to not understand why so many people are 'proud' of babies rolling over, crawling, walking etc?

(285 Posts)
HiggsBoson Sun 27-Jan-13 21:21:21

Unimportant bollocks I know, but humor me smile

I have a 3yo DD. Lately I'm noticing more and more people on facebook and in general conversation going on about how very proud they are that "DS rolled over" or "DD crawled"

As for toileting hmm

I've always felt that pride is an ugly thing and hand on heart I have never been proud of DD Crawling, walking or taking a shit. I mean, these are human bodily functions and surely no reflection on your offspring's intelligence or your capability as a parent? So what's to be proud of?

Sure - when DD is a little older and does something for someone else of her own volition as an act of kindness, then yes, I might be proud of that. If she helps people and achieves happiness for herself and others then I might also be proud of her for that. But rolling? Nah.

Am I being a twat?

JassyRadlett Mon 28-Jan-13 20:47:10

Altinkum, I'm in the same boat with family on the other side of the world. I don't go overboard with development updates but I post a lot about my kid because I know about half my audience would rather hear about him than any other banalities about me and my non-kid life. grin

Those who don't use Facebook - food for you, you can join those who delight in talking about how they don't watch TV because it's 'all crap' in my own personal psueuds' corner. It's a platform, the content varies with who your friends are. If your friends are banal and crap, that's hardly the platform's fault.

And those who do use FB but find this stuff self-absorbed and even narcissistic - don't you find at least a good proportion of FB posts are at least a wee bit like that, whether about kids or not? Some of it's interesting to me, some not. Some people run brilliant social campaigns, others post pictures of food they're cooking. But ultimately it's a place with a big 'let me tell you what I'm thinking/doing' as its reason for existing. Just don't get the angst when people seem surprised to find FB posts can seem self-absorbed.

SayCoolNowSayWhip Mon 28-Jan-13 20:32:33

I feel like people are misunderstanding the meaning of 'Pride'. Pride is not necessarily attributed to oneself. Feeling pride in something your child does (or indeed in anything another person does) is not the same as being smug or self-congratulatory.
I was and am proud of all DD's achievements, including rolling, crawling etc. Some of these I posted on FB. Some of my friends post achievements that their DCs have reached. I don't find this annoying.
As someone said previously, FB is full of people sharing ridiculous aspects of their life, such as what they had for dinner or when they last did a poo. If you don't like it, don't read it.
Suck it up, OP. I think you're being unreasonable. Although I'm not sure you quite deserve the level of flaming on this thread.
Also some of the updates about DCs are incredibly funny. I loved the 'where willy' one above.
Also my daughter is of course the most ridiculously beautiful girl in the world (which I do not take credit for) so I feel, like Mrs De Vere, that it is my duty to share her beauty with the world wink

iwantanafternoonnap Mon 28-Jan-13 19:44:05

I always feel really proud that when my DS has a shit he feels the need to coax it out in a really loud voice even when in public loos e.g. COME OUT POO COME ON< COME OUT grunt grunt grunt wink

thebody Mon 28-Jan-13 19:34:03

Does it really matter though op? Yes it's a bit irritating especially as of course my children are the best in the world but so what!

It's the parents who neglect, are cruel or don't give a shit that worry me.

Littlebearlost Mon 28-Jan-13 19:32:26

Fb is showboating. It's all very over the top. Every new baby that's on there gets comments like "stunning" "amazing" "most beautiful thing I've e er seen" etc etc. it's all a bit ott.
Similarly people need to get a grip about minor achievements. I was glad when ds met his milestones but not really proud. They were things I assumed he'd do because most children do them. Had he not, I'd have been worried. So yes, I was pleased and thankful but not really proud.
I am proud of him for things that are specific to him but I don't put it on fb. I had a friend put a comment on the photo of her eight week old daughter stating that her daughter had "advanced head control" and was already grasping things. She followed up by saying she expected her daughter would be an early walker.
It's things like that that irritate me, although I guess they are harmless. I just can't really understand it. Anyone that describes a small baby as advanced gets on my nerves.
So I think in general yanbu to not want to read about it but the parents arent bu to be proud I guess.

