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that my partner didn't cut the umbilical cord?

(128 Posts)
ScouseBrow Fri 01-Feb-13 17:52:54

My first is only 3 weeks old and whilst we are extremely happy and exhausted we are still quite upset by the fact that my partner never got to cut the umbilical cord.

It was written in my notes that he didn't want to cut it. When I was in labour however the nurse asked him again would he like to cut it and he said he wasn't sure and she said she would ask him again when it was time to cut it.

However once he was delivered the dr cut the cord himself and my partner was never asked.

We both feel like it was a special moment taken away from us. Aibu?

moonstorm Fri 01-Feb-13 18:03:21

Why all the fuss about the husband not getting to do the one thing that forever separates mother from baby...

Sorry, but YABU, but then you've just had a baby, so you're allowed. You won't even think about it in a few year's time.

Bottleoffish Fri 01-Feb-13 18:03:58

I don't think YABU, but I do agree in the scheme of things that it doesn't really matter in the long run.

I think it's very unfair that people are saying things like 'try giving birth to a brain damaged baby' or talking about stillborn babies are unfair. I have had both a child with Downs Syndrome and twins who were very premature and ultimately both died and yet when we had our youngest DD it was very important to DH to cut the cord and he would have been devastated if he hadn't been able to.

Many hospitals don't give you the option, and it was in your notes that he wasnt going to want to...

Congratulations on your newborn. I'm confident that when you are through the newborn exhausted, hormonal stage you won't be as bothered.

Fwiw I hate the symbolism of the ceremonial cord cutting. If a HCP does it, then it's just a routine thing.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Fri 01-Feb-13 18:05:40

You have a healthy baby.

Be grateful for and focus on that.

specialsubject Fri 01-Feb-13 18:05:50

may this be the worst thing that ever happens to you.

YAB....ridiculous.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Fri 01-Feb-13 18:07:52

Agree Bottleoffish I think the brain damaged baby comment is pretty unfair. Also if you read the OP shes 3 weeks post birth. Give her a break, eh?

Floggingmolly Fri 01-Feb-13 18:09:01

When did it become such a "special moment"? Presumably after he declined it in your birth plan, and said he wasn't sure when asked by the midwife.
How much time and energy did you expect to be devoted to changing his mind? hmm.
MOVE ON!

cocolepew Fri 01-Feb-13 18:09:38

YABU.

Coconutty Fri 01-Feb-13 18:09:38

You changed your minds at the last minute and the doctor didnt realise. So what? just forget it and move on, totally non problem.

Enjoy your baby, the early days are a special time.

nefertarii Fri 01-Feb-13 18:09:43

Bottleoffish and Binary

Read the OP. He didn't want to and was asked later and still wasn't sure. The priority at any birth (even healthy ones) are to make sure the baby is ok. Not stand around while the father decides whether he wants to or not.

Also he could have said so himself.

Shit like this pisses me off. As though medical professionals haven't got better stuff to do.

I believe its also quite important to cut the cord quite quickly. Not a time to discuss it. He should have made his mind up before.

How can something they didn't want be taken away?

YouOldSlag Fri 01-Feb-13 18:09:45

My DH had big plans to cut the cord but I ended up having a EMCS so it didn't happen and didn't seem so important after that.

He was able to do it for my 2nd, which was a ELCS though, which was nice.

As a previous poster said above, maybe it was tangled or needed to be done quickly, or maybe the Doc looked at your birth plan.

Anyway, I wanted two natural births and didn't get them, but I did get the world's two most incredible children, so I don't care about the rest. It seems very small now.

Pagwatch Fri 01-Feb-13 18:10:14

My dh didn't want to.
I don't think it is a precious moment unkess it is something you both deeply want to do when filled with the euphoria of the birth.
Other than that it is just flim flam. Like Valentines day.

I do hate being told the moments that are supposed to be precious. Life is not a made for tv movie.

sparkle101 Fri 01-Feb-13 18:14:55

My dh wanted to cut the cord, it was in my birth plan however the nurse did it. He was fine and I was fine.

He has an amazing relationship with her and she loves him so much, don't place too much emphasis on what will only be a minuscule part of his relationship with his child. There are loads and loads and loads other things to do and be part of. It doesn't change anything.

ShadyLadyT Fri 01-Feb-13 18:15:27

OP - try not to get too hung up on this. It's just one of those things smile

To those who have been a little more robust on the thread - she's just had a baby, it's so easy to get things out of perspective post partum, don't you think?

ratspeaker Fri 01-Feb-13 18:16:56

OP
as a mother of 4 whose DH never got to cut the cord at any birth can I advise you not to focus on one small moment, there will be days months and years of special moments ahead of you your partner and your baby.
It doesn't mean my DH loved any of our kids less

Absoluteeightiesgirl Fri 01-Feb-13 18:19:05

Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things

Bottleoffish Fri 01-Feb-13 18:20:15

Shit like this pisses me off. As though medical professionals haven't got better stuff to do.

I believe its also quite important to cut the cord quite quickly.

Actually it can be beneficial to delay clamping and cutting the cord.

Of course health professionals are busy, but that doesn't mean parent's wishes shouldn't be taken into account, does it? The midwife did say she would ask later, if it wasn't likely to be possible she should have said she needed a decision then and there. It takes two seconds to ask if the DH/DP wants to cut the cord. The midwife presumably forgot and these things happen, but it obviously seems very important to the OP right now so soon after the birth. Later on she'll probably wonder what she was upset about.

BartletForTeamGB Fri 01-Feb-13 18:26:02

The fact that a doctor delivered your baby suggests that things were not completely normal, as they just don't attend normal uncomplicated deliveries. My guess is that you are sad that things weren't as uncomplicated or easy as we all hope they are going to be, and are focusing on this small aspect in response to this. Your hospital might do a Birth Afterthoughts thing to talk about your baby's delivery which you and your partner might find helpful if this continues to prey on your mind.

Naysa Fri 01-Feb-13 18:27:36

It can't be that important if he didn't even want to do it in the first place hmm

treas Fri 01-Feb-13 18:32:06

YABU - try being more decisive in future

How long were you going to give him to decide with the baby dangling?

DH didn't want to do it, he looked like he'd run a mile if someone gave him the scissors grin

"It was written in my notes that he didn't want to cut it."

Why on earth is this the thing uppermost in your mind just now? Was it important to you? Is he whinging about it? Just - why?

Bottleoffish Fri 01-Feb-13 18:34:28

Ah, missed that bit in the OP, as they mention a doctor and a nurse, not a midwife, maybe the OP is not in the UK?

Heavywheezing Fri 01-Feb-13 18:35:37

I was going to bring up the dr bit rather than a midwife.

My mum gave me a bit of advise regarding the birth of my second son. I was neglected By the mw after the birth of my son by c section.

She said that you can either complain or just move on with your life. I choose to do the later.

I never think about it much now and I'm not bitter.

Enjoy your baby, don't worry about things like cutting the cord.

Fakebook Fri 01-Feb-13 18:39:22

Your notes said he didn't want to cut it. He was asked during labour if he wanted to cut it and didn't give a succinct answer. Labour and birth was about you and the baby, not your partner. He had a chance to say yes and he didn't. So for that reason YABU.

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