to buy my son a valentine card so that he definitely gets one?

(101 Posts)

Can't decide if it is a good idea or not. On the one hand I want him to feel good about himself and popular (and know he would be happy to receive one and to be sble to say he got one when his friends were discussing it) but on the other hand I know it's a lie and he would be devastated if he found out so I would
tell no one, not even my partner (his dad).

chocoluvva Sat 26-Jan-13 22:43:58

According to DD, valentine cards are only exchanged between people who are already going out with each other.

I agree with Worra - no imagination these days!

andtheycalleditbunnylove Sat 26-Jan-13 21:50:00

don't send him a valentine.

teach him that is the one day in the year when he is allowed to lie. when anyone asks 'did you get a valentine?', he should look coy and at first refuse to tell, then say he had two. he can describe them if he likes. he can say, honestly, he has no idea who might send him a valentine.

i can't remember who told me this trick, but it works. being older and teaching, i now recieve six valentines cards every year. i might only get five this year, as my 'admirers' must be getting older...

CloudsAndTrees Sat 26-Jan-13 20:23:35

Don't do it! I agree it's weird.

Saying that though, I have given my dc chocolate hearts and the like on valentines day ever since they were little. I think that's very different though, because they know its from me.

I can remember not getting valentines and being a bit upset about it when I was at school, but looking back, it was only my best friend that did get one, so it's not like I was in the minority. And it's actually a bit creepy getting valentines when you genuinely have no idea who they are from. I had that once, when I was in a relationship, and I still want to know who the fuck sent it, because it wasn't my then boyfriend!

catladycourtney1 Sat 26-Jan-13 20:04:06

My first thought was what if he already thinks someone fancies him, and becomes convinced that it is from them? Potentially much more awkward and embarrassing situation than just not getting a card. Have you seen the Desperate Housewives episode where Gabby gets Juanita a card because she knows she won't get one, and she thinks it's from a boy in her class and ends up getting suspended or something for harrassing him?

My mum and dad used to get me a Valentine's card when I was about that age, they never signed it (as per tradition), but it was always pretty clear that it was from them. It was more of a joke than anything.

Thinking about it now, 11 does seem a bit young, but my primary school used to get the big post-box out for Valentine's day and deliver the cards to each classroom, like they did at Christmas. And only the oldest kids were eleven, obviously. I suppose it doesn't have to be anything overly adult or sexual.

imonlydancing Sat 26-Jan-13 20:01:31

My school friend got one from her mum every year from year 7 to 11. The first year she was the only girl in our whole class to get one. We spent hours analysing the handwriting, looking at boys work books, trying to see if anyone watched her longingly in PE, wondering how they got her address etc.

By the 5th year, EVERYONE knew her mum was writing these things. Except my poor friend. None of us said anything, but the horrible boys in our class did. She was ridiculed endlessly. Don't do it!!!

11's young for cards around here. DD is 12.5 and there's absolutely no chance there'll be any this year, from what friends tell me it's rare that any of the local kids do valentines' before year 10.

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 26-Jan-13 19:49:46

That's a good point mrsjay.
Imagine the embarrasment.

mrsjay Sat 26-Jan-13 19:22:52

OP what if he has a crush or fancies a girl in his class and thinks it is from her ? it could be really awkward, for him why does it matter at 11 if he gets a card or not

mrsjay Sat 26-Jan-13 19:20:48

No don't do it it is weird My friends GP sends her son 1 every year he is 15 shock don't it is ok if he doesn't get 1 it really is,

MadRambler Sat 26-Jan-13 19:15:47

I've not read all the replies, but I would ask you not to do this.

When I was about 14, I got my first proper (ie. from unknown sender) Valentine's card and was so excited.

It turned out my dad had sent it. Can't remember why, my parents must have been feeling sorry for me at the time.

It really hurt when I found out, which I did because they had to come clean when I got so excited and wouldn't stop going on about who it might be from. I think they then realised they'd made a mistake.

It might not mean so much to an 11 year old, but I bet you still end up admitting to it at some point.

Wellthen Sat 26-Jan-13 18:25:56

I had a friend who recieved one every year from the age of about 11. The first couple of years it was exciting and we all wondered who it might be. By the 3rd year it was just unbelieveable that anyone would feel strongly enough to send a card and yet not ask her out. Surely one of the points of 'secret admirer' cards is that the person secretly likes you back?

