To ask- why are some mothers like this?

(100 Posts)
SomewhereInYorkshire Tue 29-Jan-13 23:07:40

Just home from long weekend with old university friends and partners+ kids. Girls I've always got on great with, but rarely see nowadays due to work/location. We have kids ranging from 5months to 4 years.

It was all 'Charlie's sleeping though already' / Jessie can already do 1-10 and her ABCs / Lily's so mellow, I think it's because DP and I are so relaxed / Maya's so alert / Charlie hates biscuits, we just can't get him to eat one, he just says "apple mummy"

So much back-patting and boasting, I felt like the only one saying DS walked really late / currently only eats potato / rarely sleeps through at 17mths / is a highly strung little bugger... because you know what? I refuse to be drawn in to the boasting and perpetuate this shite maybe because I don't feel the need as I know deep down DS is the handsomest, cleverest of all

My own mother was highly competitive with me and I often felt like I only existed to make her look good and her love was conditional on that. I refuse to do the same to DS. He can be an annoying little shit but he is my little shit and I adore him.

So what has happened to my friends??? Why do they do it??

Ps little sleeping-through Charlie kept the whole house up most nights!

blackeyedsusan Tue 29-Jan-13 23:11:30

console yourself, the really bright children that need stimulation and do lots of learning tend not to need as much sleep.

or comment that sleep deprivaton makes people delusional!

i hate friends like that.

SomewhereInYorkshire Tue 29-Jan-13 23:11:56

Pps sleeping-through Charlie and apple Charlie are different babies - baby name change fail!!

Oh and best quote - the 9month old in the group was screaming when her mum nipped to the loo.

Mother of 5 month old: oh I'm so glad we didn't get a clingy one

Ahahahahahahaha

Just you wait

Wouldn't it be lovely if they'd all arrived, hollow of cheek and dead of eye, and slumped into chairs and said "OMG why did nobody TELL us?" and sympathised with each other over the sheer unending drudgery and lack of sleep that small children bring? Cos I just bet you anything you like, that's what they all wanted to do, and if just one of you had cracked so to speak, the others would have followed. Then you'd have cried on each others shoulders, recommended pile/cracked nipple rememdies, opend gin for the non bfers and boiled the kettle for the bfers and generally had a whale of a wallow time...
Maybe next time wink

steppemum Tue 29-Jan-13 23:16:14

it is actually underlyign insecurity.

If their child isn't doing well, then ergo they are not good parents.

It takes a certain confidence, or else 3 kids and you are past boasting to not care what others think of your parenting.

boast first before someone criticizes you

Fakebook Tue 29-Jan-13 23:18:26

Or maybe, just maybe, their children really are that well behaved?

Dd was a dream baby. She slept through at 9 months, started walking at 10 months, was talking by 1.5 years and never ever gave me any problems in regards to food/milk. She was a brilliant first child and she also loved and still loves apples over a biscuit.

I get pissed off when I read a lot of posts claiming people lie about their babies achieving things. Some people do have easier babies. Why get pissed off with it?

(And no, I'm not showing off. Just stating facts).

steppemum Tue 29-Jan-13 23:18:38

oh yes PomBear.

and in groups that are like that you feel better at the end instead of crap

SomewhereInYorkshire Tue 29-Jan-13 23:18:51

POM not a chance- i tried to initiate many of these moments but I got a little head tilty look and a "oh we are so lucky we don't have to deal with that with our DC"

steppemum Tue 29-Jan-13 23:19:39

fakebook

but it isn't whether their babies can or can't it is the showing off element.

LouMae Tue 29-Jan-13 23:19:40

I think it's more of a middle class trait. You don't really hear groups of working class mothers talking like that.

SomewhereInYorkshire Tue 29-Jan-13 23:20:51

fakebook sure but did you feel the need to tell everyone, all day?

