to wonder why MIL is buying a crib for HER room?

(76 Posts)
WeeS Sat 02-Feb-13 10:31:36

Im 18+2 with my first baby. This baby will be the first grandchild for both my parents and my OHs Mum.

Last night OH mentioned that his Mum is buying baby stuff to keep at her house - a great idea & will really help us out for when we go to visit. His Mum lives about 45 minutes drive away so not having to lug everything with us every time will be good.

Just not sure why she's buying a crib/moses basket to put next to her bed?????

I'm already having feelings of worry that other family members are going to hog the baby and I'm not going to get bonding time - I realise this is probably irrational and due to hormones blush OH & I are living with my parents at the moment til we get our own place, but realistically this wont be for another year. Now my sister is moving back from London & staying with my parents too, to coincide with baby being born (grrr) So it'll be a full house & I can't see when I'm going to have alone time to bond with my baby.

Advice please!

My imagination was more humdrum, as in "Square" or "Triangle".

I can see how it works with Lily, Daisy or Violet. But I dont understand how it is possible to like the name, say Daisy, and not like daisies.

pictish Sat 02-Feb-13 11:09:48

No she is very definite about patterns.
Paisley?

AThingInYourLife Sat 02-Feb-13 11:14:45

Argyle?

diddl Sat 02-Feb-13 11:15:52

When you stay-put the things so that they are where you want them whilst staying there.

Maybe she´s thinking that you´ll be ffeeding & she can do some night time feeds?

Paisley I can understand. I like the name, but dont like the pattern.

How about Fleur De Lys?

Salmotrutta Sat 02-Feb-13 11:17:57

Fair Isle?

Liberty?

Or something geometric?

Like Pentagram?

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 02-Feb-13 11:18:04

Is this perhaps her way of informing you that she wants the baby for overnights ASAP?

It may be worth having a think about how you feel about that and if your not happy about it then work out a nice but clear way of letting her know.

Ime grandparents and parents get on much better if your clear about what is and what isant going t happen with your child.

But remember clear does not mean rudely or unkindly.

NeedlesCuties Sat 02-Feb-13 11:18:44

OP, when my PFB was born my MIL bought a lovely crib, cot and pram.

However, as she didn't bother her backside to ever mind him they largely went unused. Think he slept in cot twice for naps while we visited... the pram was used once when at age 18 months I lost the plot and asked her if she ever planned to use it.

She used that pram once to walk him around the block hmm

He's too old now for those things, and we now have PsecondB, and yeah, she isn't bothered again.

Some people see cribs, bouncers etc as 'ornaments' just something to have around to look the part of a doting gran.

pictish Sat 02-Feb-13 11:19:31

Come back bunny!

Salmotrutta Sat 02-Feb-13 11:20:00

Buckminster Fullerene?

Salmotrutta Sat 02-Feb-13 11:20:46

<lurking for pattern update>

A baby so young it is in a moses basket, is in my opinion too young for overnight stays without mum or dad. And if dad is there, baby is with him, not mil, I should think. Unless baby is breastfeed, then baby is with mum and dont go on overnight stays until much older. Nobody can argue that a breastfed baby should come and stay nights at grandmas. Babies often wake up to feed several times per night, so it would be unfeasible in whatever way baby is fed, anyway...

jkklpu Sat 02-Feb-13 11:21:48

Your mil may be lovely and you may be over thinking this, as some people suggest. If you're at all worried about control issues, though, set your boundaries before your baby is born and make sure your DP is on-side. And don't, whatever you do, start bandying names around with other family members; really just keep it between you and your dp until your baby is born and then just tell everyone what you've named him/her.

delilahlilah Sat 02-Feb-13 11:29:26

It is nice that she is so excited. Having brought up DS1 with absolutely zero outside help, until he was 3, I can tell you how difficult it is when grandparents aren't there to help you.
DS2 has had sleepovers with his paternal grandmother since he was very young and it has been a lifesaver as he is also sleep averse. They have a fantastic relationship, and everyone is happier.
It must also be on her mind that you are living with your parents, so she may feel a little pushed out. Maybe she is just making sure she has everything you need, so you will want to take baby there. Do you think your parents would have a cot / moses basket if the situation were reversed and you lived with his Mum?

PickledInAPearTree Sat 02-Feb-13 11:30:54

My mil bought cot (not even a travel one a nicer one than ours) walkers prams expensive toys etc etc to keep at hers.

