To think partner is starting to take advantage a bit?

(66 Posts)
QueenNothing Fri 01-Feb-13 12:38:49

My partner is hoping to buy a house within the next 6 months. In the meantime, I agreed he could unofficially live with me providing me helps me out with groceries etc. He agreed.

He's been here since new year and has so far not contributed anything. He buys the odd carton of milk or loaf of bread but that's it. On top of this, he asked me to buy better tea-bags and moans that I need a deep fat fryer as my oven chips are tasteless. The other day he offered to make me a casserole - but text me to ask me to buy some sirloin steak for it whilst I was out!

This morning he told me he was going to shop as he wanted some lemonade and orange juice. I asked what else he was buying and he said that was all 'he' needed. So I took the opportunity to ask him to buy me coffee and bread. At this point he asked "why don't you come with me?" in other words - come and pay for the stuff you want. I said I didn't have time so he went and bought me the cheapest coffee going - considering he insists on the most expensive tea-bags I felt this was taking the piss somewhat!?

He used to take me out every week and since he moved in here, we've not even been out.

He keeps going on about me moving in with him when he buys this new house but I'm wondering if he's just trying to keep me sweet with the promise of a new house if I keep him for the next 6 months. What's more annoying is that he keeps boasting of having £20k in the bank whilst I'm getting by on £18k a year.

I know I'm not BU actually!

DontmindifIdo Fri 01-Feb-13 13:28:34

YANBU - so give him a choice, he either leaves within the week, or he starts paying 50% of all bills, and you each do the weekly shop every other week. Tell him he's freeloading and you're not going to keep him for 6 months while he buys a place.

ComradeJing Fri 01-Feb-13 13:38:10

Yep, LTB.

Zalen Fri 01-Feb-13 13:48:35

You need to take this as an early warning of what's to come. He won't learn and he won't change. No need to go overboard, maybe a quiet word, 'this isn't working, when can you leave?' But set a definite date, get rid and move on!

corlan Fri 01-Feb-13 13:51:30

Definite cocklodger ( and in my experience, cocklodgers don't change)

My normal first question; Do you love him? Do you even like him?
From your OP it doesn't really sound like it.
Do you see yourself with this man in 5 years time?
If you really love him and want this to work then you need to be totally honest with him.
Tell him exactly what you've told us. Don't beat about the bush. He's a man, they don't take hints, they need full on information.
If you and he want to make this work then he needs to start putting something into the relationship.
Sit down with your bills and your income and show him what you have coming in and what you have going out.
Tell him he needs to start contributing. Only you 2 can decide how that will happen. My OH doesn't pay half of my bills etc... but he contributes in loads of other ways so it is pretty even.
If you don't see a future then it's time to cut and run and tell him he needs to move out as you don't see this going anywhere and that he is taking the piss out of you!
Good luck!

TheCraicDealer Fri 01-Feb-13 14:29:25

You need to say something like, "Now you're living here utilities are going up and I'm spending more on groceries for the two of us. How much do you want to give me per month?"

If he does anything other than ask for your bank details to set up a standing order, you need rid. Otherwise you're going to be used and then unceremoniously dumped when he no-longer needs to stay with you or you'll have a relationship filled with bitterness and griping over money.

expatinscotland Fri 01-Feb-13 14:37:51

'No need to go overboard, maybe a quiet word, 'this isn't working, when can you leave?' But set a definite date, get rid and move on! '

The problem with this is that cocklodgers use quiet to their advantage. This man buttered her up to talk her into this sham of an agreement ('. . . help me out with groceries . . . '), so 'when can you leave' is going to be met with all manner of reasons why he can't. He strings her along with talk of how he will move her into this new house so he can get his free 6 months rooms and board.

Classic freeloader.

This is why you can't have a quiet word or ask this freeloader to leave.

Spongers needs to be told their gravy train is derailed and they have to get off. Now.

Ooh I vote for expat's plan

expatinscotland Fri 01-Feb-13 14:41:16

This person is an adult. They do not need to be sat down with bills and told that bills rise when one adult moves in with another, or that they need to stump up, or have a choice or 'How much can you give me?'

That's self-evident to any adult, and an adult who respects another person doesn't need training or to see utility statements or any of that shit when someone they love takes them into save money on their rent. Such an adult automatically approaches the other to ask what their share is and will be and sets up a standing order to fullfil that.

A cocklodging freeloader, however, is . . . well, your boyfried.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 01-Feb-13 14:44:59

You have known him about a year, and he's been living with you a year??

Kick him out, what a freeloading wanker.

Joiningthegang Fri 01-Feb-13 14:45:55

He is a twat

But you are allowing hom to be a twat

Take responsibility, either tell him and see if things improve or get rid

ShephardsDelight Fri 01-Feb-13 14:45:58

Oh dear, he does sound like a piss taker.

aswell as courtesy , the fact you haven't been out is quite sad, if its like this before the house can you imagine what it will be like afterwards.

AThingInYourLife Fri 01-Feb-13 14:47:00

"Kick him out. Who the hell uses sirloin steak in a casserole for a start?"

grin

I love Mumsnet smile

GregBishopsBottomBitch Fri 01-Feb-13 14:49:43

Scrounging twat, get rid pronto, he obviously just sees you as a cash cow.

LadyBeagleEyes Fri 01-Feb-13 14:55:00

I'm so glad I'm single.
Who are these men that women let walk all over them like that?
I wouldn't even bother sitting down and discussing the matter or working out what he should pay.
He's proved himself to be a sefish, twat, If it was me it would be non negotiable.
And he's also mean, which IMO is one of the worst traits anybody, male or female could have.

kalidanger Fri 01-Feb-13 14:58:32

OP's only had him at her place since New Year. She's wised up pretty quickly. It took me an extra week and a half, I think.

Bin him.

He can find somebody else to buy him high quality tea bags. I would not be surprised if he has NO plans to buy a house, only keeps you sweet and dangles home ownership as a carrot in front of you.

kalidanger Fri 01-Feb-13 15:02:23

Wait a sec - it took me a week and a half less but I'd had some prior hints/flags.

Anwyay.

"you are now taking the piss out of me. If you wish to continue to live here it will be £100 a week - and you owe me for the weeks you have already lived here - payment in ADVANCE"

try the above by text. His response will tell you all you need to know.

Sallyingforth Fri 01-Feb-13 15:02:50

He's NOT a partner. Partners share things. He isn't - he's all take and no give.

I hope he's superb in bed because he'll never be good for anything else.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 01-Feb-13 15:03:36

Oh since New Year, sorry grin

manicbmc Fri 01-Feb-13 15:04:12

Could a man that selfish with his cash be at all giving in the sack? I doubt it.

sooperdooper Fri 01-Feb-13 15:07:49

He's a complete piss take, tell him tonight that he needs to contibute 50% towards bills and alternate weeks he does the shopping, which you'll give him a list for (include wine and chocolate)

I also agree he owes you for the month he's been there, cheeky arse

Icelollycraving Fri 01-Feb-13 15:07:56

It's all a load of pony! Get shot.

CheeseandPickledOnion Fri 01-Feb-13 15:09:09

Cocklodger.

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