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To ask how "entitled" you were as a teenager.

(108 Posts)
JakeBullet Wed 30-Jan-13 06:19:11

With all the discussions about welfare changes and the term "entitled" being bandied about I thought back to a time when I truly was "entitled". My teenage years were a charmed life of lie ins, little responsibility and pocket money (okay only £1 but we are going back some years). I didn't know I was born.....

So fast forward to age16 and the school arranged for us to have two weeks of "work experience" with local employers. I can remember being utterly shocked that I would "have to be there at 8:00am which means I am going to have to be up by 6:30am". I actually remember saying to my Mum "they can't expect me to be there that early". I forget her response but it was along the lines of "welcome to the real world love" grin.

Three years later I was happily working all hours as a student nurse but have never forgotten how precious I was at 16.

I wasn't entitled at all. At home I did most of the cooking, washing up, and a fair amount of cleaning and ironing. I cycled everywhere as my mum 'wasn't a taxi service' and had both an early morning paper round and Saturday job from 13. I also baby sat. During the easter and summer holiday I worked on a fruit picking farm, and at xmas I did turkey plucking. I also left home at 16 to live in lodgings (which I paid for myself), and put myself through 6th form and university. Whilst at uni I worked every holiday in an accounts office to pay for my halls of residence fees and books.

I never once felt hard done by, and the attitude of teenagers and students today pisses me off.

Labootin Wed 30-Jan-13 08:14:52

I worked on the number 7 counter on Saturdays at Boots from aged 15, and had a paperound from 13.
In school holidays I worked full time through to finishing A levels. My gap year was as a chalet girl then I left home for Uni (not to return)

I'd been cooking my own food since 14 (major teenage angst turned me temporarily Vegan) and did my own shopping and laundry.

I'd like my dc's to work as I did I do think it builds a good work ethic (says me a SAHM..trailing spouse... Oh the irony!) but Irrc child labour laws are different now particularly wrt early morning starts.

I had a bit of a phase of "but what about me!!" when I was 15. My Mum was ill with cancer and my little sister had a debilitating accident...For a long time I was just expected to be strong and stoic (which probably isn't true, but that's what I felt I had to be) and I did ok, until I was 15, when I ran away.....I feel so fucking terrible about it now, I really do. I was only gone a few days and my parents did know I was alive and ok, but I'll never forgive myself for it. Apart from that though, I don't think I was entitled. I had to work for my pocket money, and because of Mum's illness I knew about the harshness of life.

Sorry for double post but just wanted to add, I did chores and cooking from a young age. I loved cooking (still do) and it meant that if I cooked dinner I didn't have to do the washing up grin

teacher123 Wed 30-Jan-13 08:21:09

My parents didn't make me do any housework or cooking or anything before I left school and I had an allowance etc. Looking back I cannot believe how little I got away with doing! However I worked extremely hard at school and did hours and hours of music as a hobby so was out the house every evening and at weekends for rehearsals, practising for exams etc. That has paid off as I am now a music teacher and also still perform regularly. I got a Saturday job from when I was 16 and also did paid performing work from then on. I always had holiday jobs when I was a student, and worked part time whilst at university, and funded my postgraduate study through working. So I was entitled in respect of contributing to the house, I had a real shock when I had a flat share at uni, I was SO MESSY! I'm amazed they put up with me!

cory Wed 30-Jan-13 08:21:41

I don't know if having a Saturday job makes you less entitled tbh.

All my friends had them and got very used to throwing money about, which made life difficult later when they went to university and had to pay for everything out of a small loan. They had just never got used to the idea of doing without.

I wasn't allowed to have one as my health wasn't good, so I never got used to spending. Does that make me more entitled?

Otoh I did have a very happy and sheltered childhood, in the sense that I was cared for, loved and surrounded by people who enjoyed life and enjoyed my company. Perhaps that does make me entitled. Yes, I think it does- entitled to be treated by respect, entitled to a pleasant atmosphere in the home, entitled to have my needs taken into consideration.

Dd does fewer chores and less cooking than me- but then dd spends a lot of time in severe chronic pain, which I didn't. So not sure that makes her more entitled. She probably thinks I'm the entitled one: because I expect as a matter of fact to be able to get up in the morning, and walk, and do a day's work. Now, when you come to think of it, that is being entitled.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 30-Jan-13 08:24:28

Not at all entitled. Was expected to do a lot about the place from about age 11 (much more so than my DB... not bitter... not bitter...), got charged rent as soon as I got my first weekend job and was expected to fund myself through uni even though there was meant to be a parental contribution. Left at 17 and never went back. Been fiercely independent ever since. Character building I call it.... smile

I thought entitled meant you expect the best whilst delivering nothing?

