Aibu to ask are you an alpha mummy? Is your dd a queen bee??

(190 Posts)
TheSecondComing Wed 30-Jan-13 16:45:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nokidshere Thu 31-Jan-13 12:14:33

I am not sure I know what an alpha mummy is so I am probably not one lol

I talk to everyone, everyone talks to me, and everyone knows who I am simply because of the nature of my business and my personality. People at school are just people I know - one or two have become friends but most are just someones mummy that I talk to once a day! I am non-judgemental and have no time spare to join PTA's or committees and am eternally grateful that there are many who do so that I don't have to feel guilty about it.

My children (young teens now) are popular in that they have a good circle of friends and, generally, they are pretty placid and kind although I am never sure if I would like to see what they are like when I cant see them smile

I honestly dont get all this stuff at the school gates. I don't notice any of it at our school particularly or maybe its just that I don't notice it.

Pagwatch Thu 31-Jan-13 12:28:38

Yes. I am pretty lucky. They are all really nice.
I would hate to be endlessly looking down on my DDs friends parents.
How do people cope if their DD is best friends with 'alphamum' DD?

Maryz Thu 31-Jan-13 12:39:23

I was at a parent teacher meeting last week, where I wandered in and started talking to a few people I know from primary school. I have also met a fair few parents on the sidelines of various sports, and will chat to them if I see them at school. So there were quite a crowd of us all talking to each other and a few people around the edges.

There was one woman looking a bit nervous and clutching a cup of tea, not talking to anyone, so I turned to her and said something casual - I just said "oh, look at them all hanging around watching to see what we are all talking about" as all the boys were hanging around watching us through a sort of archway between where we were and where their lockers are.

She just looked at me and said "my son isn't hanging around, he has gone home to study", put down her cup of tea and walked off blush.

I'm sure she now hates me. But I did try to be friendly.

I will talk to anyone - though I have a really terrible memory, so I'm sure I offend lots of people by not remembering their names or whose parent they are.

frumpet Thu 31-Jan-13 12:55:11

LGBT ?

cloudpuff Thu 31-Jan-13 13:53:56

Can I ask what is the LGBT campaign?

Lets Get Britain Together? or something.

MmeLindor Thu 31-Jan-13 14:00:07

Lesbian Gay Bi Transexual

I think. That's what it normally stands for.

Could be Let's Get Britain Tidy though.

Or Lazy Gits Be Tardy

Love Green Bottle Tops

Bunbaker Thu 31-Jan-13 16:04:11

"Bunbaker. A child telling lies about you and your OH? Really? Who to?what lies? How and why are you a) interested and b) bothered. I don't disbelieve you, I just don't get it?"

Why don't you "get" it? The school told me. The bully was reported by another teacher to the learning mentor and she found out that the bully had made up all sorts of fiction about us a family.

a) Because the things she said have implications on me as a governor of the school
b) Because she has sabotaged most of the friendships that DD has made and has made her feel isolated and excluded

It is cynical people like you that allow bullies to flourish and get away with their despicable behaviour.

rainrainandmorerain Thu 31-Jan-13 17:57:14

I got half way through this thread and was feeling quite anxious - all the judgement, second guessing, the 'I'm this sort of person/x is THAT sort of person' etc.

Then I sort of 'peaked' and thought - WOMEN! STOP MAKING EVERYTHING SO BLOODY COMPLICATED! and found the rest of it quite funny (not the posters who are unhappy, obvs).

I have honestly not yet met an alpha mum. It really must be a money thing. I have met mums who are quite good looking and groomed.... but that's not it, is it? I must be 'median mum' in that there are mums who are better looking/more haggard, poorer/richer, better qualified/less educated, more socially skilled/more awkward, more organised/less organised etc all around me. I am probably one of the oldest mums around (i.e an older mum with younger kids), but that doesn't bother me or anyone else. It's all a mix, isn't it? I feel very comfy with that.

I do wonder how much of this comes from women who had miserable times at school, and use that as a template for adult friendships and social patterns. Which is understandable, but perhaps a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy. Then again, maybe it really does depend on where you are and how wealthy people are. Or is it women directing energy 'inwards' at each other rather than 'outwards' at the world...

TheSecondComing Thu 31-Jan-13 18:37:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bunbaker Thu 31-Jan-13 19:16:24

The child is damaging my reputation as a governor and by implication that of the school. I won't go into specifics, but she said that I did something I didn't and broadcast it to a lot of children (who would then go home and tell their parents). The board of governors have taken it seriously BTW so I know I wasn't concerned about nothing.

I am also affected because my daughter comes home in tears from school because no-one will talk to her.

Are you so thick skinned that when your child is feeling hurt and lonely it doesn't affect you? Or are being deliberately obtuse?

Bunbaker Thu 31-Jan-13 19:17:22

And, no I'm not scared of the little madam, but DD is.

HortensiaPollard Thu 31-Jan-13 19:20:03

At the moment I'm feeling more like an epsilon-minus-semi-moron mother. sad

MerylStrop Thu 31-Jan-13 19:26:46

I just don't recognise this stuff about "alpha mums" and cliques
There's certainly not Queen of the School run. At the DCs school it seems that everyone just knocks along fairly pleasantly with each other.
Then again I didn't recognise the playgroup bitchiness so often described on here, either.

A lot of it is in people's heads.

I do remember Queen Bee types at school. But nothing from the screenplay of Heathers.

Bunbaker Thu 31-Jan-13 19:31:51

We never had any "Alpha mums" at DD's primary school. Perhaps it is a home counties thing?

TheSecondComing Thu 31-Jan-13 20:51:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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