To think it was awful to leave this girl out of whole class party just because shes new?

(92 Posts)
stormforce10 Tue 29-Jan-13 21:11:16

DD came home with a party invitation tonight. She rushed over with it and ad I knew she'd be able to go I told party girls mum that dd would love to come. She said that was great and they'd invited whole class except for girl who was new this term as they didn't really know anything about her or her family.

AIBU to have responded "sorry I think you should have asked her its hard enough being new as it is without being left out of something like this" Party girls mum just said well luckily its nothing to do with you and walked off. Fair enough nothing to do with me but couldn't leave it unsaid

AIBU?

SixFeetUnder Wed 30-Jan-13 20:39:22

My son handed out his invites for his 6th birthday party this saturday on his first day back at school after the Xmas holidays. This was also a little girls first day at the school but she also received an invite as I had asked the teacher for a class list including any new starts. His whole class is going, no way would we miss anyone out.

My son came home that day and told me how he'd played with the new girl and was glad she was coming to his party. Her mum was grin

Herrena Wed 30-Jan-13 19:17:45

Good point Hulababy....

IsabelleRinging Wed 30-Jan-13 18:13:33

YANBU!

I would cancel going to the party and invite the new girl round to play with your dd on that day.

fluffygal Wed 30-Jan-13 18:05:23

I wish you were at my DD's school :-(

Hulababy Wed 30-Jan-13 17:17:03

Aw lovely for your DD and the new little girl.

If party mum thinks you'll turn everyone against her then she must have realised you were right at least. Otherwise she'd have feel sure everyone would agree with her and not caved.

stormforce10 Wed 30-Jan-13 17:13:19

Saw new girls mum at school pick up and asked her about the weekend. She's coming. Her dd grabbed dd's hands and danced round the playground with her when her mum told her - she also seemed very excited about her party invite.

lovely little girl and liking her mum more the more I see of her smile

HecateWhoopass Wed 30-Jan-13 16:16:22

I See All wink

DoctorAnge Wed 30-Jan-13 14:59:16

Well done for you! Your actions will have made that little girls day.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Wed 30-Jan-13 14:42:03

The party would be a perfect opportunity for the new girl to get to know everyone.

You wonder what chance her daughter has growing up with the lack of empathy her mother seems to have don't you!

Well done you for sticking up for her and saying your piece.

stormforce10 Wed 30-Jan-13 14:39:50

Damn you Hecate how did you find out what I whispered in other mum's ears? Are you a mum at DDs school too?

For variety I whispered to some of them "x is a smelly meany don't share your sweeties with her"

IslaValargeone Wed 30-Jan-13 14:37:12

She sounds very strange indeed, especially after the follow up comment. Having said that, although your sentiment of thinking the new girl should also be included was great, I think your initial comment was rude and should have been phrased far more diplomatically.

CrapBag Wed 30-Jan-13 14:23:43

YANBU. How horrible!!

I thought it was bad enough the other day when a mum stood in the playground giving out invites in a very obvious was, about 2 thirds of the class were invited including everyone in the group I was stood with. No invite for DS though. Luckily he was playing and didn't notice but I thought she could have been bloody discrete about it though.

Thats why I am glad we have gone for DS inviting 5 friends to do an activity this year rather than the party thing. I think I will do this from now on.

HecateWhoopass Wed 30-Jan-13 14:19:19

What on earth made her think that a) you would turn everyone against her and b) you had the power to do that even if you wanted to? [boggle]

More likely that she had a strop and a sulk then realised you were right and her behaviour is stupid. And is cross with you for pointing it out grin

Unless of course you went round the rest of the mums whispering "X is a poo poo pants, if you're friends with her, you can't be friends with me..."

Meikyo Wed 30-Jan-13 13:44:50

YANBU - and well done for saying what you did.

My DD (age 10) started at a new school in January. She got a party invitation the first week and has also been invited to play and to tea by different girls in her new class. She is in her 4th week at new school and seems v happy. I'm so grateful that her new classmates' parents are not like the horror in your post!

Herrena Wed 30-Jan-13 13:44:48

When is this party meant to be op?

I'm asking because NastyMum's response was quite telling; she assumed you would turn everyone against her, so presumably that's what she would do in your situation. I'd be wary of her trying to depict you as some holier-than-thou cow. At least you should bear her possible attitude in mind if anyone comes up to you and starts discussing the party whilst squinting at you curiously. If it's sometime in the future then she has more chance to gossip....

If anyone does speak to you about it in an 'angling for gossip' sort of way, I would avoid the topic of the new child unless they bring it up first. If they do, then your stock response should be something like 'Yes, I'm really happy X is coming too, it will be a good chance for him/her to make friends' and leave it at that. It's a nice short positive reponse that people can't really argue with!

If they mention your disagreement with NastyMum, maybe just shrug and say something noncommital like 'never mind' or 'it'll all be fine I'm sure'. Nice short non-detailed answers so you can't be accused of saying anything bitchy (I'm sure you wouldn't anyway).

I think you did the right thing in standing up to her in the first place and I am impressed by your backbone smile

kilmuir Wed 30-Jan-13 13:12:12

bloody horrid parents.
Why not invite her round to yours

pigletmania Wed 30-Jan-13 13:10:34

You did a wonderful thing feel very proud for speaking up for that child. Wat a nasty woman for thinking its ok to leave one child out, what if the tables were turned and it was her child

Good for you standing up to that horrid woman! shock

What difference does it make if 'the family' are OK????
Surely it's the little girl that matters here.
Weird woman. Sounds vile and mouthy as well.
It is lovely that she is being included and all down to you!!! Well done!

Good for you standing up, it is presumably 2hrs in some hall/ soft play, how wrong can it go. For dd1's WHOLE class party we invited a boy we knew would be starting after the holidays. Dd2 has decided to invite the new girl as one of her six guests. IMHO there is only one justification for leaving a child out and that is long term sustained bullying by that child to the party child, even then a smaller party is better. Probably everyone else gave her the same reaction. Hope it goes well at the weekend.

pigletmania Wed 30-Jan-13 12:45:54

That's a fantastic outcome, what a nasty vile woman, don't think she is alright and I would hate to be associated with someone like that

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 30-Jan-13 12:45:25

What a peculiar woman <shrug> well after all this hope everyone has a great time.

xxDebstarxx Wed 30-Jan-13 12:32:10

Ha! She probably told other people what you said and how she responded and they all went shock at her nastiness so she had to backtrack and invite the girl.

She probably came on to AIBU to say "WIBU to uninvite this child after her mother was so rude and entitled" then read this and went "ah bollocks".

grin

stormforce10 Wed 30-Jan-13 12:29:01

Phew

Saw party mum this morning and she stomped j she said "since you're obviously going to turn everyone against me if I don't I've invited X to Y's party. Lets hope her family turn out to be alright shall we?" She then turned round and walked off without another word.

Perhaps she's seen this thread?

Flabbergasted at such nastiness but glad for X and happy I said something. I barely know the woman and now not sure I want to. God knows what she says about me to other people and I don't care

DD happy to invite X along on Saturday as she likes her so will sort out a note to her mum and hopefully pass it along at pick up time.

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