to be mad with dh

[city1984]

Last night ds had an accident. It involved me taking ds to hospital. Dh couldn't do it as he had to stay in. So he looked after 4 month ok dd. She was unsettled. He tried all the usual stuff to calm her. Nothing worked so he put her in cot and lef her to cry whilst he sat watching tv. She eventually went to sleep. I know he may not have been able to calm her. (Probably needed breast for comfort) but leaving her crying in the cot so he could watch tv. Surely he could have done more.(Think she cried for half an hour)

[HollyBerryBush]

Surely he could have done more

I know he may not have been able to calm her.

Probably needed breast for comfort

Well I suppose he could have grown a pair of breasts and started lactating on demand

[pictish]

I've done that.
Is he generally shite at dealing with the kids?

[AGivenNickname]

YANBU if he's just put her there and gone off to do his own thing. YABU if he's tried everything like comforting, nappy changing, feed...list could go on. Could it be that she was just over-tired? Maybe she wouldn't settle because she could sense you weren't there?

[pictish]

I mean I have left my baby in the cot to cry.

[pictish]

After trying everything...and feeling like I was going to implode.

[AGivenNickname]

Holly, that made me laugh! I just spluttered tea everywhere

[HollyBerryBush]

Does no harm to let a baby cry it out.

You can tell the difference between a hungry cry, a tired cry, a hurt cry etc

[BoundandRebound]

She's fine, she went to sleep

He doesn't have breasts so had no other recourse.

Putting her down rather than continuing to over stimulate her was probably a sensible solution

And there is no way he was just watching tv, he was listening to her from another room

[complexnumber]

So, you came home to a sleeping baby.

And you are mad with your dh.

[diddl]

Why did he have to stay in?

Was it really more important than taking his son to hospital so that you could stay with bfed baby?

[dreamingbohemian]

I think it depends how long she cried. 30 minutes is a long time to ignore a crying baby.

Why did he have to stay in? Why couldn't he take DS to the hospital?

[AGivenNickname]

OP, your DH must have been the one to tell you he'd left her there to cry to sleep - did he also tell you he'd tried everything or did he just put her there at the first oppurtunity?

TBH, I doubt she's affected by just being left - leaving a baby cry sometimes when you've tried everything is sometimes the only thing you can do.

[city1984]

He said that she wouldn't take dummy or bottle and claimed he tried to comfort her but he is not the most patient person so I guess his prescence wouldn't be calming. He also admitted that he put her in cot upstairs and went downstairs to watch tv. Sorry drip feeding but didn't want to make post too long as on phone. Incidently i was having a shower this am. I left her happy in cot in next room. She started crying and dh didn't bother to check on her. It is as if he thinks its my job!

[Emilythornesbff]

That would have upset me too.
But he just has a different way of dealing with her than you do.
Why did he have to stay in? (nosy)
I immediately assumed he was unable to drive so you had to go to hospital.
Hope ds is ok.

[city1984]

Sorry. He had a telephone interview. Fortunately dd wasn't crying at that point.

[sudaname]

Well she went to sleep so there obviously wasnt that much wrong with her care. I dont see anything wrong with it as long as she wasnt doing half an hours hernia inducing full pitch screaming whilst he did his own thing.

[dreamingbohemian]

Did you ask him why he didn't go to her this morning?

Is he a lazy type bloke?

[Greensleeves]

I would have been pissed off if my dh had done this. He should at least have been cuddling her. Holding her isn't "over-stimulating", it's basic care of a tiny infant. I think leaving a 4mo baby in a room alone to "cry it out" is cruel.

[Bunbaker]

How is your DS now?

I think men are wired differently to women when it comes to babies crying. They find it much more easy to switch off whereas we don't. If DD had been inconsolable at that age I would have just put her to the breast. If your DD is only comforted by breastfeeding there isn't much else your husband could have done.

[Emilythornesbff]

I know it's not a popular view but men are different from women
That's not to say they're all the same of course but we mothers have different responses to a crying baby that are in part related to our hormones.

It is possible he does see it as your job to see to your ds. Maybe it's worth a chat so you don't end up falling out over it.
Sorry about the assumption.

[dreamingbohemian]

I don't think you can say this is an inherent male-female difference. My DH is not any slower to respond when DS cries than I am.

I think men are more likely to believe it's not their job but there's nothing biological or natural about that. They're just choosing to be lazy.

[Greensleeves]

I don't think it's a "men are different" thing. It's just lazy. My dh wouldn't have left a crying baby alone upstairs and sat watching the telly. It's a bit insulting to fathers to imply that neglecting a distressed baby is a man thing

[dreamingbohemian]

Exactly, Greensleeves

[JumpingJackSprat]

mountain out of a molehill. has the baby been harmed by being left to go to sleep? did he adequately look after her? did she go to sleep? think you need to get over it and realise he will do things differently to you from time to time. your way isnt necessarily the right way.