not be really happy about other kids telling me my DS "has done well today"?

(68 Posts)
DiamondDoris Thu 31-Jan-13 18:16:56

My DS has learning disablities, speech and language problems and asd traits. He's 6, tiny for his age. I know his classmates feel protective towards him but I feel a bit cheesed off when other 6 or 7 year olds think it's their job to judge how well he's done in class. Surely that's the job of the teachers and TAs? He spends 19 hours with the TAs and SEN TAs anyway. The kids don't want to be his friend, he never gets invited to parties or playdates, plays by himself at playtime - he just seems to be molly-coddled by his peers.

MissBetseyTrotwood Fri 01-Feb-13 20:17:26

Ds1 is also lego, hates football, loves hornby. Can he join? He's a bloody great kid, even though many of his peers don't appreciate him.

Yes, let's start a club! smile

kids should be educated together.

And this ^ exactly. And until they are, and it's done properly, the kind of ignorance that makes my DS's life harder than it is already will continue to exist.

MrsDeVere Fri 01-Feb-13 16:10:44

I am sorry Lougle I hadn't read your post when I posted.
Your DD's sounds a lot like my DS and I a very happy that he is in SNS.
BUT what Zavi appears to be saying sounds very different from what you seem to be saying.

SNS should not exist. I am not anti SNS (that might sound weird) but kids should be educated together.

I think the SNS model is far superior to the MS model. If all MS followed it we would not need SNS.

nailak Fri 01-Feb-13 15:20:03

Why would a ms site not be secure? That is strange!

I have a good friend whose child was in SS, and was not progressing, as soon as he moved to ms within 2 weeks he was reading, socialising, talking etc. she found in SS they met his reluctance to talk by using sign, and didn't really encourage him, did not meet his needs.

MrsDeVere Fri 01-Feb-13 15:11:59

It is nonsense to suggest all children to better in SNS.
My son is doing beautifully in a SNS but he could have stayed in MS with the right support.

There is absolutely no reason for him to be SNS apart from the fact I got sick of trying to get him properly supported.

He flourishes in a SNS because it has small classes and they are nurturing.

There are no magic and mysterious teaching tricks or special equipment.

The children are just children.

OP. I understand why you feel cheesed off. I am sure they are being kind but I would be a bit hmm too.

Good luck with the statement.

nailak Fri 01-Feb-13 15:06:12

Others experiences are different though. Not all kids do better in special schools.

lougle Fri 01-Feb-13 15:03:40

I wouldn't have phrased it in the way Zavi has, and I would defend every parent's right for a child to be educated in a MS school, but my heart sang when you said Special School is the next step, DiamondDorris!

My DD1 goes to SS. She is 7. She's probably the most able child in her class. She is more able than many in the school who are in higher years, as she has Moderate Learning Difficulties and her school caters from PMLD-MLD.

The truth is, "However, he occupies the same place on the social hierarchy of the classroom as the rest of the children" just isn't true, because his needs and developmental delays place him in a different zone to the other children, no matter what we would like to think.

In Special School, all the children have needs. DD1 has articulation problems, she has general needs. She's continent by day. Someone else at her school may have perfect speech but be incontinent by day.

The bizarre thing, is that all the children are just who they are there. DD1 says 'oh yea, Wobbie uses signs to talk. Tameron uses words....' Children with SN aren't silly, they just know that 'this is the way this is' and the needs are inconsequential to their day.

At SS my child is independently collecting a register from the office and returning to her classroom. The site is secure, they have CCTV - she can't get lost and she can't escape. At MS she would need a TA by her side, because the site isn't secure.

Songbird Fri 01-Feb-13 14:42:48

I can totally understand where you're coming from, but it is quite sweet DiamondDoris. The children haven't necessarily 'made a judgement' about his work and achievements, they might just have been repeating what the teacher said in class.

mathsconundrum Fri 01-Feb-13 14:36:02

These are the type of children who'd leave someone out but make a big show of taking them to the teacher if they were injured. Small children can be patronising and smug too.

FightingForSurvival Fri 01-Feb-13 14:31:00

I have no idea what an obeisance is!

FightingForSurvival Fri 01-Feb-13 14:30:25

Aw it's quite sweet really. My worst obeisance a mum who lives near me and she has chats with her son about mine and reports back to me. Wtf lol. I avoid her much as I can!

elliejjtiny Fri 01-Feb-13 14:00:04

My DS2 has physical disabilities and the other children in his class tend to mother him, I think it's quite sweet. DS1 also tends to mother him at school, including telling DS2's teacher when she isn't looking after DS2 to the standard DS1 thinks is right. I think that's quite swweet as well although I don't think DS2's teacher agrees grin

Zavi Fri 01-Feb-13 13:35:41

Good luck Diamond.

