My now-ex best friend is a thief

(117 Posts)
wineoclocktimeyet Thu 31-Jan-13 17:57:57

Initially I was really sad and disappointed but now I'm just furious.

Background - became friends with a mum with a similar aged son to DS2 about 8 months and we just clicked from the start - really good laugh we'd meet at least twice a week and I thought we were developing a life-long friendship.

Until, yesterday - we met in our local shopping centre as usual and pottered about getting bits and pieces and then had a coffee and a snack - she was queueing and her DS spilt someone so I opened her changing bag to get some wipes, sitting on the top was a eyeshadow set which we'd been looking at in Boots but hadnt bought as it was too expensive.

Long story short, she admitted she'd stolen it and that she has been shoplifting items for years.

I'm thinking so many things:

- someone I thought of as a best friend is a THIEF
- how can I have got someone so wrong
- I totally trusted her, she has babysat a couple of times - she promised she has never steals from friends (so thats ok then) but of course now I'm trying to think of all the things I might have 'lost'
- she has stolen items when I am with her - would anyone really have believed I wasnt in on it and she knows I am working in a job which would be ruined if I got any type of criminal record
- I'm wondering if any of the presents she has ever given my children are stolen.

and so it goes on

I'm not sure why I'm writing this but just getting it out helps. I did think of name changing but actually J if you are a netmum and are reading this, I want you to know how hurt and angry I am and so very very sorry but this is the end of what could have been a wonderful friendship sad sad

SugarMouse1 Thu 28-Feb-13 20:03:12

Sorry, know this is an old thread, but didn't see it before!

Anyway, I understand how you feel OP.

A schoolfriend (who was thoroughly spoilt by her parents and got £60 a week pocket money) used to steal from the school canteen and pressured me to do it (I didn't).

I hate this attitude that stealing is okay. Its greedy and selfish, not to mention incredibly stupid to risk a criminal record (LASTING FOR LIFE!!!) for a few bits and pieces from Boots.

And the fact that this woman did that in front of her young son, that is unforgiveable, she must be SCUM!!!!!

Out of interest, is this friend well-off or struggling with money? Is she just materialistic? Or do you think she is addiccted to the thrill, like a kleptomaniac?

Don't go shopping with her, don't have her around your DC's and explain that you think what she has done is wrong

All the Best, OP

CuriousMama Sun 03-Feb-13 13:52:25

Borntobeamum that's terrible. I wonder what she'd stolen before and you hadn't noticed?

mirry2 Sun 03-Feb-13 12:44:28

OP You're better off without her as a friend and sadly she will probably bring up her own dc to see shoplifting aka stealing, as no big deal. So maybe your own dc will be better off as well.

Borntobeamum Sun 03-Feb-13 10:42:42

I would feel just as you do.
I had a good friend and she stole from me.
She stole my purse while I was at her house.
I realised it was gone and asked if it had fallen our of my bag. She said no.
A few days later she rang and asked if she could borrow my boots card to buy some baby milk. (This was over 20 yrs ago when boots did a sort of credit card)
I replied I didn't have it as it had been in my purse.
'No it wasn't!' She replied.
I asked how she knew and she got all flustered and hung up.

I cut off all ties with her.

You really don't need friends like this.

Sallyingforth Sun 03-Feb-13 09:45:17

Yes. math puts it very well.
I'm sure you are not so hard up for friends that you need to risk your future by associating with her.
You are very fortunate that you found out about her before she got you into trouble.

Bunbaker Sun 03-Feb-13 08:26:18

That 'no big deal' bit in her text could only come from someone who sincerely doesn't care about how you feel or about your welfare. Not friend material therefore.

I totally agree.

themaltesecat Sun 03-Feb-13 08:01:41

You did the right thing.

Can't abide dishonest people.

mathanxiety Sun 03-Feb-13 06:06:57

Glad you sent that text and I wouldn't go near her with a bargepole ever again.

Everything she has said that you have reported here says she is a person who uses others, with a sense of entitlement to what she wants and no scruples. I suspect if she had ever been caught she would have thrown you under the bus, told store security you had put her up to it, etc. That 'no big deal' bit in her text could only come from someone who sincerely doesn't care about how you feel or about your welfare. Not friend material therefore.

BumBiscuits Sun 03-Feb-13 01:36:25

Thing is, you've told her how you feel, you're not seething with resentment etc.

If it means that much to you, don't see her again. She'll know exactly why and maybe will just shoplift when she's out and about alone from now on

Your conscience is clear...unless you want to report her to Boots that is.

BoomerFREEHULLYwang Sat 02-Feb-13 20:46:23

Good on you.

CuriousMama Sat 02-Feb-13 20:42:36

No big deal shock

No I don't think you think she's your BFF but she sounds like she's a limpet? I guess she isn't inundated with friends looking for shopping trips?

wineoclocktimeyet Sat 02-Feb-13 20:14:22

dontmind you're so right, part of my anger (and hurt) is at myself for getting her so wrong and at her for somehow 'tricking' me - she should know me well enough to know I wouldnt find stealing acceptable.

CuriousMama title is a bit misleading, she wasnt my BFF but we were close and I really felt in time it could have developed into something really good.

To everyone who thinks it wasnt personal to me, I disagree, ignoring the fact she deceived me, she also put me and my family in 'danger' - if I had been with her when she was caught and was implicated I could/would lose my job and we could not survive without my income.

merlotandme its not that I feel my children weren't safe with her, its the fact that someone I now dont trust was alone (iyswim) in my house.