I think they just enjoy the shopping for a baby thing sometimes.

You might WANT to stay there, you might not, you might want her to have the baby overnight, you might not.

Just play it by ear. Her buying the gear Dosent mean it has to get used.

EyesCrossedLegsAkimbo Sat 02-Feb-13 11:42:00

I'm a Granny and I didn't go bonkers when DGC1 was born hmm

I have seen it in others, but they tended to be bonkers to start with.

WeeS Sat 02-Feb-13 11:51:25

Thanks folks smile

I think a lot of you are right about her maybe feeling a bit pushed out, especially as my mother is retired and will be at home a lot. So I'll make sure I make extra effort to make sure she's involved as much as poss. It is something I thought about a while back but I seem to have forgotten again - woops.

She really is the best MIL I could ask for, I really love her to bits. And she is so generous and OH is her favourite boy , it's understandable she's excited.

I think I just freaked out at thinking people are assuming that they'll be keeping the baby overnight. And like PickledInAPearTree said, I need to just play it by ear. OH is keen for us not to become clingy parents and is already talking of the two of us having nights out here & there after baby is born smile I've, in the past, quietly scoffed at friends who are parents who can't let their kids out their sight to have an evening out - and now I understand!! (smacks own hand) blush

Rootvegetables Sat 02-Feb-13 11:53:53

My mil is lovely and did the same thing my ds is 2 now and still hasn't stayed overnight! It was funny when sil was pregnant and her mil did the same thing, mil and sil sat round the table complaining and saying why would baby to be need to stay anywhere else. No one noticed the irony of the unused Moses basket and crib upstairs!

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 02-Feb-13 11:54:06

I think she's just got a little over excited. If you usually get on well then I'm sure things will be fine once the baby has arrived.

WeeS Sat 02-Feb-13 11:54:12

ps. curious about mrsbunnyloves patterns too lol smile

sleepyhead Sat 02-Feb-13 12:05:56

It doesn't matter what people assume will happen. All bets are off until the baby's here and you know what you want and what suits your baby.

It doesn't sound like she's the sort of person that will need the law laid down in advance, just that she's got a little carried away with it all.

My mum and MIL both went a bit baby-crazy when I was PG and when DS was tiny. They're lovely, and I'm glad to have both of them being such a big part of his life, but I remember a few times where my voice got a little bit high-pitched 'Thanks MIL, that's lovely but we're not actually formula feeding so we don't need all that stuff you've bought - so kind of you, I do hope you kept the receipt. No, I don't think he is hungry in the night for a bottle. No, it's lovely of you to offer to get up and give him a bottle, but it's fine for me to feed him in the night as long as I'm breastfeeding. No, I'm not sure he would be better off in your room. It's very kind of you, but I think it's better he stays with me.' with my voice getting a little bit higher and higher the whole time!

But I'm so glad that I managed to involve them and find a balance where it was clear that they were a huge part of his life but that I'm his Mum. Partly because of the childcare angle - DS goes to stay with the ILs sometimes and has a great time, which is brilliant for DH and I too. But mostly because the ILs and my parents won't be around for ever, and I think it's great that DS has an emotional bond with them and will remember them.

I know it's hard, but try to draw your boundaries gently and without excluding her. We'll all be mother-in-laws to someone one day!

diddl Sat 02-Feb-13 12:21:56

Well, you won´t be needing a Moses basket & travel cot at first, so pack the TC away & put the MB in the room that you´ll all be staying in when you visit.

Thank her and say it will be so useful to have travel cot there for naps. Babies in Moses baskets for a very short time and not sure that you will all be doing overnights in first tree months at hers so might NOT need the Moses basket for your guest room there and can always bring your own in any case of you all staying over as a family in the very early days. (This will make it clear that its very unlikely she will be having newborn in her room a make sure she hears you though!)

It's not BU to expect a tiny baby to sleep with parents not GP. In fact it is recommended that baby stays close to mother in same room for first few months by the NHS so pretty uncontroversial stuff.

Excited granny! But agree gentle boundaries need to be in place and good mannered discussions happen early rather than hormonal stand offs post birth.

Congrats on pregnancy.

HeyHoHereWeGo Sat 02-Feb-13 13:03:29

I think wrt - baby staying over nights and having your own nights out with DH, the best approach is a "Yes dear that sounds great, not yet though, but soon enough" repeat for a year or two pleasantly. Best to avoid arguments in advance as once baby comes DH will realise life is different.

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