Not to go to playground? mil thinks so.

[josparkle]

I have a 14 month old toddler and mil (well, mil to be) thinks i really should be going to toddler groups with my daughter but i don't and don't want to.am i being unreasonable?

Mil says that she needs to socialise more with other children and I need 'mummy friends', her words. I love my mil but the way she goes on about this makes me feel like a bad mum!

We do go to a toddler singing group once a week but she doesn't have any toddler friends as such, when we go to the park or softly it is just me playing with her or other children that happen to be there. She doesn't go to nursery. She's a very joyful wee girl and we do lots of activities and go out and about together everyday.

I have tried a couple of toddler groups but i really have no desire to go back, whereas look forward to singing group. Am i being selfish though and should think of my daughters development and enjoyment, as mil says ?

[josparkle]

Sorry, title should be playgroup, using my mobile, damn autocorrect!

[seeker]

I think it depends why you aren't going - maybe your Mil thinks you are a little bit isolated and is thinking about you rather than your dd?

[Tortoiseonthehalfshell]

No real evidence that a 14 month old benefits from social interaction past their immediate family, as far as I know. I just did it because I'd have gone screaming mad without any adult interaction.

[firesidechat]

When I had my children I had quite a few friends with children the same age, so socialising was not an issue. They are adults now, but a few of those babies are still their friends.

I did try mother and toddler groups, but not really my sort of thing. If I'm honest I hated them. That may be more of a reflection on the quality of the actual group though and not groups in general.

It is good for them to have children the same age to play and mix with, so I can see where you mil is coming from. Maybe worth giving them a try and see how you get on.

[DawnOfTheDee]

Me and DD only do one playgroup regularly. At most we go to 2 a week. She is 12mths.

At this age I think that's fine - I think it's good to get them used to being in an environment that's a bit louder and 'busy' than what she's used to at home. They don't really have 'friends' as such at this age anyway so i wouldn't worry to much.

YANBU

[PandaOnAPushBike]

I never went to playgroup with my daughter as I hated it. I have AS which probably explains why. Instead my Nan used to take her instead. My Nan loved the opportunity to get out and have a good gossip. Maybe you MIL could take your daughter if she's worried about it?

[scottiefi]

I used to take my kids to bounce and rhyme,at the library once a week when they were younger.I didn't take them along to other groups.As you,out and about,soft play etc.I think it's up to you what your comfortable with,and where you and your little one go.In a few months,you may change your mind and have a full weekly calander,and going here there and everywhere!!! But it's your decision,your life/family.

[Scholes34]

Depends on what's on offer in your area. I was exceptionally lucky with toddler groups - enough to fill a whole week with different ones, each with their own atmosphere, all run by local churches and costing next to nothing. I think I certainly got more out of them than any of my children, as I was new to the area. All DCs are at secondary school, but I still have friendships established at the toddler groups.

The groups are a good place to network and to find out what you need to know for your toddler's next stage - playgroups, nursery, school, scouting groups, dance classes, footballing. Your toddler will get some enjoyment from the groups too.

[pictish]

Yanbu...it's a personal choice.

I used to go to groups when mine were tiny tots and I can ascertain that some groups suck, while you might be lucky to find one that you like. I did, and it was invaluable for us, but it's hardly compulsory!

Could you mil be concerned that you seem isolated at all? I can't imagine there's any malice behind her interference.

[fuzzpig]

I hated it - I kept trying because that's what all the advice says especially if you have PND. But they just made me feel worse as I saw all the other mums being friendly and I just felt so... different.

Fast forward a few years and I still hate being at the school playground because I don't fit in, but my DCs haven't suffered for it, they are very social.

I am pretty sure I have AS as well - am in the process of possible dx - I wish I'd known this earlier as I wouldn't have put so much pressure on myself.

What you're doing sounds fine, it's your choice, but I'm sure MIL is just trying to help.

[NaturalBaby]

Is it really any of your MIL's business, to be blunt?
I took ds1 to toddler groups and tried my best to socialise for his benefit but he didn't really have any proper friends till he started nursery at 3yrs old.

If you and your dd are happy then carry on doing what you're doing! Children are quite selfish at this age, they don't really 'need' friends. Ds1 started to get really interested in other kids and started making an effort to talk to them around 2yrs old.