to think these children shouldn't be home alone for a fortnight!

(200 Posts)
mumsnit Tue 29-Jan-13 16:38:22

My friend has started to regularly go away on holiday with her new partner and leaving her two kids at home. She was away 4 times last year and has just gone away again. The eldest is 15 and is doing her GCSE s this year, and the youngest is 12. They are going to school and managing to cook for themselves etc but she hasn't asked anyone to keep an eye on them officially or anything. Her ex p is around sometimes but lives elsewhere with his new family.

I'm really concerned about their welfare. Am I being over the top about this or should I be worried? I have tried to talk to her but she's obsessed with this bloke (who couldn't really care less about her kids sad) and she can't see past his needs.

BridgetBidet Tue 29-Jan-13 16:40:59

How much is the ex-p 'around'. If he's keeping a fairly close eye on things they may well be okay.

corlan Tue 29-Jan-13 16:42:08

YANBU - Shouldn't be happening.

If you know what school they are at, I would call them and let them know. Then it's up to the school to take it further.

DonnaDoon Tue 29-Jan-13 16:42:49

No advice but you are right to be concerned..poor kids.

KellyElly Tue 29-Jan-13 16:44:00

How long does she go away for? Is it a couple of nights or a week or so? I wouldn't be comfortable with this at all. the 12 year old is too young.

dreamingofsun Tue 29-Jan-13 16:44:25

i have left mine alone for a week once they get to 17. i'm happy to do this and i think its good for them. 12 i would say is too young and also 15. in fact i wouldn't leave my 15 year old alone for a night by themself and if they are doing gcse's someone ought to be there to support/encourage/look after them whilst they get on and study.

this sounds like neglect to me. all it takes is for one of them to forget to turn the cooker off, or lock a door or countless of other things.

not sure what to suggest to resolve it though. hopefully someone will come on with some good ideas

fatcuntroller Tue 29-Jan-13 16:46:07

Do you know which school they're at? I would call the school and make them aware.

katedan Tue 29-Jan-13 16:46:34

I think the 15 yr old for a few nights would be Ok but not the 12 yr old too young I think. I am surprised they are not having wild parties every night. If they have coped for the last 4 holidays like this then obviously very independant kids but I fel very sad for them that their mum has put the new bf before her kids. I wonder if their school know.

CuriousMama Tue 29-Jan-13 16:47:51

sad Same age as my dss, that's awful.

Yes totally agree with informing the school.

DeepRedBetty Tue 29-Jan-13 16:48:00

I wouldn't leave children this age alone overnight, so yanbu.

Do you know ex-p (presumably their dad) enough to talk to, find out if he's aware of her disappearing acts without dropping her in it?

elliejjtiny Tue 29-Jan-13 16:48:12

YANBU. I was 19 when I was trusted to look after my sister (aged 11) for a long day (about 12 hours) and even then our auntie and uncle took us to mcdonalds for tea and back to theirs afterwards.

CuriousMama Tue 29-Jan-13 16:49:21

katedan mine wouldn't have wild parties if left alone. Not that I'd do this though but wouldn't interest them. DS2 might have friends in to go on the xbox but that'd be it?

I just feel so sad for dcs when the mother or father puts a new partner first sad

Nancy66 Tue 29-Jan-13 16:50:22

No, this isn't right.

It's not fair to place so much responsiblity on a 15 year old - especially one studying for exams.

ENormaSnob Tue 29-Jan-13 16:50:46

Yanbu

I would be contacting the school and ss.

SirBoobAlot Tue 29-Jan-13 16:52:34

I would contact the school.

AmberSocks Tue 29-Jan-13 16:52:59

im trying to think of what i was like at 15,and i think i would of been ok,but i would be concerned,espescially as there is a 12 year old there too,i would also worry if the wrong type of person found they were at home alone for a fortnight,it could be awful.

mumsnit Tue 29-Jan-13 16:53:23

Thanks I'm glad my worries seem justified. I don't know ex p at all he sees them on the weekends sometimes but not during the week.

She's a friend so I hate the idea of causing trouble for her but I think the older one has too much responsibility and its not fair..

ChunkyPickle Tue 29-Jan-13 16:53:47

I was left alone at 15 for a week or two (grumpy teenager, refusing to go on family holiday), I think it depends on the area (I knew there were people to go to if I needed help), and the teenager (I was horribly sensible and capable back then).

With a 12 year-old, I don't know, it does feel a bit young, but I think it is possible that they would be OK.

katedan Tue 29-Jan-13 16:54:11

sorry CuriousMama did not mean to define all teenagers as party animals, I know there are lots of lovely teenagers who would not dream of throwing parties when their folks are away.

GaryBuseysTeeth Tue 29-Jan-13 16:56:31

My mum used to do this to us all the time (although sometimes my grandmother would be asked to look after us), if she's the same sort of selfish woman as my mum no amount of talking/begging/shouting to her will make her put her children before her boyfriend.

So I agree with talking to the school, could you or someone else have them over?

Good luck

RosemaryandThyme Tue 29-Jan-13 16:58:31

Why is everyone advocating involving the school ?

School staff are on locus parentus for the duration of the school day - not responsible for children 24 hrs a day.

If girls are continuing to attend school without issue then what responsibility should school staff take on ? The Heads' not going to be taking the kids home with him for a week, if SS involvment is what you think is right then just phone them direct.

Inaflap Tue 29-Jan-13 16:58:41

I think you need to inform the school. As you are a friend, can you pop round and see if they are OK. Its a lot for a 15 yr old to be a main carer especially with exams coming up. Make sure that they are on their own, ie, partner isn't staying over or there isn't an adult there and the certainly inform the school. This is a child protection issue.

SirBoobAlot Tue 29-Jan-13 17:05:58

If she is a friend like you say, then you need to give her a kick up the arse and a wake up call to the fact that a new partner doesn't mean she can skip being a mother when she fancies it.

cozietoesie Tue 29-Jan-13 17:08:39

The middle and older teenagers in our extended family have gradually started to be left alone for the odd night if absolutely necessary but with heavy family (aunties, uncles, grandparents etc) oversight. I wouldn't recommend it as a regular thing. It's good to enable them to adjust but even adults can get edgy if they're alone in a house at night and hear 'strange' noises. How much more so a youngster.

I'd pop round and see how they're doing and if an adult is coming in to keep an eye on them unofficially or if they're truly on their own.

CuriousMama Tue 29-Jan-13 17:10:31

katedan I wasn't offended, just saying bragging that mine wouldn't wink

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