To not want to visit granny?

(21 Posts)
YorkshireDeb Thu 31-Jan-13 05:39:15

Bit of a cheat really - I know IABU but think I need a kick up the arse & thought you lot might be able to do it for me. Dps granny is in her 80s & is in hospital in london at the moment. We went down for a long weekend last weekend as she'd taken a turn for the worse. She had improved a lot by the time we left Sunday. She's had another turn for the worse & he'd like to go back down after work on Friday. Of course I'm happy to go - but was due to send ds for an overnight stay at my parents on Friday as he's not sleeping well at the moment & I desperately need a night off to catch up on sleep I can't seem to stop myself from feeling sad that I'm missing out on my night off. Please feel free to tell me how selfish I'm being. Now is not the time to be thinking of myself - I need to support dp in being there for granny when she's poorly. X

ClipClapClop Thu 31-Jan-13 05:44:19

I'm probably a bit heartless but I would send DP alone ( it is his granny after all) and get some sleep.

TanteRose Thu 31-Jan-13 05:44:23

well, actually, I would tell DP to go down on the Friday night on his own, TBH...

you were there last weekend.

does he have other support down in London - parents, siblings etc?

YorkshireDeb Thu 31-Jan-13 05:52:36

Yes, he does have other support down there. He did actually suggest going alone but that just didn't seem right - I feel like I should be there to support him. X

TanteRose Thu 31-Jan-13 05:54:23

Nah, you get some sleep!

you can support him from a distance...

sorry to hear about granny btw sad

MammaTJ Thu 31-Jan-13 06:05:27

You cannot support him from the position of being on your knees. He is happy to go alone, it really is a no brainer.

YorkshireDeb Thu 31-Jan-13 06:50:58

Thanks ladies. It does sound obvious when you put it like that. I guess I'm not thinking very straight with tiredness. X

diddl Thu 31-Jan-13 06:58:13

I think he could/should go alone.

Especially as you went last weekend-and have a toddler to think about!

KC225 Thu 31-Jan-13 07:21:49

I agree with the others, you were there last weekend. Get some sleep, when he gets home = tired and down then you support him

Molehillmountain Thu 31-Jan-13 07:23:43

Quite fair enough for him to go alone this time.

Reaa Thu 31-Jan-13 07:24:52

I agree with everyone else, send DP by self and look forward to your whole night of sleep smile

pictish Thu 31-Jan-13 07:26:35

He should go alone. x

Tailtwister Thu 31-Jan-13 07:46:38

Another vote for sending him alone.

vladthedisorganised Thu 31-Jan-13 10:52:06

Slightly different perspective - it might be easier on DP's family if he is there alone, from the point of view that hospitals can be tricky places to visit and it's much easier if a single person from the 'extended' family wants to see his granny, rather than two plus DC.

So it may be best all round if he goes by himself.

That help? smile

Aniseeda Thu 31-Jan-13 11:15:35

I agree, let him go on his own this time.

When my Gran was dying, I went by myself, leaving DH with our three children at home. No one batted an eyelid that DH didn't come with me and tbh, it was easier to just be with my parents and sister, knowing that I didn't have to worry about my home responsibilities for a bit.

You are not being selfish at all, you sound lovely and supportive.

Catch up on your sleep as planned and take it from there.

Apparentlychilled Thu 31-Jan-13 11:17:55

Yep, send him on his own. After a good night's sleep, you'll be better able to support him when he comes back.

Crinkle77 Thu 31-Jan-13 11:57:20

Well if he suggested going alone then don't feel too bad

Astley Thu 31-Jan-13 12:03:26

When my DGM was dying in hosptial I wanted to go alone. DH did drive me there as I don't think I would have made it without having an accident at the time, but when we got there I went in alone as there were things I wanted to say for her alone to hear.

So if he can manage the drive I think he's probably rather go alone.

YorkshireDeb Thu 31-Jan-13 12:06:56

Thanks ladies. I genuinely thought I was being selfish to even consider it. Think I'll talk to him tonight about staying at home. Vlad I tend to wait at his mum's house while they go visiting so I don't take up space - I realise there's far more important people than me to be by her bedside. X

vladthedisorganised Thu 31-Jan-13 17:04:02

Of course Yorkshire - I knew you were being sensitive to your DP and just wanted to show you that there were all sorts of reasons why you were making the right decision!

Now, it was slightly different when my cousin wanted his girlfriend and two housemates to come at the same time to see my mum in hospital.. there was an awkward conversation if ever I've had one.

Hope you get some sleep! x

NatashaBee Thu 31-Jan-13 17:27:14

If you're at home making sure your son is looked after (even if it's by your parents) and keeping things ticking over, then you are supporting him. DH didn't visit my dad in hospital when he was dying, but he shouldered EVERYTHING else, which was a massive, massive relief to me.

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