To think dh is being a selfish arse?

(121 Posts)
Ashoething Thu 24-Jan-13 13:19:56

Background-dh works long hours in a stressful job and I am a sahm to our dcs. Dh has form for treating me like an unpaid skivvy and we have had words about it-A LOT.

We have both been ill with bad colds since monday. Throat killing,head banging,chest agony kind of thing. I am usually very healthy and havent even been to doctors in about 7 years!-so am certainly not usually one to really whinge when am unwell.

Anyway both feel like shit basically. Bit the last 3 nights dh has come home from work at dcs teatime-half 5-and gone straight to bed. I have been left to do all the cleaning,washing up,homework,baths etc.

This morning he went to work and then reappeared 2 hours later and has gone straight to bed again without so much as a hello.

I am left to entertain toddler,clean house,have to go to post office and then so school run

AIBU to think he is a selfish arse for behaving like this?-I am ill too but havent had the luxury of hours in bed this week.

RarelyAGobshite Thu 24-Jan-13 19:19:26

grin Made me smile op

Hope you get things sorted between you so everything's a bit more fair, and he starts to appreciate what you do.

StuntGirl Thu 24-Jan-13 19:26:21

I am glad you're not running round after him OP. You're supposed to work together as a team, not have one of you traipsing round after the other come what may.

Serious words need to be had I think. This is no way for you to live your life. I hope you're feeling better thanks

manticlimactic Thu 24-Jan-13 20:35:33

How old is your eldest DC? I wouldn't have done his tea either if he had spoke to me like that!

WadingThroughTreacle Thu 24-Jan-13 20:45:45

Lol my first belly laugh of the day, your oh shuffling down looking for dinner.

Bogeyface Thu 24-Jan-13 20:54:47

I think it was the DH that said no Manti not the DC.

Gruffalump Thu 24-Jan-13 20:55:09

But when are you going to bed OP??

Ashoething Fri 25-Jan-13 10:27:45

Another update-he didnt bother having any dinner last night as obviously he is above making it himselfhmm I heard the alarm go off this morning-he sets it for 6am-he turned it off. Woke me at 8am and tried to leave me running about like a headless chicken getting dcs ready for school while he went back to sleep!

I wasnt having that so I chucked toddler at him and told him to get him washed and dressed. Ha ha. He has now gone to work looking very sorry for himself but am sure he will go straight back to bed when he comes homehmm

doublecakeplease Fri 25-Jan-13 10:37:27

I would have thrown the mattress out of the window by now - you deserve a medal op!

Does he work weekends?? If not please take yourself to bed when he's off and leave him to it - his behaviour is ridiculous and he needs to do his share!

brew

Ashoething Fri 25-Jan-13 10:49:07

HA ha I like the suggestion. The thing is he will genuinely not think that he has done anything wrong! If I point out his behaviour to him the only reply I will get is that he "works"-said pointedly-and I donthmm

I am going out tomorrow night for dinner and pics with a friend so will have lots of vino and a good moan! So he will have no choice but to watch the kids! Also we usually go to his parents for dinner on sunday but I phoned mil and told her we werent coming as he is too ill. Mwah ha ha! I havent told him yet-he will be furious as I know he will have been planning to tell mil how ILL he has been and how I havent been wiping his brow enoughhmm

susanann Fri 25-Jan-13 11:19:33

Well done OP. But you really need to address the way he treats you.

Ashoething Fri 25-Jan-13 17:40:26

Another update-just had huge row with twat h.he stomped downstairs after laying in bed all day again and very nastily asked where his dinner was.i told him not to speak to me as if he is lord n master and he started his.usual shite about how hard he works blah,blah,blah.am afraid i lost the plot! Shouted n swore and told him he is a selfish arse and to piss of back to mummy.now he has the moral high ground because i swore in front of dcs and has gone back to bed! Am sitting here shaking like a leaf :'(

Well done for standing up to him. I think he really might need to leave for a while so he can understand the impact his laziness and selfishness is having on you.

SweetSeraphim Fri 25-Jan-13 17:52:58

Oh dear.

FWIW you've done exactly the right thing though. Who the fuck does he think he is? angry

And he hasn't been working hard has he? He's been lying in bed for days on end, the lazy shit.

Can you take the dc out somewhere? Anywhere you could stay overnight with them? I wouldn't be able to leave it, you see, I would have to follow him into the bedroom and carry on, cos that's how I roll.

Ashoething Fri 25-Jan-13 17:54:16

He wont go though and i dont have anywhere to go with 3 dcs.honestly he will be sat upstairs muttering about what a lazy bitch i am and how i dont understand how hard he works.he doesnt think he has done a thing wrong and will never change.

SweetSeraphim Fri 25-Jan-13 17:55:15

How can you stand it? If I heard my dp muttering that I was a lazy bitch, I would really lose my temper.

Ashoething Fri 25-Jan-13 17:56:50

I would love nothing more than to carry on screaming at him but not fair on kids.i just apologised to them for shouting.no i dont have anywhere to go.estranged from mum n sister and my friends dont have room for me and dcs.

Ashoething Fri 25-Jan-13 17:58:30

Its his standard reply every.time we row.he also loves to point out how every other women in the world works and i am the only sahm he knows.stick to beat me with you see.i

WorkingMummyof1 Fri 25-Jan-13 17:59:59

wineandroses - so true!

DontmindifIdo Fri 25-Jan-13 18:00:40

So he has always been like this?

Really, something has to give.

Personally, I'd start updating my CV and vow to get a job so he can stop the "I work and you don't" shit. Then if you do decide you've had enough, you at least have your own income.

DontmindifIdo Fri 25-Jan-13 18:03:00

Sorry, x posted re his SAHM views - I did'nt mean to join in that. I would suggest you do look for a job though, he thinks it's what he wants but when things have calmed down you could say "I'm thinking of looking for a job, but that will mean you will have to start doing 50% of housework and cooking and either drop off or pick up for childcare, are you prepared to reduce your lifestyle and give up some of your free time?"

SweetSeraphim Fri 25-Jan-13 18:03:16

Yes I agree with Dontmind

Your situation sounds intolerable. It never ceases to amaze me how many women are treated like this. Tell him to shape up or GTFO. He's not your boss, or your dad, ffs.

Ashoething Fri 25-Jan-13 18:04:21

I cant get a job because of the hours he works.childcare would be a nightmare and he cant take time off to cover holidays,sickness etc.when i try and point out these logistics he just ignores me.

BathTangle Fri 25-Jan-13 18:04:59

You may be beyond this, but sometimes for my own self esteem (I am a SAHM) I work out how much it would cost to pay someone to be a 24 hour nanny, cook, housekeeper, PA, chauffeur etc etc, i.e. all the things you do but aren't paid for. You may well find that your job is "worth" quite alot in comparison to your DH's!

In any case - have some wine and thanks

duende Fri 25-Jan-13 18:08:00

This is shocking. I feel really sorry for you OP, well done for standing up for yourself. He sounds like a selfish, entitled, arrogant piece of shit sad

Ashoething Fri 25-Jan-13 18:09:42

He wouldnt do it though.his brother is exactly the same only sil works and still does all of the housework,cooking and diy! So i would be in.the exact.same position but with a fulltime job to do as well! Oh did i.mention that it has to be fulltime mon-fri 9 to 5 work? According to dh mil will watch dcs.yep this will be same mil who has never once offered to do it and wont even babysit so we can have a night out.ha ha ha.

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