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To want people to stop mentioning my weightloss?

(46 Posts)

I lost 5 1/2 st from November to July last year and have maintained since then. I have been overweight all my life so I can see it was a shock to a lot of people I know but everyone is still mentioning it all the time!

I love that I can wear mostly what I want but I lost weight to be healthier not thinner iyswim but its like no one else can think of anything else to say to me. I get comments like you're wasting away, have you lost EVEN more weight etc all the time but someone said the other day if we stopped eating cake we'd all look like you and it really got to me. I still eat cake and other stuff I'm just more careful and I am still the same person. Thought after 6 months it wouldn't be such a big deal as I'm very happy blending into the background!

frogspoon Wed 23-Jan-13 23:48:58

They are clearly just jealous!

YANBU, it must be very annoying to have people making comments where they are not wanted/needed.

timidviper Wed 23-Jan-13 23:52:33

I don't know what the solution is but just wanted to sympathise. I am very overweight but trying to lose and don't tell anyone about how I eat or exercise because I get sick of them commenting. Sometimes it is intended as encouragement, sometimes I'm not so sure but it is always a pain in the arse.

SoleSource England Wed 23-Jan-13 23:53:04

Yanbu

I wish people wpuldstop being so thick to, asking me how the fuck.I.lost the weight. Ate less,.moved more... Well ok not.thick just gets me angry.

Have you had a gastric? is another..

We cannot.hide our success and I absolutely loathe the compliments.. Its just vile. I do not expect or want them

mummymeister Wed 23-Jan-13 23:59:17

people comment because they think they are being helpful and supportive to you. they want to show that they have noticed that you have changed. in the same way that people would comment if you had a different hair style/colour each time they saw you. over time they will come to realise that the current you minus 5.5 stone is the real you and they will stop commenting i am certain. dont get cross about it, just shrug - todays newspaper, tomorrows chip paper if you see what i mean.

SoleSource England Thu 24-Jan-13 00:00:45

my eating disorder therapist advised to completly.ignore the comments. It is my.body,my choice. Why.should people feel it is ok to commmebt on my.appeatence? Its too.perspnal. My.mental issues do not appreciate my eating disorder beibg flagged up. I want to forget. If I was an anarexic I would be treated with respect..

solittletimeandsomuchtodo Thu 24-Jan-13 00:01:46

I agree I think you should be proud and not to let it bother you. Six months on well done for maintaining.
People probably are super jealous you sound like its clicked for you smile

LanaDelRain Thu 24-Jan-13 00:02:44

I lost weight and was still at the top end of my BMI and got told not to lose anymore and that I looked ill and anorexic.

This was said by good friends too.

SoleSource England Thu 24-Jan-13 00:03:19

Disrespectful to comment.

Magicmayhem Thu 24-Jan-13 00:07:42

well done cinnamongreyhound for loosing weight... I will just say that a friend of mine lost 3 stone recently and she looks fabulous... but still wants to loose another stone. I think we get caught up with charts to tell us our ideal weight but they're not necessarily right for everyone... My friend does look older as she's lost a lot of weight from her face but another stone could make her look really drawn... I guess what I'm trying to say is that just listen to them, take it on board, are they trying to tell you that you've lost to much and look older/drawn? ask a good friend what she thinks... and if she says you look great.. then their definately Jealous

oh and by the way... welcome to the slim club where everyone thinks they can comment on your weight...

TuftyFinch Thu 24-Jan-13 00:17:34

Sole if you were an anorexic you wouldn't necessarily be afforded any more respect.

SoleSource England Thu 24-Jan-13 00:19:26

More help and sympathy, it appears..

MsVestibule Thu 24-Jan-13 00:26:01

I really can see why this pisses you off, but they are just trying be complimentary! Can you try a jokey "I lost the weight over six months ago, can't you find anything else to talk to me about?!"

And solesource I disagree with your comment about anorexic people being treated with respect; how often do you think they hear comments like "You're just too skinny" and "Why don't you eat some pies?". If I've met somebody who's lost a lot of weight, I might ask them how they did it, meaning did they do SW, WW, Lighter Life etc. I'm not thick, maybe a bit nosey wink.

Can anybody on this thread who has been offended by/is fed up with these comments give a cast iron guarantee that they have never asked an inappropriate question to anybody?

GwennieF Thu 24-Jan-13 00:33:07

Well done on the weightloss!

I might be way off here, but I think people think they are free to make far more comment about your weight if you are slim. Being overweight is seen as a 'bad' thing so people don't mention it as often for fear of being insulting. But if you are skinny people comment freely on your diet and weight because as you're not fat - how could it be hurtful to comment...?

Does that make sense?

WorraLiberty England Thu 24-Jan-13 00:37:44

Fuck me I got to the age of 33 with people thinking it was fine to call me a 'skinny bitch' in public because apparently that was a compliment?!?

OP, when people mention your loss I'm sure it'll mostly be in a congratulatory manner.

