To feel so upset regarding contact.

(1000 Posts)

Some of you may know my backstory from the nature of my post. I namechanged a while ago and have been trying to put the past behind me and move forward with 5mo DD.
Me and my ex have a rather volatile relationship. He didn't want me to keep DD. since she has been born he hasn't provided physically or emotionally. He pays half the maintainence he should.
I tried to keep him seeing DD, him coming here, me there (2.5 hour drive). Supervised by me.
I don't want or agree with any child been taken away from their father but he is so inconsistent and to put it bluntly useless it had crossed my mind that it may be better if he goes away.
He has had a new girlfriend who seems to have taken priority since when I was 5 months pregnant.
It's now 22 days since any contact with him. He's ignored my attempts to send pictures and updates and is like to know if I am BU by thinking this is not acceptable and letting it upset me.
I'm a bit of a wreck today. I know this is AIBU but please try to be gentle.

SoftKittyWarmKitty Tue 05-Mar-13 14:19:06

Make I found my house to rent on Gumtree. Well actually, my landlord found me. When I was looking for this house I was looking on Rightmove, Gumtree and the local forum's property section, I posted 'wanted' ads on Gumtree and the local site. My landlord had just renovated this house and was browsing Gumtree to get an idea of what kind of rental prices were charged in this area, when he saw my wanted ad and contacted me. I've been here 3.5 years smile. It's a private rental and I deal direct with the landlord, so there was no letting agency fee to pay which saved some money at the time.

Try putting a wanted ad on Gumtree but make it really, really positive so they love you, then just mention the DSS at the bottom. Feel free to send me a pm if you want a hand with it.

That's a brilliant idea smile

I'm doing that now smile I just need some space.

Oh Gosh now I've got a job interview on Friday for a care home shock what do I wear? And say!!!

HopingItllBeOK Tue 05-Mar-13 15:27:52

Oh great, finally I can help. I've been following this thread but everything I wanted to say had already been said by far more eloquent posters than I by the time I got to it.

For the job interview, wear something smart but don't worry about a suit, not for a care home job. I don't say that to sound snobby at all, I worked in care homes for years and have seen people overlooked who went in wearing suits as it was assumed they wouldn't want to get their hands dirty. I know it doesn't make sense, but there you are. Black trousers and a tunic top maybe?

As for what to say, to be honest every job I went for selected more on personality than professional experience. If you have a caring nature, that will show through in your interview. Be yourself as much as possible, since you will be working as part of a team and it is quite important to have a good 'team spirit' as it were, in that you wouldn't put a rabid Tory on the same shift as a raving Lefty wink when you will already have a lot of demands in your time.

How are you sorted for childcare? Most places I worked had bloody awkward shift patternsm 7am-2pm or 1pm-10pm which made childcare difficult, but some places also had half shifts to cover busy times, so 3-7pm which is more do-able and leaves you a chunk of your day with your little one.

What sort of care home is it?

HopingItllBeOK Tue 05-Mar-13 15:28:22

Crap, in my haste to post before someone beat me to it again I forgot to say Good Luck!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 05-Mar-13 15:52:28

Think of areas of expertise, coping in a crisis, 'thinking on your feet', taking initiative. Or for that matter following routines, paying attention to detail, taking orders. Any familiarity with people with long-term illness or disability? Nice friendly manner, able to get along with anyone.

What a week, good luck!

Bless you hoping thank yousmile

Some week isn't it! Check my outfit just to ask mum if she can watch dd.

It's a care home similar to a general bupa care home so I can try and gain a nvq2 aswell.
Finally feel a bit better about a some sort of future smile

flow4 Tue 05-Mar-13 17:16:09

Also... Customer care/focus - meeting individual needs; dignity (e.g. giving people choice, protecting their privacy); safeguarding (e.g. what do you need to consider? What would you do if you had a concern about the safety or well-being of someone in the care home?); and confidentiality...

HopingItllBeOK Tue 05-Mar-13 17:28:23

So a residential retirement home? Sorry, I'm not familiar with general Bupa homes, I did independent or council run homes all the way wink

I agree with Flow4, dignity, compassion and respect are the main things the interviewers will be looking for. Ask about the training they offer and potential for advancement, it will serve to make you look keen and interested rather than just someone who wants a job, any job and is only interested in the pay packet. If you don't have any formal caring experience and they ask, mention your daughter. Just say that while you don't have professional experience, you have a child and helped look after younger siblings when younger/check in on Old Tom next door/volunteered at the youth group/whatever you have done that may be relevant so that they can see that you have a caring nature.

If you have any first aid qualifications, even if they have lapsed, mention those and say you would be interested in bringing them up to date.

Generally though, a calm, caring, unflappable demeanour will go a long way with interviewers. Remember, if you can deal with all this crap from your ex and not stove his head in with Tefal's finest, you have the patience of a saint and can cope with anything wink

Thank you for all your advice smile
It's a large residential care home with some home work too

Here we go again;
I want to see Dd

I sent a polite message saying she is free down here sat or sun with times etc what do I get.
Ill see her at the weekend if you being her to my parents angry

GregBishopsBottomBitch Tue 05-Mar-13 19:27:21

Ugh, what a knobhead.

Tell him, where you will be on 2 different dates, otherwise you and DD are not available.

She has other family wanting to see her apparently angry

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 05-Mar-13 19:28:56

Deep breath calm thoughts. Don't rush a reply. He doesn't know you've read his answer.

I wish I could just ignore him but that will obviously go against me should it ever go to court

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 05-Mar-13 19:30:14

They all have little babies with routines that can't be carted across country too do they...?

GregBishopsBottomBitch Tue 05-Mar-13 19:30:28

Also point out that you cant afford to go 2 and half hours, but they are more than welcomed to meet you half way.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 05-Mar-13 19:32:21

It is not ignoring honey he only has himself to feed, wipe, look after. You're busy and will give it some thought and when you figure out what to reply, you'll do so.

Oh I meant ignore him forever wink

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 05-Mar-13 19:34:12

Obviously I don't mean do as we I say Make I just mean don't jump when he yanks your chain.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 05-Mar-13 19:35:42

Ha ha xpost!

GregBishopsBottomBitch Tue 05-Mar-13 19:36:09

Reply to tommorrow.

But when you reply, say, im willing to meet halfway and these times and places, DD will enjoy a day out.

The email goes on saying she needs to spend time in a homely environment with them and its halfway!!

balia Tue 05-Mar-13 19:41:15

Ignore or send a copy of your previous email. Don't worry about court, honestly.

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