Someone pointed out it was probably her Mum and she insisted it wasn't because 'I've asked her' hmm Years later she now admits it was almost certainly her Mum.

At time I just remember thinking 'why does her Mum care whether she gets one?' its like saying 'no one fancies my child! I must pretend someone does or they will hate themselves!' - Why do you need to be 'fancied' to be happy? OP I'm sure this isnt your intention!!! But it just smacks of 'you are only worth something if you think someone finds you attractive'

CajaDeLaMemoria Sat 26-Jan-13 16:35:43

He will either cause himself huge embarrassment by presuming its from someone who it is not, or he will see straight through it and know it's you.

Every parent thinks about doing this. Most decide against it.

If he'd want you to do it if you asked him, then tell him your plan. If it has to stay a secret he doesn't want you to do it.

It's only parents that ask how many cards you get anyway.

My mother always made sure I.got a Valentine's card. I always knew it was from her and that was fine. It is partly so if people ask "how many cards did you get?" your answer is one greater than it would otherwise have been.

Secret V Day anything just causes anxiety.

CuttedUpPear Sat 26-Jan-13 16:24:13

When I was 15 I sent myself a Valentine's card so I could pretend to my family that someone (anyone) liked me.
The next year I didn't bother (had more sense) and I received no fewer than 6 cards in the post!

It was only 30 years later (after this amazing feat never ever being repeated) that I realised that my dad must have been behind it - I think he got everyone at his work to write one for me!

It doesn't matter cos I was v chuffed and would have been even if I'd found out at the time.

Send your boy one, go on.

Vijac Sat 26-Jan-13 16:19:51

I used to get one from my mum. With. Question mark but in her writing and hand delivered so I knew it was from her. I think that's better than trying to write a secret one.

RooneyMara Sat 26-Jan-13 16:18:05

I used to send loads! At least one every year. Everyone thought I was nuts, being a girl and going for it.

Tbh it never did me any favours - never got one back, not till I had a proper boyfriend - and I've not had one since apart from one from someone in the local institution. Which again was a nice gesture but sad

RooneyMara Sat 26-Jan-13 16:16:06

Please don't do this. Loads of us got duplicate handmade valentines from a boy in the sixth form - we'd all been out with him for about a fortnight each, he was the 'stay friends' type - and he nearly got lynched when we found out he'd sent us all one!

He meant it well - but it felt patronising and disappointing. Be there for your son but don't send him a fake card.

treas Sat 26-Jan-13 15:59:26

No don't do it - you'll be teaching him that he is only worth something if he has a girlfriend/boyfriend on his arm. You don't want him to be someone who cannot be single like my BIL who is on his 3rd marriage and who had women move in with him in between divorces.

FuriousRox Sat 26-Jan-13 15:59:24

And then what - buy him a wife in a decade's time so he definitely gets one and doesn't feel bad...? No op don't do it! Just be kind to him if he is disappointed rather than protecting him from the outset.

I still remember the girl at school who got cards from her mum dad cat and violin. Daft.

zukiecat Sat 26-Jan-13 15:46:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fakebook Sat 26-Jan-13 15:43:47

Do people really give a shit about valentines day? Since getting married to DH I've only celebrated it once and the only card I receive every year is from dd. Unless you're in America, I don't see why you're giving this day so much importance.

MrsDoomsPatterson Sat 26-Jan-13 15:40:02

And all in all, it isn't all that bad not to receive one anyway.

It is not a parent's job to protect children from absolutely every possible slight disappointment.

In fact, by doing so you are doing your DS a huge disservice by over-protecting his feelings and not allowing him to learn normal life lessons in a natural way. The anticipation (and disappointment) of non-materialising valentine cards is a formative part of learning about hope, disappointment, and other dating-related issues which will all be of use in developing a well-adjusted teenage persona at a later date.

I really don't understand the need to bubble-wrap children from every reality of normal life. hmm

firesidechat Sat 26-Jan-13 15:20:22

Don't do it!

Mainly because it is totally unnecessary. My children survived into adulthood without a single valentines card. Nothing wrong with them (they are rather attractive, nice people) just that nobody bothered much with cards.

morethanpotatoprints Sat 26-Jan-13 15:14:53

Sorry OP I usually believe in each to their own, but this is a bit creepy.

Neither my dss or dd have any interest in Valentines day and one is 21. Nobody used to bother at school neither. If anybody did mention they had cards no other dc seemed bothered about it.
If this is your only dc you need to be a bit less precious.

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