When people say, "We could all look like you if we stopped eating cake", just shrug because it's neither here nor there to you what they eat is it?

And when people tell you to stop losing weight, their concern can often be misguided but not necessarily fake.

I was saying on here the other week that I picked up a magazine with a photo of a woman who looked 'chubby' to me.

But upon reading the story, it turned out she'd lost something like 10 stone.

Now to me (having never laid eyes on her before) she did look chubby...but to those who knew her as 10 stone heavier...she must have looked decidedly thin.

So sometimes it's more about how people have always been used to seeing you, rather than how thin you actually are...that makes them 'concerned'.

As long as you know you're losing in a healthy way and are happy, just smile and nod.

Thank you all for your comments its good to know I'm not just grumpy!

I have a friend who is very slim and she has always said people feel free to comment in her size where they wouldn't if she were bigger.

I have a small, athletic frame which I have kept well hidden so I don't think I'm too thin just smaller than people thought! I've actually had people say I look younger so don't think it's a warning. I also think people who ask how you did it are genuinely interested as they know its possible or they simply want you to say I sat in front of the tv eating cake and it just fell off wink.

Cortana Thu 24-Jan-13 00:39:49

Well done on your weightloss. Ignore, ignore and ignore. It is your body, you've done what was right for you and everyone should wind their necks in IMHO.

"If I was an anarexic I would be treated with respect.." Not true, attitudes are often dismissive towards the disease and the help isn't easy to get. Just like with being at the other end of the spectrum, two sides of the same coin. Both eating disorders, both difficult to deal with, both greatly misunderstood.

Agreed Gwennie.

SoleSource England Thu 24-Jan-13 00:49:51

I would never comment on another persons size. I would never compliment o an anarexic person on their weight gain. That would be disrespectful.

Just ignore the comments, people will get bored eventually.

Sole And an anorexic wouldn't get more sympathy, you would get all the comments you've had about how great you look, how you done it etc then you would start getting them to put the weight on. Horrible and confusing and doesn't help the person with the illness and decent help is really hard to get.

FergusSingsTheBlues Thu 24-Jan-13 01:36:52

Its an enormous achievement! Thats why people go on....and trust me, they shut up after a bit.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Thu 24-Jan-13 02:36:20

I'd like you to say you ate cake in front of the TV and it all fell off grin

I have to say, I don't understand. If I lost 5.5 stone (and I do have it to lose) I'd be thrilled if everyone kept telling me how good I looked and I don't think I'd ever get fed up of it smile

Of course you can rant on here - that's no problem at all, but the only way to stop being upset/annoyed/angry about this is to look at why you feel the way you do. Why exactly does it bother you?

Maybe you could try saying things like 'Yeah, I know how fabulous I look, but if everyone keeps on about it, my head wont fit through the doorway - best people stop I think!!' OR 'I really appreciate that people noticed and it's lovely to know people are pleased for me, but I'd like to put it behind me now, this is the new 'me' and I'd like to just get on with it - do you have any idea how I can make people see that it drags me down when people keep mentioning it??'

manicinsomniac Brazil Thu 24-Jan-13 07:45:58

Hmmm, I'm anorexic and it's quite rare for me to get offensive comments. Usually people just keep quiet. And , in general, I think they are pretty sympathetic (as shown by them keeping quiet I guess). Close friends and family are a bit trickier but there's still nothing offensive in anything they might say, just concern. So I think sole has a point.

And OP, I'm sure most people areoun you just want you to feel good. I agonise over whether to tell large people that I've noticed they've lose weight and I think most actually want that validation and to know that their efforts have paid off.

And are you sure you didn't lose the weight to be thinner as well as healthy? Just a small part of you? I can't imagine that you don't feel good when you look at yourself and see the new, small, athletic frame.

TheFallenNinja Thu 24-Jan-13 07:53:36

I lost a fair slug of weight last year and some of my Lear favourite comments were

Your wasting away
You don't want to lose too much
I like a bit of weight on a man
Do overdo it

Now, my judgy y fronts resent these comments and I only saw them as designed to hold me back from my goals, however, I quickly realised that when people have nothing to say, they reach for throwaway comments.

smile

CloudsAndTrees Thu 24-Jan-13 07:54:03

People comment on it because weight is an issue for so many people. If their own weight didn't matter to them, whether they were big, small or whatever, then they wouldn't say anything.

I think you are right that people often want to know how you did it, because let's face it, a huge number of people would love to find a way to be at their ideal weight without having to make too much effort. They are hoping you are going to tell them some magical secret that they can use for themselves. They are probably also pleased for you a lot of the time and just want to say 'well done' because losing weight, and then keeping it off, is hard!

redexpat Thu 24-Jan-13 08:04:48

YANBU. I'm slim. No one EVER mentioned it at school. Since then its seemed to be all anyone can talk about. It has really got me down, so I think I have some idea how you feel. I find people who talk about it really dull, and ultimately it's none of their business.

I think your attitude is bloody marvellous OP.

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