I know 'every child has a right to know their father' and the general consensus is that every child is better off having contact than not but I really am at the end of my tether with daughters father and wish he had no contact with her; I think she would be immeasurably better off if that were the case. We seperated when she was just under 2 (now almost 5.5) and the main reason was his drinking and his lack of interest in our daughter, he was agressive to me and she cried whenever he entered the room. At first she was hysterical about contact, now she is despondent. We have numerous problems at first - i.e. him putting her in nappies when she was potty trained here, allowing her to sleep in his bed when he'd been drinking/she slept in her own bed here (leading to her being up 20+ times per night here), letting her eat/drink whatever she likes causing an upset tummy, letting her stay up as late as she likes leading to her being tired for nursery (and now school.)
Now it's almost 3.5 years since he's been having contact (alternate weekends though sometimes he misses his weekend) and things aren't any better. DD isn't hysterical about going - but I don't know if the way she is is actually worse. Two days before contact she becomes withdrawn and lethargic, she gets teary over nothing and just 'can't be bothered' with life. She stops eating and is miserable. When he comes to collect her, they don't greet each other; he passes her his Ipad and she watches a film on the journey to his (45 mins) Over the weekend he sometimes works (by choice, for extra money) leaving DD with his girlfriend who is 16 years his junior and tells DD she is her Mummy too. Other than that, he does literally nothing with her. She sits around watching TV/playing games on the Ipad all weekend. She tells him what she wants to eat and he gets it (McDonalds, KFC, sweets, crisps etc) which then leads to her having a poorly tummy for a good few days after contact. When she returns from contact she is extremely tired and lethargic from sitting around/staying up late all weekend. She is miserable, teary and rude - as if she blames me for sending her for contact. She repeatedly says that she wishes she could just stay here.
The latest problem has been that she's been saying that she's poorly on the Thursday (he collects her on the Friday) - last time she was genuinely ill and so I warned him, to which he replied and said he'd leave her here for the weekend and have her when she's well instead. She realised that he won't have her if she's ill so last time on the Thursday she managed to get sent home from school for being ill (which she wasn't.) I told him she'd been sent home from school but there was nothing wrong with her, but he said he wouldn't collect her if she was ill. He also used the snow as an excuse not to collect her and went 5 weeks with no contact, during which time she was so unbelievably happy that it has made me wish that she had no contact with him. He has no positive impact on her life at all, she looks/acts thoroughly depressed around him/after she's seen him and I hate this 2 week cycle of misery for her. It affects her 2 days before/after contact and it's wasting her life. AIBU?
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AIBU?
To wish my daughter didn't have any contact with her father
37 replies
alisunshine29 · 30/01/2013 12:38
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