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AIBU?

To hate going to my parents' house...?

20 replies

FromHereToNextTuesday · 01/02/2013 15:33

Although i feel lucky to still have them around, I really struggle with enforced regression when I go back to my childhood home.

I get a flaming Easter egg mug as I'm still not considered worthy of the Grown-Up Matching Set of mug, lest I smash one.

I'm not allowed to help myself to biscuits in the 'secret tin'.

They eye me suspiciously if I don't finish dinner.

They get flappy if I don't replace items as found.

They get flappy if I don't keep my coat on a designated peg.

They huff and sigh if i scratch MY OWN CAR.

They takeover DS and DD with an air of "it's ok we'll look after you properly".

Etc.etc.

Christmas nearly finished me off. AIBU?

OP posts:

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SquinkiesRule · 01/02/2013 15:36

YANBU they still see/treat you as a child it would drive me bonkers.

ethelb · 01/02/2013 15:38

YANBU though I don't know what you can do about it. I wish I wanted to see my parents, but I can't stand being spoken to, and treated like I am a child and merely tolerated in their home.

MaxPepsi · 01/02/2013 15:39

Your parents sound like my in laws.

They are lovely people but just a little precious and particular. It really is no wonder my DH takes himself off to my parents all the time, where it's a mad house and welcoming no matter what time of day you turn up

If my PIL's are anything to go by I'm sure they mean well but just don't show it very well?

wineandroses · 01/02/2013 15:39

Nope, YANBU. What is it with elderly parents - they seem to want to drag you back to childhood days. Also, they get very focused on the minutiae, and don't get me started on the need for routine...mealtimes are so inflexible. Why is that?

Sorry, making assumptions that your parents are elderly.

That being said, I used to tell my parents they were turning into caricatures of themselves - they agreed, and laughed. Loved them, gone now.

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/02/2013 15:41

Have you talked to them about it?

Itsnearlysummertime · 01/02/2013 15:42

YANBU

CailinDana · 01/02/2013 15:57

Could you talk to them about it? I couldn't stand being treated like that - undermining you as a parent is going way way too far IMO.

whiteflame · 01/02/2013 16:07

Another vote for talking to them if possible.

If it were your own DC feeling like this in a few years, woudln't you rather know and have the chance to fix it?

ethelb · 01/02/2013 16:11

Hmm, but how would the DC talk to them sensibly if they treat her like this? Mine would get flappy and cross if I ever spoke to them.

FromHereToNextTuesday · 01/02/2013 16:14

They're only in their 50s, so no excuse really. I agree, I think this is more about undermining my parenting really (although the mug situation is grating).

I have talked to them, deaf ears. I doubt I could change them to be honest! Weirdly they were always quite lax about things like staying out late and boys in beds. They are a little odd.

OP posts:

ethelb · 01/02/2013 16:18

They sound exactly like mine. Could you see them less?

OnTheBottomWithAWomansWeekly · 01/02/2013 16:24

Have you siblings you can enlist to help? (and to whom you can vent and turn it into something amusing rather than annoying?)

e.g. One Christmas, my sister and I were setting the table in my parent's house (my DD was about 10 at the time, so we were both in our 30's).

My mother went to the dresser to take out the normal (non matching) dinner plates.

We said "why aren't you taking out the nice china" and DM made the mistake of saying "that's the good stuff" - cue us going to town on her -
"Are we not special enough for the good crockery? Is Christmas Day not special enough for the good china?" (all joking but quite loud and we kept it going for a while, also we took the old plates and put them back and set the table with the nice stuff). She saw sense eventually!

I think the best way is to take it handy over the non essential stuff, and nicely stand your ground over the non negotiables - no argument or explanations, just "No, that's not happening" (e.g. when they are undermining your parenting). I find my folks huffed a bit when I first did this, but because I ignored the huff, and only put my foot down for the serious issues, it is now fine.

Mind you my DM still says "Are you wearing a coat?" when I leave after a visit (I'm 43) even if I am getting straight into the car...

SquinkiesRule · 01/02/2013 16:30

Start calling the secret adult biscuit tin, the "old people biscuit tin"

ethelb · 01/02/2013 16:47

Can you have your own secret biscuit tin?

FromHereToNextTuesday · 01/02/2013 17:06

@ Squinkies

I have a secret biscuit handbag...

I have a younger sister, she gets it worse than I do. She lives with them during uni holidays and gets royally chastised if she doesn't make her bed [childish snigger emoticon]

OP posts:

ethelb · 01/02/2013 17:12

@FROM your situation is wierdly similar to mine. I have two young siblings, one at sixth form one at uni.

Do you think it is due to having a younger sibling at home and your parents not being able to snap out of 'being a parent' mode? I'm not saying its acceptable. My own relationship with my parents has really suffered due to their odd behaviour.

But do you think it will change when she moves out?

FromHereToNextTuesday · 01/02/2013 17:51

Possibly, sister does still need a fair bit of parenting. Also I left home, got married, started a business, had kids all quite young and quite quickly. Perhaps they haven't caught up yet.

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Nanny0gg · 01/02/2013 18:56

Some of what you say must be annoying, but why is it unreasonable for them to want things put back where they belong? You don't live there anymore, isn't it polite to ask before hunting for the 'secret' tin?

I don't help myself to stuff in my DC's houses. Why should you, just because you used to live there?

Other stuff is quirky if annoying, why can't you ignore? It clearly doesn't happen that often does it?

asleb · 01/02/2013 19:03

Did you see the thread about the ways parents and in laws are precious/annoying a few weeks ago that was moved in to classics? It was fantastic and you could have added some great examples to it!

asleb · 01/02/2013 19:04

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1651633-Omg-such-anality-from-pil-Come-and-share-your-anal-behaviour-stories-lighthearted

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