that my partner didn't cut the umbilical cord?

(128 Posts)
ScouseBrow Fri 01-Feb-13 17:52:54

My first is only 3 weeks old and whilst we are extremely happy and exhausted we are still quite upset by the fact that my partner never got to cut the umbilical cord.

It was written in my notes that he didn't want to cut it. When I was in labour however the nurse asked him again would he like to cut it and he said he wasn't sure and she said she would ask him again when it was time to cut it.

However once he was delivered the dr cut the cord himself and my partner was never asked.

We both feel like it was a special moment taken away from us. Aibu?

Whoknowswhocares Fri 01-Feb-13 18:39:32

Oh it's easy enough for him to be 'disappointed' now its too late to have to get his hands dirty.

He had the nine months you were pregnant to decide. Plus the labour. A second query from midwife and he still 'didnt know' (yeah right, he just felt awkward saying no probably, so hedged his answer) If he were that bothered at the last minute he could have piped up and asked the doctor couldn't he?

A special moment taken away? Don't make me laugh! The special moment was the safe delivery of your child, not the holding of the scissors!

CocktailQueen Fri 01-Feb-13 18:40:04

'It was written in my notes that he didn't want to cut it.'

Is this a typo??

I think YABU. Let's focus on the positive - ie your new baby. And your dh had the whole labour to enjoy hmm and the actual birth of your baby. If the mw had asked him and he was dithering, then fair enough that she forgot to ask again. get over it!!!

purpleloosestrife Fri 01-Feb-13 18:40:49

Oh OP - when you realise that something has been taken away that can NEVER come back, it is normal to feel a loss. However, please don't worry - as other posters have mentioned, there will be hundreds plenty of moments in your shared lives now that will be amazing experiences.

Also, your DP had reservations about doing it - who is to say that the actual act of trying to cut through a gristle cord might not have spoiled the moment for you both.

Just make sure you cherish these first few precious weeks - don't waste them on regretting this - enjoy the here and the now. You will never get this time again with your precious baby.

Boomerwang Fri 01-Feb-13 18:41:04

YABU. It wasn't clear from the outset nor close to the delivery of the baby what your OH wanted to do.

DoItToJulia Fri 01-Feb-13 18:41:45

shadylady on the money.

The OP is 3 weeks post partum, geez. Sometimes I wonder if mumsnet is for real.

1991all Fri 01-Feb-13 18:44:31

move on
seriously, just concentrate on your beautiful baby

DragonMamma Fri 01-Feb-13 18:44:56

YABU

As far as I can tell, at no point did he ever agree to cutting the cord so why on earth would you expect them to keep asking. If he was that bothered at the time he should have spoken up when he saw the cord being clamped.

Let it go. It's not really a big thing at all. I'm not even sure who cut my DC2's, possible my dh or dm but really, if they did they hardly feel wistful about it or probably ever think about it.

TraineeBabyCatcher Fri 01-Feb-13 18:45:46

How was the doctor, who will have read your notes 'stating partner does not want to cut the cord', meant to know that your partner actually maybe wanted to cut it after all.

captainmummy Fri 01-Feb-13 18:51:22

I had 3 Caesareans. it was not a option to cut the cord by anyone other than the surgeon. My DH was not even in the theatre with my 1st.

My 3 boys are absolutely wonderful and have a full and fantastic relationship with both of us.

the whole point is to get the child out of you and into your arms/onto the breast.

exoticfruits Fri 01-Feb-13 18:52:29

Good grief-who cares!
First he said that he didn't want to and then he didn't know-you could easily be upset because they forced him into it!
Concentrate on the baby and not trivialities.

Pancakeflipper Fri 01-Feb-13 18:52:56

OP, dont worry about the cord. There will be so many firsts and so many opportunities that come along to bond that honestly in a years time it will be an "oh well never mind" if you remember it.

Are you ok - is it your first baby? Hope baby is doing some sleeping. If at any point post-pregnancy you are feeling a little lost and bewildered there's help on this site. In other sections.

I think YABU just because he had already twice declined.
You say a DR cut it - so they wouldn't have even been aware that he was waiting to be asked again?
If it's important to YOU then I would be more pissed off with my OH for not saying yes in the first place and instead dilly dallying

I think some other people here are also being unreasonable....yes some women have been through a hell of a lot worse, but that doesn't mean OP cannot get upset about personal things to her...

SwedishEdith Fri 01-Feb-13 18:57:50

Ha ha ha ha at this OP - good one grin. Oh, I needed light relief after the horror of Coldplay winning the 6Music Top 100

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 01-Feb-13 18:59:38

Yabu.

Your notes are a record of what YOU want to happen during labor they are intended to convey your wishes not anybody else who does not happen to be in labor.

If its in your notes that you don't want that happening then tough shit if he decides he does, if you have no issue with him changing his mind and doing it you should have written "please ask DH if he wishes to cut cord when its time"

KC225 Fri 01-Feb-13 19:00:43

I agree with Pancake. 3 weeks in broken sleep and everything new. If this has become a big thing and you feel you cannot let it go then maybe you should talk to someone, have you spoken to GP or Health Visitor.

captainmummy Fri 01-Feb-13 19:02:00

Wait til you see her first smile - then the lack of scissor action willl fade into mist.

turningvioletviolet Fri 01-Feb-13 19:05:24

Dh didn't cut any of our 3 dcs cords; in fact he didn't even manage to turn up for the birth of dc3. They all seem to like each other well enough now.

ImperialBlether Fri 01-Feb-13 19:09:15

<Trying desperately to remember who cut my children's cords. I wish I knew whether I should be upset.>

Bowlersarm Fri 01-Feb-13 19:12:11

Really you must know YABU. In the greater scheme of things how does that matter? You have a beautiful baby. It's a first world problem, and you are negating the excellent midwife care you had, aren't you?

turningvioletviolet Fri 01-Feb-13 19:16:58

I almost feel like I should have sat up, legs akimbo with newborn dc between them and grabbed the scissors from the midwife so that I could have experienced that amazing feeling of cutting the cord. Seriously, 16 years and 3 dcs later, just the fact that we've managed to keep them alive is a far bigger achievement than cutting a cord. It really won't matter a jot in a couple of weeks.

gwenniebee Fri 01-Feb-13 19:17:06

It was written in your notes that he didn't want to! It is, as they say, a "non issue".

FWIW my dh hadn't decided either, and the mw encouraged him to. I can't believe he really remembers it or thought that much of it - and dd is only 6 months so it wasn't that long ago. The health and wellbeing of the baby (and me) was and is more important.

BinarySolo Fri 01-Feb-13 19:19:25

Cut the op some slack. I'm guessing this is your first child and so the birth is a massive thing and still pretty recent. In the months and years to come you'll realise it doesn't matter, but so soon after the birth I think it's quite normal to run over things that you weren't quite happy about. Just don't let it spoil the enjoyment of having a gorgeous new baby.

funnymum71 Fri 01-Feb-13 19:21:43

Oh heck. 3 week old baby + sleep deprived mum & Dad = non problem.

You have a healthy new baby and a million special moments to come. Park this up and move on before you let it spoil it for you anymore.

exoticfruits Fri 01-Feb-13 19:22:54

Try telling your teenage DC that you were upset their father didn't cut the cord and they will look at you as if you are nuts!

Yabu. Totally Ridiculous!

How could it ruin a special moment when you had been adamant he did not want to cut it? Dont make problems out of nothing.

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