With specialist teaching, in a setting that is appropriate to your son's specific needs and abilities, I wouldn't be surprised if you see him flourish - including socially.

Mainstream schooling was not designed for children with special needs and, from what i've seen, despite a willingness to be inclusive by offering additional support, often fails them.

I'd be very surprised if your son was excluded/treated differently to the same extent as he is now by his peers in a special school.

nailak Thu 31-Jan-13 23:07:03

there is a child in my dd2s nursery with behaviour issues they are 3/4 and when my 2 year old does something wrong dd2 often tells me, dont worry mummy, he is still learning, just like x,

the teacher says the whole class seem to be quite protective of this boy when i mentioned my dd2 was always mentioning him.

Summerblaze Thu 31-Jan-13 22:16:25

Zavi. Have a biscuit.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 31-Jan-13 22:13:48

MisBetsey, and aldi

Yes, Ds1 is also lego, hates football, loves hornby. Can he join? He's a bloody great kid, even though many of his peers don't appreciate him.

MissBetseyTrotwood Thu 31-Jan-13 22:11:57

X posts OP. Well done on the statement. smile

MissBetseyTrotwood Thu 31-Jan-13 22:10:28

My DS1 is a footie hater too. He 'doesn't like the pushing and shouting and kicking.' He's fanatical about Lego though. Shall we hook them up aldiwhore ? grin

DiamondDoris Thu 31-Jan-13 22:10:20

Zavi - he's getting a statement - I think the next step will be a special school.

McNewPants2013 Thu 31-Jan-13 22:08:27

Zavi, my son doesn't need a special school. He functions well in school but with a bit of extra support.

Did you mean for your respponce to be so rude?

aldiwhore Thu 31-Jan-13 22:04:12

Haven't made it clear, but I have two sons... both very different! In case the flow seemed contradictory.

aldiwhore Thu 31-Jan-13 22:03:29

Neverquitesure and diamonddoris on one count you are both unargueably (spelling sorry) right... the playdates, parties, general mateyness... to be excluded from that is awful and upsetting. It's simply not on.

I guess I see it (aside from that) like this... my 5 year old comes home with certificates saying "good job today - Huwi showed really imagination/was kind/shared his things" etc etc., and Huwi echoes that language with his brother, me, his dad, the damn cat! I see the general support of any child as a positive thing. Whether our children have SEN or not, they and us are all 'grateful' they're not being picked on... sadly becase it's so common.

My son (as I've said) has no SEN, just different tastes that leave him omitted from various social engagements. The parents are guilty of excluding him 'because they know his doesn't like football and it was a football party' = assumption and missing the point! Or because the children just don't gel with him, and it's heartbreaking. Not everyone is as forward as the parent who hands every child (if they can afford an all child party) an invite and says "I know you hate footy but we'd love you to come along!" - THAT is a very common problem and not just a SEN problem. (We see it on here enough).

On the point of social inclusion outside of normal school hours, hey, your child is suffering what many non SEN children suffer, and it is not an exclusive SEN issue. It's horrid, I feel for you, all I know is you cannot change everyone else, all you can do is not join them, and make a massive effort to throws random BBQ's, playdates, park trips and invites everyone you possibly can think of (at no financial cost!) so that you can always say you tried. x

exoticfruits Thu 31-Jan-13 22:02:07

An utterly ridiculous post!

IwishIwasmoreorganised Thu 31-Jan-13 21:51:01

Zavi, children with SEN can and do thrive in mainstream schools with appropriate support in place.

What a ridiculous post!

MissBetseyTrotwood Thu 31-Jan-13 21:48:46

I can't speak for the OP or for any other parent of a child with SN but the reason why we chose to educate our DS at the local school is that our child has as much right to be a full part of his community as any other - attending the same school as his siblings, being there with children he's known his whole life, going to the park afterwards... some of the things it is hard to do if you are bussed out of your area to school then bussed home again afterwards if the school for children with special needs isn't local. (As ours isn't.)

For many parents, a place in a specialised unit is the right thing and for many it's not. I for one am glad my DCs attend a fully inclusive mainstream school, where a child's difference is planned for right from the start. My youngest is the 'Star Achiever' in his class this week and his brother will be cheering him on at his special assembly tomorrow, something that wouldn't be happening if they were separated. A small thing perhaps - but important too.

CloudsAndTrees Thu 31-Jan-13 21:46:19

Zavi! shock

Was that really worth posting? Don't you think the OP knows what's best for her own child without the input of some Internet random that knows next to nothing about her family?

And mainstream schools can cater exceptionally well for many children with LDs. As you would know if you had the first clue what you were on about.

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