HiggsBoson Mon 28-Jan-13 19:27:09

It would seem so Elphaba smile

For fear of also having a new one ripped, I actually agree with the OP on both points. I'll use a recent FB update from a friend to illustrate:

'DS ate mashed carrot on his four month birthday! Proud mummy and daddy!'

Regarding FB update about PFB - as this thread has illustrated, some people find these kinds of updates irritating, others like them. Each to their own - I'm in the former category.

But why 'proud'? In this instance, they strapped a baby incapable of resisting into his highchair and pushed food into his mouth which he (miraculously at four months old) didn't spit out. Pleased, excited, thrilled, captivated - yes, yes, yes, yes and more. But proud? Why?

I was over the moon when DS rolled, sat up etc - thrilled, texted immediate family, slightly relieved that he did them 'on schedule' (I used to work in SN), told him how lovely he was, showered him with kisses and cuddles in my joy...but pride? Being proud of something suggests to me that a certain level of conscientious effort, sacrifice or above-and-beyond commitment was required. Normal levels of infant perseverance biologically required to meet milestones elicits joy, anticipation and many other positive emotions on my part, but I don't feel that 'pride' is the appropriate term.

Maybe you and I just have an off-the-beaten-track definition of 'pride' OP <shrugs>

HiggsBoson Mon 28-Jan-13 19:24:36

That isn't my entire sentence FFS angry

hand on heart I have never been proud of DD Crawling, walking or taking a shit

That's the full sentence - quit with the misquotes.

trio38 Mon 28-Jan-13 19:21:51

YABU. Dc3 is one and I'm still ridiculously proud of her achievements, even though I've seen it all before and I'm aware nearly all children reach these milestones. It's part of the joy of having a very young child.

What makes me gag is people posting older children's achievements ie "Tilly was voted class monitor again and Jasper has passed his grade 2 tuba with a high merit."

That's boasting imo, rather than sharing excitement at a babies natural development.

I've always felt that pride is an ugly thing and hand on heart I have never been proud of DD

^ You did say that so whats your issue with Lockets post? Are you allowed to express your feelings about our pride for our children but we aren't supposed to comment on your lack of pride, no?

HiggsBoson Mon 28-Jan-13 18:43:16

Locketjuice how fucking ridiculous. I did not say that as well you know angry Also I only have one DD due to a life limiting illness on my part that prevents me from having any more children. I was told I wouldn't be having her and had an extremely risky pregnancy and birth, so I DO know what it feels like to love and appreciate my child thank you very much angry

DD knows she is loved very much and that that we are pleased for her achievements, but I do feel uncomfortable with the concept of 'pride'. It feels too self congratulatory to me.

Psammead Mon 28-Jan-13 18:38:07

Ha! I feel proud when Dd2 burps grin it would be hard for me not to feel proud of my girls, really. If your own mother cannot think you are the bee's knees, who else will?

markers*

I am an Early Years teacher and those 'pointless' milestones you seem to be ridiculing are actually hugely important markets of their development and growth. A child who cannot follow a finger or toy from side to side at six months may have sight problems. A child who has not made an attempt to talk at 1 year old may have speech delay. And so on. Biologically speaking parents are designed to note these things, because not doing so could be extremely costly to the child. I have seen the consequences of such.

You may not like your friends sharing these things, but so what? They're your friends. If you love then, get over it - because it is essential that they pay attention to these things, to help catch early signs of autism, dyslexia, speech and language difficulties or global development delay.

Just wanted to put a professional pov on it all.

PignutSalamander Mon 28-Jan-13 18:17:46

I confess I have not read this whole thread but I needed to add this
I was told dd may never walk or have conscious control of her bladder / bowel when she had her first pee, I was over joyed ( didn't put it on face book though I'm with you on that )
Every pooey nappy I change I thank my lucky stars is not a colostomy bag. Rolling, crawling, walking you have no idea of the unreserved pride I feel seeing her do these things, actually not all kids do.
Don't knock the little things

Locketjuice Mon 28-Jan-13 16:53:10

Yabu. You have never been proud of your children?! Charming!