I have had 3 texts from her since wednesday, the first 2 with no apology, just as if everything hadnt happened. When I didnt reply (I made it clear on wed how I felt) she sent 1 saying she thinks I'm overreacting and its no big deal shock.

I've texted back that actually I think it is a huge deal and as we obviously are poles apart on this, perhaps we shouldnt be in contact just now.

I appreciate everyone's comments, thank you.

Lifeisontheup Sat 02-Feb-13 14:28:56

I very glad that my parents taught me ' a person is judged by the company they keep'.
I also agree with the poster who said if you're happy with shoplifting then don't bother reporting burglary or your purse being nicked or your children's mobile phone being stolen or indeed prices going up in the shops. It's stealing plain and simple.

CuriousMama Sat 02-Feb-13 14:21:43

hmm at the blase attitude to shop lifting. Have any of you noticed how many big companies are closing? How many decent employees are being made redundant? Surely shoplifting won't be helping? Would you mind if your own dcs grow up and have this charming habit?

I'd dump her asap. And be telling her why.

Am curious, does she have many friends? Strange to become BFF in such a short time imo?

DontmindifIdo Sat 02-Feb-13 14:05:56

Was thinking about this again, OP, do you think part of the strength of your hurt by her actions is also hurt at yourself for being a bad judge of character? I've known shoplifters in the past, and they were people I felt before hand weren't quite trustworthy, so it wasn't a shock (although very disappointing) to find out they steal. It could be you really felt she was 'like you' and it's shocked you more because of that.

BumBiscuits Sat 02-Feb-13 10:07:34

Another thought. Years ago in a shopping centre, 2 men approached me and attempted to rob my handbag. They told me they were store detectives and wanted to search me. I was shocked and said there's no way I've been shoplifting and held out my bag which they then tried to grab. That was when I realised it was a scam and fucking pulled my bag back with all my strength. I was a gym bunny at the time and had more oomph than they realised. I started screaming at the same time and they eventually let go and ran off.

I'll get to my point. The shopping centre staff took me into their control room to look at images of suspected shoplifters/pickpockets/scumbags in general to see if I recognised them (I had to also go later to the police station to look at their photo albums).

I saw a few people that I knew vaguely and a lot of the pics were people who definitely didn't look shady (to me).

If you are out shopping with a shoplifter, even if you are completely in the dark and innocent, you will be featuring in one of those photo albums!

BumBiscuits Sat 02-Feb-13 09:54:58

Saturday & Sunday job = weekend job....too early in the day for me to me mumsnetting!

BumBiscuits Sat 02-Feb-13 09:54:11

bunbaker, many people steal magazines inside newspapers. I had a Saturday job in a newsagent when I was at school and I always checked the papers. At the time the Sunday Sport was on the go and a local celeb had tucked one inside his Sunday Times, I think it wasn't that he didn't want to pay for it, more he was embarrased buying it!

A pal's DH openly admits to doing the mag inside a paper thing, saying the magazines he likes are far too expensive to pay for.

Bunbaker Fri 01-Feb-13 16:37:59

I have worked in retail and caught out a couple of shoplifters. In both cases they had hidden another item inside something they were paying for. I always made a point of removing lids from things to check and I found a knife in saucepan and something in a breadbin. In both cases the customer looked embarrassed and paid for the extra items. I alerted the section manager and they were followed out of the store.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Fri 01-Feb-13 13:32:27

I'd be pissed off with her and while I might not end the friendship over it I wouldnt be meeting her in a shopping centre again!

Worked in retail a long time and I hate shoplifters! I hate their excuses as to why its "ok" to steal from the bigger companies (it still costs the company money when someone steals!) etc etc. I know someone (not through choice) who shoplifts fairly regularly and its accpetable to steal from somewhere like Boots because they can "afford to lose a few bits here and there" hmm

I am however puzzled at how personally you've taken this. It doesnt sound like she's ever stolen from you personally. I would be very annoyed if I found out a present she's given my child or me had been nicked tho.

DontmindifIdo Fri 01-Feb-13 13:24:41

yes, so if she thinks it's ok to steal from the shops because they can afford it, does that mean if she wants to take from anyone else who has more money than her because they can afford it will be ok? I could cope with having £20 taken out of my purse, would that mean if she was at the same toddler group as me it would be ok for her to take money out of my purse?

She might say she wouldn't do that, but I bet if she was asked by shop security if she'd steal from their shop she'd act all indignent about it and say she'd not take from them. You know she's a thief, don't take the risk that it's only from shops that she'll take stuff.

diddl Fri 01-Feb-13 12:49:32

She thinks it´s OK because she wants the stuff but can´t afford it??

Blimey-that´s taking entitled to the nth degree!!

I wouldn´t see her again.

terrierist Fri 01-Feb-13 12:33:09

I own a small shop. I buy stuff then sell it for more money than I paid. With the extra money I pay things like business rates, electricity, the wages of the people who work with me etc. Whatever is left over is my wages and I pay income tax on it.

Shoplifters are not stealing from my shop - a shop is just a building with stuff in - they are stealing from me as much as if they took the money directly from my purse.

Yanbu - but Thingummy's response to you is....

You would definitely be implicated as an accomplice if she was caught shoplifting whilst out with you.

With any luck, you would both be arrested and end up on the local police station, and your mums/partners called to bail you out... (At least if you were teenagers. wink )

MerlotAndMe Fri 01-Feb-13 12:28:45

Id just be concerned she'd get caught and fuck up her life. I wouldn't be feeling worried that she'd babysat my children. geez!

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