I'm glad i was a teen in the era when i was. Far less pressure to look perfect. No WAGS. No desire to have latest phone because mates have it etc. I was no brat.

But i didn't have a clue about life really at 16. I had long lie ins, nice holidays, my parents had no money worries and i had no major concerns. However i did have parents who had the word 'No' in their vocabulary and certainly weren't a Taxi service.
I didn't start work until i was a student when i got two part time jobs in the holidays. That was a wake up call. Kept one of the jobs going throughout college. Learnt a lot of life lessons in my late teens but at 16 i was an innocent.

OpheliasWeepingWillow Wed 30-Jan-13 08:26:25

I can't even begin to explain how entitled I was. Not even. This will out me - when I first married my husband found me crying doing the washing up. Washing up had not really been a part of my life blush

And I still can't drive. More blush

Or iron blush

threesypeesy Wed 30-Jan-13 08:28:53

very, i think, i know i still am!!

parents have always been welk of we never had to do anything to earn what we wanted just ask. we were pampered used to come in at 16 to pjs being heated on radieator, bath ran was great.

Now i expect dh to cater to my every whim and he does. i know its not a great traite but its how i am our 3Dds are very entitled too!!

nagynolonger Wed 30-Jan-13 08:44:41

I must admit I have been a taxi for my teens. They couldn't take cricket kit on a bike and we do live in a rural area with crap public transport. It was either that or pay for driving lessons and a car. IMO mine are less entitled because they worked and paid for their own lessons.

Jamillalliamilli Wed 30-Jan-13 09:41:13

The opposite, a firm sense of being officially ‘Un-entitled’ to anything and knowing your place.

Very much brought up with children's norm is whatever's left over or unwanted by others, you just weren't entitled to anything and were beholden for everything.
I was a carer from 10 until my mother died so there was very much a sense of others entitlement to your labor, rather than you being entitled to anything, then into care which made you officially even more un-entitled than others.

Children just didn't have rights or entitlement, they were very much property and pretty disposable and didn't feel entitled to anything better than whatever was being granted or not where I was.

I became an underage mum, which further entitled anyone and everyone to do as they wished, and they pretty much did. That started to be applied to my children too.
No sense of entitlement at all, until the point I realized my children had no more entitlement than me, simply because they were mine, and then I felt very entitled to take them and run. It was a strong sense of 'maternal entitlement' to whatever it took to make them better lives. Glad I found it.

AudrinaAdare Wed 30-Jan-13 09:41:52

Very entitled blush

We weren't rich, but my parents both worked, sent me to grammar school and let me get away with never lifting a finger.

I remember them telling me about the daughter of a friend getting soaked before going to work when she popped back in the shower clothed to give it a wipe. I hadn't realised that bathrooms needed cleaning. Friends DD and I were both sixteen.

Clean and ironed clothes appeared magically in drawers and on hangers and I would be shock if the pair of tights I wanted to wear that day were in the wash. My Dad cleaned my room and I was forever whinging that he would put all the makeup I used every day in a box on a shelf.

I would use the hoover occasionally so when I bought a house I knew that carpets needed doing but it was about six months before I noticed that the kitchen and bathroom floors looked a bit wrong and that I should perhaps sweep them and buy a mop.

Had Saturday / holiday jobs from 15 all through University and worked hard at school and at music exams from the age of five but had no idea of the work that goes into maintaining a house and living independently, also no clue about money but it was the early nineties and my parents told me that everyone lives on credit so I followed their example and racked up £30K of debt by the time I was twenty five.

<cringe>

StinkyWicket Wed 30-Jan-13 09:51:30

I had an easy life as a teen - my parents were fairly well off. I got my first job at 16 (this was the 90s) and worked in a local chemist. My mum would drop me off as I had a ballet lesson in the morning - I was heading for pro (ish) for a bit so it was more than a hobby. Yes, I acknowledge I was very, very luck to have parents that paid for my 6 lessons a week!

I always had a weekly job after that, I don't remember ever whinging about money, for me it was more being allowed to do things or not. I quite often walked or got a bus although my mum was very generous with the lifts!

