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To ask how "entitled" you were as a teenager.

(108 Posts)
JakeBullet Wed 30-Jan-13 06:19:11

With all the discussions about welfare changes and the term "entitled" being bandied about I thought back to a time when I truly was "entitled". My teenage years were a charmed life of lie ins, little responsibility and pocket money (okay only £1 but we are going back some years). I didn't know I was born.....

So fast forward to age16 and the school arranged for us to have two weeks of "work experience" with local employers. I can remember being utterly shocked that I would "have to be there at 8:00am which means I am going to have to be up by 6:30am". I actually remember saying to my Mum "they can't expect me to be there that early". I forget her response but it was along the lines of "welcome to the real world love" grin.

Three years later I was happily working all hours as a student nurse but have never forgotten how precious I was at 16.

Viviennemary Wed 30-Jan-13 10:06:05

I knew I was quite lucky as material things go when I was a teenager as I was an only one. And I knew people from bigger families who didn't get as much as I did. Maybe I was a bit entitled but I did know I was fortunate compared to a lot of people.

Chandras Wed 30-Jan-13 10:06:47

I don't know if I had a sense of entitlement, I had lot of big ideas and dreams on what I wanted to do in my life and a mother who kept saying I was born in the wrong family and I was never going to do that.

To say we were poor would be a big lie, we weren't BUT we didn't have pocket money, wore horrible clothes that my mother had selected because she thought they were acceptable (never had a sense for fashion I am afraid), and we couldn't be still for a moment without my mother handing us a new shore to do. As soon as we started working they stopped paying tuition fees and expected us to contribute to the expenses of the house. I was never so poor as a teenager/student as when I was working.

Having said that... I think I had a big sense of entitlement, I felt I was entitled to nice stuff, and a better life, and I was. By the age of 28 I had achieved every single dream I had while I was young through my own work. I have had a very interesting life so the only thing I miss now is to have a little bit more of that sense of entitlement to push me to do more things.

AudrinaAdare Wed 30-Jan-13 10:08:39

As you can tell, my utter brattishness continued well beyond the teenage years. I didn't grow up until I had DD and was plunged into one-parent full-time job health / debt problem hell, so I did do some penance for it grin

curryeater Wed 30-Jan-13 10:08:41

Wow, JustGettingOnWithIt, well done.

I was mixed. I was very privileged about some things - years of music lessons, never hungry, expected to do only reasonable amounts of housework, allowed to lie in indefinitely at weekends, given "clothing allowance" as a teenager to cover busfares and small amount of clothes shopping etc (not expected to go out and get a job). On the other hand my parents had a very old fashioned sense of what children needed and I had freakishly outlandish clothes as a child, very few of them, and was often bullied. This and other things led to serious MH issues and self harm which was studiously and completely swept under the carpet. I was never given a cuddle or a chat or a day off school and when I was desperately trying to make friends I was never given a lift anywhere, or allowed to get the bus anywhere, so was fiendishly lonely. In short, yes I was a whiny entitled little git, but I was also sick in the head and no one cared.

lizzypuffs Wed 30-Jan-13 10:09:48

Not at all. I was 'mummy's little helper' from age 2. Cooked, lit fires etc. Parents both worked and I always worked from age 12. Washing all of dads football team kits in an old twin tub for pocket money was my first job.

I remember being totally shocked by other peoples lifestyles when I went to 6th form.

GetOrf Wed 30-Jan-13 10:13:25

Not entitled at all, worked from 12 in the summer and in a pub in the evenings, had to live with a horrible family member, left home when I was 16 (firstly into accomodation tied to employment, and when I was 17 got a flat) and never went back, and have worked FT ever since.

I wouldn't want that for my dd. I certainly didn't want her to have a job before 16 (she has a pt job now) and I don't expect her to do all the housework etc. She contributes but I really enjoy pampering her and making sure she has a comfortable and contented life. She is probably a lot more entitled than I was - good.

GetOrf Wed 30-Jan-13 10:16:13

Oh bloody HELL at twin tubs and washing day.

My gran didn't get an automatic washing machine until 1992.

melika Wed 30-Jan-13 10:58:45

This thread has depressed me somewhat!

No Brownies,no dance class,no any class!, no encouragment, no music lessons, no taxi driver, no new anything (hardly), no nice warm home,no to my tv programmes, no money unless earned, no washing done for me, no Dad, no pony, no new bike, no room maid, no wonder I was fed up!

I must be thankful I had a lovely, jolly mom who I miss very much.

FirstTimeForEverything Wed 30-Jan-13 11:08:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

vladthedisorganised Wed 30-Jan-13 11:12:07

It's interesting: depends on your definition of 'entitled' I guess.
I went out to work on Saturdays as soon as I could and paid a percentage of my income back for my keep. We drew up a contract of what I would need to pay for out of the remainder (e.g. leisure clothes) and what would be funded by my parents (e.g. school uniform). It seemed pretty fair to me.
My parents were very keen for me to go to university, it was expected that I would have a small allowance to cover my accomodation but would pay for everything after that.

I thought this was pretty fair and straightforward until I went to university. One girl's family were disgusted that she wasn't 'out earning', so she not only had to pay for her accommodation, food and bills, but had to send a certain amount of money home to make up for the 'shortfall'. Her parents were materially better off than mine but it seemed pretty skewed to me. Her DBro bought a new car for himself with the money she sent home hmm. I guess it made me realise how lucky I was that I didn't have that kind of pressure put on me.

