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AIBU?

to wonder why MIL is buying a crib for HER room?

75 replies

WeeS · 02/02/2013 10:31

Im 18+2 with my first baby. This baby will be the first grandchild for both my parents and my OHs Mum.

Last night OH mentioned that his Mum is buying baby stuff to keep at her house - a great idea & will really help us out for when we go to visit. His Mum lives about 45 minutes drive away so not having to lug everything with us every time will be good.

Just not sure why she's buying a crib/moses basket to put next to her bed?????

I'm already having feelings of worry that other family members are going to hog the baby and I'm not going to get bonding time - I realise this is probably irrational and due to hormones OH & I are living with my parents at the moment til we get our own place, but realistically this wont be for another year. Now my sister is moving back from London & staying with my parents too, to coincide with baby being born (grrr) So it'll be a full house & I can't see when I'm going to have alone time to bond with my baby.

Advice please!

OP posts:

Report

BumpingFuglies · 02/02/2013 10:33

Are you sure you haven't misunderstood?

almostanotherday · 02/02/2013 10:33

I guess she is planning on having your DC for over night stays?!

Theicingontop · 02/02/2013 10:35

So she's bought two moses baskets/cribs?

pictish · 02/02/2013 10:35

I'm thinking that she hopes she will get the baby for overnight stays.

Mogandme · 02/02/2013 10:35

Is it not for when you go and visit so you can put baby down to nap whioe you have lunch

CunfuddledAlways · 02/02/2013 10:37

if / when she mentions that she has bought a moses basket just say - 'oh thanks that will help so much as we haven't got one yet for having the baby sleep in at home'

people tend to like to be near newborn babys but you will have plenty of time to bond - when others are at work - taking baby out for walks in pram, bath times, etc oh and especially when baby does nappies that no-one else wants to change

HeyHoHereWeGo · 02/02/2013 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 02/02/2013 10:41

I agree with mogandme...perhaps it's really just to use for when you visit.
You're maybe misinterpreting it.

Just take it that way and cross any other bridge when you come to it. That's what I would do.

selsigfach · 02/02/2013 10:42

Yanbu

If baby is able to fit in a loses basket, it is to young to be sleeping in anyone's room but their parents.

Tell her to back off!

WeeS · 02/02/2013 10:45

OH just said she's buying a crib to put next to her bed, & she's also buying a travel cot to put in his room for when we stay. OH still has a room that's 'his' bedroom in the house, so it wont be for when I decide to have a nap with baby, otherwise he'd have said it's to go in his room.

His Mum is really generous and we have a good relationship,
but this has scared me a little. I guess it's just because I already am quite worried about how other family members will want to be involved.

Feel awful for moaning about it when people are wanting to be so generous and are obviously excited about the baby I feel like such a bad person!!

OP posts:

chandellina · 02/02/2013 10:45

Do you ever stay over there? Even for a visit in the day it could come in useful. Try not to freak out.

VonHerrBurton · 02/02/2013 10:46

I think you may have misunderstood. Did she actually say "im getting a crib to put next to my bed" ? She just sounds excited and if she has bought other stuff to make things easier when you go and stay, she sounds really nice.

Bluestocking · 02/02/2013 10:47

I would have been absolutely thrilled to have been living with my parents and sister when my (completely sleep averse) DS was a baby. DP was not much help and I was so tired I could scarcely think for the first six months. Don't worry about bonding, your baby will know who her/his mummy is. Re Moses basket, I think you should blithely assume this is for the baby to nap in when you visit ILs.

chandellina · 02/02/2013 10:48

Cross post. Ok it does sound a little weird. My son sleeps in with grandma when we stay but that wasn't until he was around 2.