My dad worked very hard (mum a SAHM - so arguably worked harder wink) to let us have a nice standard of living, I think we were possibly a little more spoiled as we had a very hard couple of years in the early 90s during the recession. My dad was out of work for a couple of years. I didn't even know this till I was grown up tbh.

My mum never ever asked us to do anything until we were about 13 and then of course we didn't want to help. I blame her for my slatternliness grin

melika Wed 30-Jan-13 09:54:44

Not entitled at all, sat job at 13, Dad died when I was 15 so not a lot of money and worse off than before. I got a better sat job at 16, FT job at 18, got a mortgage at 22.

Life has got a lot better now am comfortable and I only work one day a week.

Tailtwister Wed 30-Jan-13 09:55:45

I would say we were pretty lucky. We had what we needed, but not everything we wanted iyswim. Our parents were very strict and we had virtually no freedom, but as for comfort and a good education we were very fortunate.

When I went to uni our fees were paid and I had a very small grant. I had a few bar jobs, but nothing to taxing. Entitled? Not really. Fortunate? Yes.

Ponderingonaquandry Wed 30-Jan-13 09:57:47

Not at all.

We were expected to do housework and small chores from when we could walk and then at 14 my mum stopped doing our washing and ironing (and when you're a military cadet and your school skirt was pleated that's a big bummer!)

I also was used to getting up at the crack of a sparrows fart for sports clubs.

Got my first job at 16 and haven't stopped working since.

As for pocket money I didn't get any but usually got things if I asked for them.

In the financial sense, not so much, did lots of babysitting in early teens, part time jobs from 16 and through college and Uni then full time work straightaway afterwards. Brought up to budget, save and not use credit apart from mortgages. I was taught how to do basic housework, ironing etc but don't think I had any real idea about how much of it is actually needed, mum worked but didn't start till 9.30 so she used to do all the housework once we'd gone to school and we never saw it happen, just a token bit that she made us do on a Sunday led me to believe you only had to hoover once a week etc. I had no idea about all the more detailed stuff.

Which reminds me I should be doing some housework....

confusteling Wed 30-Jan-13 10:01:10

Not at all.

I've never worked long term due to family circumstances, but I've been a carer to my mum and sister since age 3 and have never been entitled or anything.

Have never done anything exceptional in terms of household chores but I remember not having money - we lived on £100 a week, to cover all bills and expenses including gas, electric, phone, food, etc. My mum could only buy basic food and clothing from charity shops, my school textbooks were wrapped in safeway leaflets.. There was one year that our christmas presents came from the social work - they turned up in a car full of presents etc. We also got food parcels at Christmas from the SVDP.

Never had a car or access to a decent bus service so for a long time it was a case of - if you want to do it, it'll have to be within the village. Never had the sense of "Mum's taxi".

I still feel terrible if I spend money and worry about it, because so used to not having it. It's not a good thing really!

impty Wed 30-Jan-13 10:01:25

Worked at the weekend from aged 14. Parents split up at 15. I had much more responsibility than my dd's.
But i had friends who were very entitled when i was teenager. I knew some really spoilt madames grin grin
I hope my dd's have an easier time than me, but try and not let them become spoilt...

melika Wed 30-Jan-13 10:02:09

Forgot to say, I had to wear my two sisters hand me down uniforms on first day of secondary school, a holey cardigan, round collared,yellowed, nylon blouse, ancient skirt and only thing new was a pair of white socks, which I had to wash every night and dry. I saved up out of my pocket money to buy a blazer cos my mom didn't think it was important! No wonder I got bullied!
Let's just say we didn't have a pot to piss in!

Life as a teen was a lot better then life now. I managed to have money for vodka/MD 20/20, cigs and Chinese chips and curry sauce every weekend and the odd week day.

I have no idea where the money came from tbh I just always had it.

Never had lie ins though. I was the oldest of 5 by age 11 so I was always helping out. Aged 15 was hardest year and so far from entitled

AudrinaAdare Wed 30-Jan-13 10:04:56

I've remembered another one. Early nineties, someone saying that I was lucky to have had a good education leading straight to a fairly well-paid job. Entitled Me replied in all seriousness that University wasn't free, you know. Unlike school, I had to buy all my own books and give another student petrol money to get there. I also lived comfortably at home during those years hmm

<squirm>

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