To feel so upset regarding contact.

(1000 Posts)

Some of you may know my backstory from the nature of my post. I namechanged a while ago and have been trying to put the past behind me and move forward with 5mo DD.
Me and my ex have a rather volatile relationship. He didn't want me to keep DD. since she has been born he hasn't provided physically or emotionally. He pays half the maintainence he should.
I tried to keep him seeing DD, him coming here, me there (2.5 hour drive). Supervised by me.
I don't want or agree with any child been taken away from their father but he is so inconsistent and to put it bluntly useless it had crossed my mind that it may be better if he goes away.
He has had a new girlfriend who seems to have taken priority since when I was 5 months pregnant.
It's now 22 days since any contact with him. He's ignored my attempts to send pictures and updates and is like to know if I am BU by thinking this is not acceptable and letting it upset me.
I'm a bit of a wreck today. I know this is AIBU but please try to be gentle.

Oh no I just feel sad he's got such tunnel vision.
Who expects a young inexperienced mother who had PND to drive her child around the country. In a anxious state. At all times of day disregarding the babies routine and comfort zone.

Oh yes, now I remember, them

DancingInTheMoonlight Wed 20-Feb-13 14:02:13

God he is scrapping the bottom of the barrel to provoke a reaction! Ignore, ignore, ignore!

ProphetOfDoom Wed 20-Feb-13 14:10:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Wed 20-Feb-13 14:10:59

It's all just noise really isn't it? Doesn't compel you to go anything, doesn't make any of it true, doesn't mean all he has to do is go to court and suddenly he'll get everything he thinks he's entitled to

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Wed 20-Feb-13 14:11:18

Bugger posted too soon.

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Wed 20-Feb-13 14:16:04

He's got no intention of going to court if he can't afford to travel to see his DD. I doubt he'd rather spend thousands on court, than a much smaller % in travel to see your DD. He'll keep trying to grind you down until he realises his rants aren't having any effect. All you have to do is ignore, and wait to see if he'll eventually come back and accept your terms, or if he'll just stew in his own bitterness and anger.

Whocansay Wed 20-Feb-13 14:20:57

Do you now see what a narrow escape you had from this twat? You could have spent years putting up with this crap, with him blaming you for everything!

He is just a sad deluded fool who thinks one foot stamp gets what he wants. confused

Meant to but angry not confused

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Wed 20-Feb-13 14:25:18

It's really good to hear you talk this way make, you have come really far and I'm sure things will only continue to improve for you personally, irrespective of what the ex twunt does.

That's a lovely thing to say bunch thank you

MrsTomHardy Wed 20-Feb-13 17:20:21

It's not your responsibility to take your dd anywhere! Please don't drive around the country taking her here there everywhere just to please him and his family!

My xh told me he couldn't afford to see his 2 boys again, that was 10 years ago now....he lives 12 miles away angry

I promise I won't, I did when I had PND and was 4 days-8 weeks old.
Looking back now that was a different woman- I was really not well

SoftKittyWarmKitty Wed 20-Feb-13 19:33:39

You've got the measure of him and he doesn't like it. He's trying to push your emotional buttons and doesn't like that you're not reacting. Stay strong.

Inertia Wed 20-Feb-13 23:10:57

Make, I've just read your whole thread through tonight and it's incredible how your posts have changed from despair to strong and witty.

Not much to add to the excellent advice above, but one thing did occur to me- part of your Ex's argument about you not letting him have contact is dependent on you not being able to prove otherwise. This is why it's beneficial to him to insist on his mother's house, with no other witnesses. If contact is at a contact centre, presumably it's recorded; if it at's soft play, you've signed in with dates and times. I think it's worth insisting that all contact is somewhere traceable.

And definitely don't trek across the country, and never go on your own.

Thank you inertia.
Not feeling strong at all today

anonacfr Thu 21-Feb-13 13:07:20

Twat. He wants contact, he makes it happen. He's now talking about not being able to afford it so you drop the whole CSA thing.

Ignore ignore ignore. Try to have a restful day, treat yourself to a cake/ice cream, nice bath etc.

But if he can't afford to come and see her he can't afford to take me to court (parents wud prob pay) CSA won't start paying until mid march so it's not that. He's got no intention of doing Anythkng, he doesn't want to see her. I think he's playing his parents.

Teething baby is making me sad. Just had a bath and sat sobbing. Would be nice to have a family, feel that hand on my shoulder reassuring me. I feel terribly confused today.
it was nice to find a little wet nose nuzzling me, but a fluffy paw on the shoulder isn't the same

Make

You have a family. You, Your dd and your parents/friends. You don't your twat of an ex to make a family.

I really can't see him taking you to court any time soon as he will not make an effort to see her now. He not going to make the effort to take your to court which will be near you not him as it held where dc lives.

smile Thanks where. Feel slightly better now

GregBishopsBottomBitch Thu 21-Feb-13 16:40:21

Men like him always say that, its all bullshit, he just wants to get at you, hes stamping his feet and wants his own way, and hes realising now, that your getting stronger, he cant cope that you are better and beyond him now.

He's just trying to provoke you, Make to get a reaction, to drag you down to his level.

But you're much better than that. You KNOW he's a prize tool. A silly bully who is showing off because he can't get his own way.

As you said, as several have said - if he can't afford to come and see his own child, then he can't afford to take you to court.

You're doing so well - even when you have days when you feel low, you've made a huge amount of progress; your confidence is shining through.

I just do what's been recommended to me. See every day as an achievement. It sounds like I'm wishing my life away in a way, I go to bed and I'm thankful I've got through another day.
I do one kind thing a day for myself (today- a cake) and one fun thing for DD. today we did 2- we put together a new box and played with some frozen food. She's teething so I've been up since 2am on and off, crashing now.
He won't take me to court and if he does. The letter didn't drop on the mat today. If it does tommorow that's tommorow. I could get hit by a bus tonight, unlikely, but why worry. You get what I mean,
When I'm sat here screaming baby in handing wondering why he isn't here to support us I remember he wanted to abort her. Then I get cross and feel so much better- fiercely protective and I'm lucky as DD agrees a cuddle, a cuppa and some warm milk with a blanket and our pooch Is all we need.

and I don't need a man to put a toy box together grin

ProphetOfDoom Thu 21-Feb-13 20:01:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

We have baby nurofen, bonjella, dentinox gel, nelsons granules, Ashton and parsons granules but it seems frozen bannana is the best smile cheap and cheerful my child smile

Your twunt is at least making a effort smile

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