StrawberryMojito · 02/02/2013 10:51

She maybe overstepping but from what you've described she sounds a nice, generous person who may be getting a bit carried away. I don't think it's worth mentioning anything yet beyond maybe a casual comment that you don't plan on spending a night apart from the baby until its at least 6 months old. See how you feel when the baby is here, you may feel you are glad of the offer of some help and a night off once baby is a few months old.

mrsbunnylove · 02/02/2013 10:54

its some wierdo thing that happens to grandmas.

when daughter was up the duff, she decided on a name for the baby. but her husband doesn't like patterns, so the baby would never be able to have a name-related-room. so instantly, i thought i'd make a room for her at mine. i didn't, i'm not organised enough and son in law doesn't seem to mind those patterns on the baby. also, i know that being with me, instead of mum and dad, wouldn't be what the baby wants.

but the 'make a room' thing was already in my head, just waiting to be switched on. as if its built in.

i really don't think it is about grandmas 'thinking the baby is theirs'. i think its a survival mechanism. they are ready to take this on if they have to. i saw grandaughter three and a half hours after she was born, and as soon as she made a little cry i felt the let-down reflex 'pain' i hadn't had since daughter stopped breastfeeding at the age of four, twenty five years earlier. i think we're set up to do this.

there are/were some cultures where young mothers send the baby to be nursed and cared for by the grandma, while they get on with their young-adult type lives. i think all this might be in our genes!

be very firm that you and the baby need to be alone together as much as possible in the first six weeks. let all the other relatives provide for you, support you, but not 'take the baby' etc. the baby needs to be in skin contact with you.

the 'crib by the bed' is a bit of a hint that your mil might expect too much. they sometimes want 'fair shares', the same amount of time with the baby as the other grandma. its all a load of codswallop. don't fall for it.

your baby, your rules.

pictish · 02/02/2013 10:55

I think some strange grandmothers do that.
I don't think that will happen to me!
I'll be one of those happy to babysit when needed. My mum was a bit all encompassing with ds1 and it annoyed me. Mil is lovely and is happy to babysit when needed, enjoy them, and hand them back to us with a smile. I'm going down that route when my time comes.
I've got three kids, and I see going wherever I want, and doing what ever I like, as the thing to look forward to. My freedom.

I won't be the sort of granny who wants to play at mummies. The thought makes me feel all kinds of wrong.
I will however, babysit for any grandchildren any time - therefore, I would get all the gear so I was prepared. I'll use charity shops and the like.
If the baby was ff and they wanted to go out, I'll have a tiny baby. If they wanted to nest in until the baby was older, I'll get on with my own life because I am planning on being busy around then anyway.

My mil does this. She is the best mil and granny you could hope for.

Maybe your mil is like that too?

mrsjay · 02/02/2013 10:57

she is over enthusiastic delighted and excited at the thought of a grandchild all she has done has bought a crib it really is nothing your baby does not need to go in it or stay over night , it would be handy if you are visiting and the baby could sleep in it, but really she sounds lovely just a bit over excited don't sweat it, cross the baby staying over things when it comes

BigSilky · 02/02/2013 10:58

Calm down. Think how lovely it is that she is this excited. It isn't weird.

PureQuintessence · 02/02/2013 11:01

mrsbunnylove speaks a lot of sense. However I dont understand at all about name related rooms and patterns on baby, but aside from that, I agree...

pictish · 02/02/2013 11:02

Yy I need to know about patterns and name related rooms too?
Please explain?

OrangeLily · 02/02/2013 11:06

I assumed like the name Daisy then having daisy stencils or patterns in the baby's room?

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pictish · 02/02/2013 11:07

I am imagining a baby called Chintz or Burberry.
Is that close?

mrsjay · 02/02/2013 11:07

assumed like the name Daisy then having daisy stencils or patterns in the baby's room?

That is kinda what I thought maybe the just like plain walls in the bedroom

PureQuintessence · 02/02/2013 11:08

My imagination was more humdrum, as in "Square" or "Triangle".

I can see how it works with Lily, Daisy or Violet. But I dont understand how it is possible to like the name, say Daisy, and not like daisies.

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