To want her back.

(106 Posts)
Ross86 Wed 30-Jan-13 14:51:09

Ok..... I've never done this before! I am a guy..... And will receive much criticism and I deserve to do so! It's a long story but ill shorten it. Basically I am a 26 year old police officer who was in an amazing relationship with a midwife we had great jobs and a great relationship, I went off to training college and cheated! I know it was a scummy thing to do but please hear me out. I waited so long to get into the police and she stood by me all the way when I finally got in I changed for the worse I got so excited I lost sight of all my friends and my girlfriend. I now have no friends left and no girlfriend I'm not here for sympathy! Since loosing everyone I have changed and done a lot of growing up. I have not asked her back as I think she is seeing someone else! I've wanted to ask her back everyday but have waited until such a time I felt I was good enough to be with her! She always spoke highly of mums net and that's why I have come here to see if you guys think people can change! I would give up everything including the job I worked 5 years to get in to to have her back. I don't feel I deserve her but I know how happy we were and how well we worked.

lindalooloo Thu 31-Jan-13 07:32:01

i think people are maybe being a little hard on op. But i will say coming on mumsnet to ask what people think is maybe not your wisest move, this being because this is your exs place to seek advice or get opinions .
There is no harm in speaking to your ex but just be aware that she may shoot you down and if it was me i would be very wary that you may change into a numpty again .

Tailtwister Thu 31-Jan-13 07:45:03

I think you really need to move on, as painful as that is. Holding onto what might have been is only going to hurt you both in the long run. The moment you cheat you damage your relationship forever imo. Even if you did get back together it would always be there in the background.

The best advice I can give you is to accept what happened and get on with your life. As wonderful as she is, this woman isn't the only person in the world and you will meet someone else. Hanging onto this old relationship will stop you from creating a meaningful one with someone else. Put it down to experience and don't cheat again!

SoleSource Thu 31-Jan-13 08:35:37

You blew it. I did not take back the guy that cheated on me. I think you want her back so you can be in control because she dumped you. And you are lonely...

I hope she does not give you another chance

MusicalEndorphins Thu 31-Jan-13 09:04:54

OP, you can't always get what you want.
Doesn't matter if you are sorry, doesn't matter if you love her. it isn't about what you want. Sounds like you really haven't changed that much.
Maybe you have learned it is bad to cheat on someone, maybe you haven't. But you broke the trust when you cheated and obviously she has standards and self respect. All you can do is write her a letter or something, but if she has told you you are finished, leave her alone. You are a police officer so you should know the laws about harassing and bothering women.
Posting here, where you know she reads is rather obvious and stalkerish.
There are lot's of other people out there, so move on.

minkembra Thu 31-Jan-13 09:15:25

Ask her. don't offer to leave your job or any other nonsense. unless the Other woman is at your work in which case you have a problem.

if she says yes then treat her right and expect not to be trusted for a while. Work hard on your relationship and make sure you appreciate her.

Ppl can change. sometimes it is actually better to be with someone who has cheated and who knows how awful and destructive it is than to be with someone who hasn't and thinks it might be fun or exciting. but only if you really have learned your lesson.

If she says no then just accept it.

We can all have an opinion but only she can give you an answer.

Cherriesarelovely Thu 31-Jan-13 09:36:52

I know a couple who both cheated on each other several times, split up and then 2 years later got back together and have now been married 10 years and have 2 lovely kids. They are really happy.

I, on the other hand, would never have gone back with my cheating ex. After 9 years apart I do like her as a friend and even have some understanding of why she did it but (aside from the fact that I have an amazing DP) I would never trust her in a relationship again.

If I were you and I wasn't certain she had moved on I probably would ask her but don't do any more than that. It's not fair. As one person wrote, you can't always have what you want but hopefully you have learned a lesson and wil treat your next partner with more care and respect.

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