BackforGood Mon 28-Jan-13 16:40:10

What *LingdiLong said on the first page smile
Of course it's exciting when your little one achieves their milestones

MollyMurphy Mon 28-Jan-13 16:07:39

Aw I don't care who doesn't give a shit or how many other children do the same things. To see MY child try so hard and come so far - I am endlessly proud of him. We are his parents, his cheerleaders - why shouldn't we be?

Are we really so jaded that we can have a little joy and pride over our little-ones journey?

Anyone who is a real friend and not just some facebook groupie shouldn't be put out over hearing about a milestone or two. Either see the post and care or don't. Facebook is fraught with mindless posts about what people ate or pooped that day - that is the culture of it. Not my thing personally but hardly worth hiking your judgy-pants up over.

HiggsBoson - a couple of things occur to me.

Firstly, the things you are considering as not worth parental pride are indeed small things, when considered from the viewpoint of an adult who has been doing them for years, but each 'first' is a real achievement for the baby/child - I think that is what people are celebrating.

Secondly, whilst I do accept that most of the rest of the world may have little or no interest in the fact that little Xavier has just said his first word, or done his first poo in the potty, little Xavier's mum has every right to be pleased with his achievement.

I also think it is no bad thing for a child to know that their parents are proud of them. Yes, as a previous poster said, it isn't good for a parent to create a situation where the child achieves just to make their parent proud, nor is it good for a child to receive out-of-proportion praise and adulation for every single thing they do, good or bad - but knowing that your parents think you are special is very important - and perhaps a bit of public boasting is part of making your child feel special. I can remember a little glow of happiness when my dad talked about mentioning an achievement of mine to his colleagues - before the invention of Facebook and the internet, when you had to do your boasting face to face!

TandB Mon 28-Jan-13 15:36:25

If you do decide to walk the streets of east London with your photo album, please do tell me so that I can come and video people's reactions....

Ullena Mon 28-Jan-13 15:28:38

My late mother never once told me that she was proud of me. She would expect me to achieve very high standards and would be very openly disappointed if I failed. After a while, I just stopped telling her what I had been doing at school, work, etc. As far as I know she was the same when I was a baby too.

Never really clicked until I saw how my elder sisters would praise their children for their acheivements. I remember wishing someone had done that for me. I mentioned it to my father, who assured me that they were both very proud of me, and not to be silly.

That was, and still is, the only actual time he has told me that.

MrsDeVere Mon 28-Jan-13 15:16:24

awww thank you smile

Quite right too. What IS the issue with people being proud of their DCs? When did that become something awful?

I think I missed the memo.

threesocksmorgan Mon 28-Jan-13 14:58:14

MrsDeVere I love seeing you pics.

I don't think it is a pfb thing, yes I love sharing about DS and what he does,
but dd has to work so had to do the smallest thing I am dammed if I am not going to share it.

MrsDeVere Mon 28-Jan-13 14:55:17

I think that the RL talking about baby's achievement is a PFB thing but now we have FB.

It doesn't take much effort to tell the world about you baby rolling over, sitting up, clapping and pooing (at the same time). Plus we do not have to watch as people's eyes glaze over.

So even us working class mothers with tons of kids can sit in the comfort of our own homes and tell you all about Jayden's (for example) first tooth even if he happens to be DC5 or 10

I put tons of photos of my DCs on FB because they are SO gorgeous and I feel I have a responsibility, NAY a duty to share them with the world.

Its not like I could do that without FB. I wouldn't just wander the streets of East London with a photo album....

Pigsmummy Mon 28-Jan-13 11:35:18

I love when my DD does something new, I recently put one of these on FB and family who don't live near were delighted to hear about it. FB is for family and friends not the general public so why not put it on there?

Yanbu but you are being a bit of a miser, if it really pisses you off then unfriend them on FB?

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