MakeHayNotStraw Tue 29-Jan-13 23:21:54

Is that true about bright children being livelier and needing less sleep? Good lord, dd must be a genius <hollow laugh>

Fakebook Tue 29-Jan-13 23:22:09

Ah ok. No I didn't. <shame faced>

SomewhereInYorkshire Tue 29-Jan-13 23:22:44

MakeHay yes it's absolute fact

*I hope

manicbmc Tue 29-Jan-13 23:23:40

In chav circles, it is more like 'eee look our little Chavny has learned to open her own can of redbull' grin

fattybum Tue 29-Jan-13 23:26:20

Unfortunately i'm guilty of this, and yes it is insecurity. Particularly with dc1 I feel that everything he does/doesn't do is a reflection of my parenting. Would love to not give a crap. Much more relaxed about dc2.

hrrumph Tue 29-Jan-13 23:27:05

because it's all they have

KC225 Tue 29-Jan-13 23:30:30

I've just decided to cut off a playgroup acquaintance for that very reason. Three of us who used to hang out and after an age, met recently. Our kids are now at school, two of us at different state schools (which we are both happy with) and one at private school. We were talking about school teething problems, ie my daughter being obsessed with a dominant girl (school being very good about it) other mum saying school had mentioned her daughter's lack of social skills (think over excited puppy) and we were laughing about it. But the private school mum was all - what level books are they at? What languages are they learning? How good is their writing? They are 5. On the way home she told me that after talking to us, she was so glad she had decided to go private and our stories only reinforced any doubt she may have had.

We had sort of drifted apart but I decided to cut her off, a true friend does not use my children (and other friend's) to make herself feel better. Just because you are at the same stage does not make you of the same mindset.

MooMooSkit Tue 29-Jan-13 23:36:48

I don't know but I do understand what you mean. My little one was late walking (think about 18 months) and talking was really behind but suddenly cropped up over night, I seemed to be the only parent that would admit to things at the time. I remember one friend going on about how her child could walk and talk who was the same age as mine and when I saw her he could take a few steps (hanging on to something) so was exaggerated. It's like people are in a competition. Now he is doing slightly better I don't really say much as I'm proud of him and that is all that matters.

One of my best friends was always like this and its biting him on the bum now. His DD (3 and a half) will repeat all her 'accolades' back to him when he asks her to be good.

"But I AM good Daddy. I am too little to understand being naughty. You said so."

And then he agree's with her!!! Hearing too many good things about yourself can only lead to failure when they realise they actually aren't the best at everything sad

fattybum Tue 29-Jan-13 23:38:12

I have to say I don't usually do comparisons like what levels are they on etc, just maybe talk about dcs good bits more as a cover for all the doubts!

DaveMccave Tue 29-Jan-13 23:45:25

I think lou is right. I live in a very deprived town and have never really experienced this boasting in my 6 years of parenting. I read about it open mouthed on various parenting forums but not in real life. it's more competi over who's kid is the hardest work. Or maybe that's just me.

ApocalypseThen Tue 29-Jan-13 23:51:36

Apple Charlie is a scratcher. One that sleeps through the night screams like he's being stabbed if you try to feed him anything other than purple jelly...

There's a reason why there's a strict ration of one AMAZING story per child.

kickassmomma Tue 29-Jan-13 23:54:48

I have many friends like this! I have a dd who is behind and various medical problems. I, discusted to say, felt so bad that u use to stage photos of dd sitting and standing and rolling over just so people wouldn't say 'why isn't your dd not doing that? Are you jot encouraging her enough' I honestly used to think I wasn't a good mum because of mums that boasted. I now try and ignore all there my child can do this can yours? Photos on facebook etc .
People just like to know there kid is better when Infact everyone is equal! I think it is sometimes a mummy thing though! Pride takes over when you know someone who is not
Doing what you Dc is x

PiratePetesPotty Wed 30-Jan-13 07:42:53

I don't understand why people think their child walking/rolling/sleeping etc is a reflection of their parenting. DS1 was fairly late do things and I have never once thought it had anything to do with the way I parented. He is who he is.
I know you can influence childrens behaviour, choices, have an effect their on confidence etc but at what age they start crawling does not reflect the parenting unless the parent has actually prevented them from doing it.
My SIL is mildy competitive, I love her though, her DS1 did things quicker than mine and I know she's a little smug about it but I really don't care! If she wants to be smug she can be!
I presume it makes her feel better about her parenting and that's fine as long as she keeps it to herself.

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