Mumsnet Talk

My younger sister had lunch with me today (read, she met me on my lunch break and I paid for a meal- probably the first portion of veg she's had in weeks given she's a student) and she casually informed me she's been on a few dates with somebody. She doesn't talk to me (or any of our family) about her love life so I was very excited to be having a personal conversation with her. All was going well until I asked her if he was on her course. She then (again, very casually) informed me that he wasn't and he was in fact in his early 30s.

I get that she's an adult and I get that she can see whoever she wants but I can't help but think that it sounds rather sleazy for a man in his 30s to be interested in a girl who's only a second year student. How can they have anything in common? And how can they have an equal relationship if she's a skint student and he's a fairly well-of businessman.

She treated the age as just something a little awkward and says she can't relate to 'boys'. I think she's a bit star-struck by the lifestyle he's showing her. Should I say something to her? I can't see this ending well...

What?

She's an adult and she's going out with another adult? Oh the horror.

Are you serious?

Really? I don't think there is anything wrong with that, as long as she is happy in the relationship and they are both adults then age doesn't matter surely!

Eh? Can we only go out with people our own age?

YABU - So there is an approximately 12 year age gap between adults? Unless she is particularly vulnerable, for some reason you don't want to mention, you sound a little bit unhinged.

Thank God for you OP

You're the giver of veg and one day she'll be truly thankful for that.

As for the relationship 'advice', yes please give it to her but only when she's assured you she'll make an MN account and tell us all her reply....

The one thing guaranteed to not end well is any conversation expressing your reservations about a man you haven't even met.

what would you say to her?

"hey little sis, i know you think you're all growed up but this is a real scary grown up man, and he'll want to have sex and all sorts. i think you should stick to boys your own age who dont know what to do with it. now eat your veg"

You are being hugely unreasonable.

Oh do fuck off.

You wonder why she doesn't talk to you about her love life? You're still treating her like a bloody child. She's an adult, you tit.

Aye, has nowt to do wi' you.

Can you think of any reasons why she might not discuss her relationships with you? <subtlety fail>

I had a relationship when I was 18, with a 32 year old man, I was in my last year of flippin A levels!

I moved to London to study when I was 20, and if my sister had bought me veg and told me who I could date, I would have flippin told her where to stick her debit/credit card!

Or what SirB said

Omg you looper. Leave her alone.

Not feeling my most subtle tonight Agent

Personally I think her choice of men is down to her lack of 5-a-day.

At the risk of getting flamed here, I'm going to go slightly against the general theme here... I agree OP that it's a bit of an age gap with certain people at 20.
It depends on her maturity really though, if she is quite sensible, and future orientated then maybe he's seeing that in her and looking ahead to when she finishes her course. But if she is into the clubbing, drinking, nights out side of uni I would worry slightly that he was just seeing it as bit of fun/leading her on.
You will be able to tell a bit more if you meet him really though, so try not to judge beforehand.

So the overwhelming consensus is leave her to it? Will do.
FYI- I don't care if she's having (hopefully safe) sex, it's just the idea of my much younger sister dating a man older than me weirds me out. Shouldn't she be dating feckless students who's idea of romance is warm cider and some horrible indie music?
(I feel really conservative now!)

Dearie me, I met my DH originally when I was 16 and he 26 - didn't get together properly until 8 years later, but clearly our marriage and the relationship with the father of my child won't end well as we got together properly when I was early 20s and he in his 30s. I better go and tell him that when he's finished seeing to dd

HopAndSkip- She's quite mature (went through a lot as a teenager) but isn't very future-orientated, she's happy being a student with no responsibilities and has no interest in work/career goals.

"I would worry slightly that he was just seeing it as bit of fun/"

at 20, why would she want anything more than a bit of fun?

Ok, I nearly fell for it, its either a wind up or the OP meant early eighties.

"Shouldn't she be dating feckless students who's idea of romance is warm cider and some horrible indie music? "

does that sound appealing to you?

Bleurgh to warm cider