while realising that the OP meant it in a rhetorical/hyperbolic way). We've also deleted some subsequent posts that made reference to the same imagery.

Trust you'll understand our reasoning.

Thanks
MNHQ

Pandemoniaa Tue 05-Feb-13 12:27:19

Your dd has done brilliantly. It looks like she'll be going to the school that is right for her and that's all that matters. I'd not waste any more valuable anger on your ex, either tbh. The man is a complete cockjuggler and really not worth the effort.

11Plustrauma Tue 05-Feb-13 12:30:36

Sorry Rowan - as I think I already said on the thread, it was hyperbole and not in any way would I ever do it blush

SoleSource Tue 05-Feb-13 12:30:54

I had terrible emotional abuse as a child. I am sure it hurt but she will survive. I am glad she has you to show her the correct way. Your girl is very lucky

Herrena Tue 05-Feb-13 12:47:29

Well it's a good thing that he is finally acting positive about the most likely school, but still. What a twat!

Your DD has received a pretty unmistakable lesson in what sort of person her daddy is. Is she likely to say anything like 'But you said you were really disappointed before!' when he next speaks to her? It would be interesting to hear his response to that one....

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub Tue 05-Feb-13 20:51:36

You have GOT to love MNHQ for the fact that they've edited a title for being beyond the pale but that, post-editing, it still contains "absolute fucking bastard of the first order". Nice one, Rowan thanks

OP, I hope his volte-face isn't too bewildering to DD.

11Plustrauma Tue 05-Feb-13 20:53:27

I do feel a bit guilty for the vemon in my title but I was so so mad.

Yes it's great that he's done his change of heart but it's still pissing me right off especially since by next week it'll all have been his idea in the first place.

11Plustrauma Wed 06-Feb-13 07:03:33

Well today is the day I take her to see the most likely school. I've been awake half the night worrying and hoping it goes well. And also worrying that the current school will think I'm losing it because he's now portraying the whole thing as his idea in the first place. He has done this kind of thing before when I am sure it was one way and he insists it was another and he has made me doubt my own memories. Just this time I know what he said and apart from anything else I wrote it here. But now he will make it out that it was all his idea

ohfunnyhoneyface Wed 06-Feb-13 07:49:12

What a total control freak. I hope you find today easy and his early vitriol doesn't scar your daughter.

blackeyedsusan Wed 06-Feb-13 07:50:00

the title should say "absolute fucking gaslighting bastard of the first order"

have a good day today.

11Plustrauma Wed 06-Feb-13 07:59:44

It is gas lighting isn't it? I mean, I know it's not an important thing the important thing is that DD is ok but he is gas lighting isn't he?

11Plustrauma Wed 06-Feb-13 08:07:19

Utterly shallow wobble but black top, cardi and black wide legged trousers with ankle boots and silver jewellery? Will that be ok?

LifeSavedbyLego Wed 06-Feb-13 08:20:22

Perfect. Back straight, smile on and forward march!

11Plustrauma Wed 06-Feb-13 08:26:09

thankk you I'm so nervous and I want to make a good impression and not have her think i'm a pfb type neurotic parent!

Then after when I drop DD off I have to go and see current head and fill in forms and I hope she doesn't think I am deranged because ex has totally changed his viewpoint.

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