That said, it also amazed me how many people I met who never paid rent to their parents and had never paid a bill in their life.

I was an annoying little toerag though; how my parents put up with my insistence on doing everything by candlelight and refusing to buy anything new because I wasn't going to be 'part of the capitalist machine' (despite working in a supermarket) I shall never know.

Fakebook Wed 30-Jan-13 11:14:26

Quite a lot. Then my mum died and that brought me back to earth with a bump.

TroublesomeEx Wed 30-Jan-13 11:21:38

I wasn't entitled at all.

My parents got many things wrong but they instil in me a gratitude and thankfulness for what I had and I pretty much just understood that it wasn't worth asking for certain things because they couldn't afford them and the last thing I'd have wanted is for them to have felt bad about that.

I did do ballet, brownies, swimming lessons and music lessons for 4 instruments at various times, but I did appreciate every opportunity I had.

MadamGazelleIsMyMum Wed 30-Jan-13 11:28:23

Quite a lot, I think. My parents were comfortable and we had loads of opportunities which now I am extremely grateful for, but at the time, I think I really took all the activities and holidays etc for granted.

On the other hand, my siblings and I have all inherited the work ethic which went some way towards providing those opportunities - we all had part time jobs from as young as possible, worked through university for spending money. Parents paid for accommodation and tutition, we all paid for our own beer money.

I did subsequently have a massive "entitled" moment, when I moved home after my masters and got a very badly paying job which I needed for experience. It didnt occur to me to offer to pay rent/contribute to bills. My Dad mentioned it once, and my Mum disagreed with him as to the necessity of this. It somehow ended with me sending my Dad a chunk of cash, which he sent back and which may have gone back and forth a couple more times. Not even thinking to contribute was massively entitled, and now I am ashamed of myself.

Now, when my Dad comes to my house, he enjoys using my electrictiy and hot water a lot, and finds it hilarious how I am now the one going around turning lights off!

creighton Wed 30-Jan-13 12:11:52

'entitlement' didn't exist in the 70s and 80s. you were a child who was seen and not heard then you were supposed to leave school and become a tax and rent paying adult overnight. there was no such thing as raising your children's self esteem or having any rights.

Beamur Wed 30-Jan-13 12:26:31

I suspect a bit, but tempered by the fact that I clashed with my Dad and refused to accept pocket money from him (he would be a real pain about it) so I did babysitting from a young age and as soon as I was 15 I got a part time job in a shop. So I had to get up early, look presentable, work hard etc.
But I did expect my parents to fund me through Uni and when at 6th form they did provide me with a car, I paid the fuel out of my job, which included getting to school every day - I lived quite a way away from my school.
I helped out in the house too and did cleaning, ironing, got dinner ready sometimes.
I also worked during the Uni holidays and got a full time temping job within weeks of graduating and moved out of the family home soon after.
Growing up I knew money was tight so didn't ask for much - although I now know it probably wasn't as tight as my Dad made out, he just didn't want to spend it on anyone other than himself.

TheSecondComing Wed 30-Jan-13 12:27:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blimey - no not all.
I had a Saturday paying job from 13.
I had a job working 2 evening after school from 15.
Straight into a job at 16 and doing part time work out of normal hours.
Loved every minute of it though.
I am entitled now though. Mum and dad are fab and help their DD's out with all sorts of things. Bless 'em!

That's 2 evenings a week from age 14!

KenLeeeeeee Wed 30-Jan-13 12:41:14

Not at all. I was very aware - maybe too aware - that we were broke. My mum had a terrible accident at work when I was 14 which left her bed-bound for 2 months and we weren't sure if she would walk again. That snapped me out of any delusions of entitlement. I got my first job at 15 and did my best to buy any bits & bobs I wanted from then on to avoid asking my mum.

Thingiebob Wed 30-Jan-13 12:43:58

Threesypeasy Aren't you embarrassed by your attitude, and the fact you are raising your children to be the same?

Crinkle77 Wed 30-Jan-13 12:45:36

My parents would not have allowed me to be entitled. Like therugratref I too grew up on a farm but it was an arable one. If there was something that needed doing on the farm we were expected to help and I would not have dared say no. My mother would have killed me.

JakeBullet Wed 30-Jan-13 14:03:17

I have to say having started this thread that I was a bit of a dreamer as a teenager but some things were just a given .....like we would have jobs after we left school etc . I just think my expectations were a bit unreal.....hence I couldn't believe I had to get up early to go to work placement etc.

Sometimes I look back and think "God I didnt know I was born".

How many can just leave school now and get a job though as I can remember some of my classmates doing?

I went to college and then into nursing so perhaps not as "entitled" as I think I was. grin grin

BellaVita Wed 30-Jan-13 14:10:36

Same as MrsRobertDuvall.... Leeds girl in the 70's, Saturday job, babysitting job. Had to save for stuff I wanted and had to help around the house.

I wouldn't want my son having the responsibility of looking after 4 siblings and a parent while the other parent was very ill and away from the home like I did but I wouldn't want him growing up expecting everything done for him

firesidechat Wed 30-Jan-13 14:20:51

'entitlement' didn't exist in the 70s and 80s. you were a child who was seen and not heard then you were supposed to leave school and become a tax and rent paying adult overnight. there was no such thing as raising your children's self esteem or having any rights.

creighton is spot on.

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