Mumsnet Talk

I organised a cinema and dinner trip with 3 friends, all of them agreed. As I organised it I said we are eating here and watching this - all agreed.

I picked everyone up, and then one of my friends say actually we aren't eating there now and we're seeing a different film and then she wondered why I was annoyed. And made the remark - well if you're gonna be like that then we'll go eat there then.

I'm not a controlling person who dictates what me and my friends do, but I organised the night out and if she had a problem with it or wanted to do something different then she should have said it earlier instead of changing the plans on the day.

Weird. Them not you.

Yes that would annoy me. Once you've agreed to do something and you're actually on your way there you can't just unilaterally change the plan. What a strange attitude.

So what happened? Did you eat elsewhere and watch a different film. Did the others object?

It'd annoy me a bit - depends how she said it really. Also I don't think I'd show I was annoyed tbh because it's not that big a deal and I'm not 12

That would annoy me. Not so much the food venue but the film.
If I invited two friends to go and see xxx film with me, I would want to go and see xxx film....not a different film.

So you organised it & picked everyone up?

Did you tell her to get out of the car?
(I would have)

did she arrange that with the other two and then present it to you as a done deal? If so, hard to challenge, if not, what did the other two think?

hmm Im not sure. I do think it was a bit strange of you to make the decision by yourself in the first place, perhaps they shouldn't have rearranged but if nobody else wanted to eat where you wanted/watch what you wanted then it seems a bit daft to do that.

I agree that it was odd of you to say "we are eating here and watching this."

Shouldn't it have been a group decision?

If they didn't want to do what she'd invited them to do, why had they accepted the invitation to do it?

They could easily have said 'love to see you then, I'd rather see X', or 'can we meet and decide details on the night?'.

Did the other two know about the changes? Did they go along with what she said? Did they not even know, or did they think you knew about them too?

What film were you taking them to see? And what did she want to see?

Yes that would annoy me, particularly the change of film. I don't go to the cinema very often so if I do go and pay their extortionate prices it has to be a film I really want to see, not one somebody else has decided on.

I think wanting to eat somewhere else-maybe OK.

But a different film-why wouldn´t you say when OP was first arranging-"no thanks, I don´t want to see that"?

I agree. If I go to see a film, then I want to see that film. I wouldn't go to the cinema just to tag along with friends.
It's rude to change the film, as it impacts on the evening as a whole. Yes, you join them for the meal then not go to the cinema, but that's a bit meh...having to go home early on the night out you organised, or see a film you don't want to, when the whole point was to see the film you did want to see.
I think that would irk me. I know it would.

YANBU, that would annoy me, particularly if I had arranged it AND was picking everyone up.

no yanbu it is annoying, if she didnt like it she should have brought it up at the time of organising not last minute try to just change everything and then get in a mood!

That would annoy me too. I wouldn't be too fussed over where we eat, but the film we watched would really irk me. I am fussy over what I watch and would be really pee'd off if I was looking forward to watching one film only to be told we were watching another.

I wouldn't mind so much about where to eat, but the film would annoy me, if I'm going to the cinema I want to see that particular film and if people wanted to see something different I'd just expect them to say that when I suggested going out, not on the way to the cinema

MrsMushroom

I agree that it was odd of you to say "we are eating here and watching this."

Shouldn't it have been a group decision?

Why is that odd? We all work full-time so can only really go out in the evening. Surely it's better to say let's go see this film so you then can actually check to see whether it is even showing and you need to know the times etc.

I would just rather pick the restaurant too because I hate it when it turns into "where would you like to eat?" "I don't mind where would you like to eat?" and it meant I could make a reservation so we wouldn't be late going to see the film

If she had wanted to eat or see something then I wouldn't have minded but it's the fact that she changed it without saying anything and expected me to just go along with it.

I think it's fine to say 'do you want to come and see Movie Title and have something to eat at Restaurant Title on Wednesday?'
They can always say no. It's very rude to say yes then change all the plans.

I think your friend is being really inconsiderate and rude to change plans like that.It is very inconsiderate of her and very rude

yes, that would annoy me. i dont get out much, so if id been looking forward to seeing a particular movie, I wouldnt want to sit and see another one instead.
The meal maybe not so much. Unless I'd looked up the menu online and had decided what i was going to order already.

So you decided where and what for three other adults.

They decided they didnt want your choice.

So you were outvoted by 3/1.

Why is that unfair? I can see why you may be annoyed by it, but it was a majority decision.