If you're not actually going to take the bin out

[1991all]

Then don't fucking tie it up, just leave it alone
It doesn't help, in fact, it's really annoying as I can't even put an extra apple core in there

And if you are going to put the dishwasher on, then put the bowls and plates that are in the sink in there too
There is room
It doesn't help, it means I can't empty the dishwasher at my leisure, I have to empty it to put more dirty dishes in, that could've been included in that wash

AIBU, or moaning?
Or ungrateful?

[purrpurr]

Ungrateful? Oh right, because mundane, repetitive, dirty, smelly, necessary household chores are primarily the concern and sole responsibility of the one (or ones) with ovaries. Yah, you're like totally ungrateful.

[MsVestibule]

YANBU! I started a thread a while ago about my DH. I put some washing on but knew I would be out when it finished so asked him to take the washing out of the machine. He did this. Just this. When I came home to find a load of wet washing sat in the basket rather than on the dryer, I was very !

Let's face it, housework is not that difficult; I don't see the point in doing half a job, when to do the other half would normally take a maximum of another few minutes.

[chocoluvva]

"AIBU, or moaning?
Or ungrateful?"

You appear to be referring to my DH!

FWIW, I don't mention the dishes left out of the dishwasher or the glasses left on the table, but it's really irritating.

How's your 'assistant' with wiping down surfaces? (Mine does this occasionally with almost dry kitchen roll.)

[chocoluvva]

Indeed, MsVestibule!

Why put a huge clump of wet washing on the radiator? One miniscule part will dry while the bit in the middle will go smelly thus requiring the whole lot to be washed again. Therefore the above-mentioned action is worse than useless..........

Ooooh

[poshfrock]

I think we are all married to the same DH. I asked mine to "do some washing" when he was off and I was at work. He did just that. He took the wet washing out of the machine and put it on the top ( not in the dryer) and put dirty washing in and washed it.
So when I came home I found:
a) dryer with dry washing in that I had put in before going to work
b) wet washing on top of machine that I had also put in before work
c) wet washing in machine that DH had washed.

So then I was left with sorting and folding dry washing and having to dry 2 loads of wet which also then had to be sorted and folded.
I had to explain that "doing the washing" means taking it from dirty to clean, then folded and put away.
I was

Apparently if I want him to do more than this I have to write it down ( like I don't have enough to do in the morning before work). I asked him whether his boss at work had to write him a list of what to do every morning and then if it wasn't done just finish it off himself ? Thought not.

[InLoveWithDavidTennant]

its threads like this that make me really appreciate my dh. he was pretty useless when we moved in together, he's not perfect, but he's so much better now

he used to do the washing thing too... or if i was away (or ill) for a week i would come back to all his washing. he once rang me up and complained about not having any clean trousers, like it was my fault. i was so and that he hasnt done that again!

[DevaDiva]

My DH is pretty good tbf BUT why should I need to ask/tell him when I want him to do something?

Noone ever asks/tells me to: do the weeks meal planner, write the shopping list, put a wash on, hoover, clean the bathroom.... you get the point.

Yes DH does it without any complaint it's just the fact that I have to ask that really grinds my gears.

[Lancelottie]

Oh dear.

I think I need someone to write me that list.

Both of us get halfway through a task and forget the other half. DH is long-term somewhat unwell, I'm just a bit crap, and heaven knows what we're teaching the kids between us. Hoping one of them will rebel big-time against the permanent state of modest chaos and become a neat freak.

[PartTimeModel]

If you aren't going to wash up, don't fill the sink with water and walk away and leave it.

The washing machine is not the dirty clothes basket. If you aren't going to actually do a load, don't fill it with clothes (ESP not a mix of whites, blacks and knits). Grrrrrrr.

[1991all]

and don't wake me up at 5am to say goodbye

[Cortana]

"and don't wake me up at 5am to say goodbye"

Good lord LTB!

[stillfeel18inside]

oh my god I'm married to this man too! Some things my DH does to "help":

• half-fill dirty saucepans with water as a "stage 1" in the washing process (I get to do stage 2!)
  
• fill the dishwasher but not put it on
  
• put empty milk cartons back in the fridge
  

Grrr, I need to train him properly

[1991all]

oh and another one
I leave the recycling on the side to be taken out, and he just puts it in the bin
which means the bin gets fuller quicker
He knows it's recycling, he knows

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

My DH leaves for work at 4:30am.

If he woke me up to say goodbye he wouldn't be getting back in.

[crazy8]

Putting empty cartons back in the fridge. Tick
Leaving socks for the sock fairy to put in the basket. Tick
Leaving the fridge door open while he pours a drink. Tick
Wiping oiled splattered hob with dry kitchen roll. Tick
Putting half empty beer cans in fridge so they fall and spill. Tick
Forgetting to empty the dishwasher. Tick
Thinking there is a pit at the bottom of the bin and never emptying it. Tick

[Crinkle77]

With men you need to train them right from the word go. They also tend to take what you say very literally. So if you say take the washing out the machine they will do just that. It is a pain but you do need to explain exactly what you want them to do. My pet hate is when my boyfriend opens the fridge or the cupboard and goes where is such and such... Well open your bloody eyes and look. Move things about then you might find it. Why do you expect me to tell you where it is?

[poshfrock]

Deva my point exactly !

He always says " If you leave me a list I'll do it." But why the need for a list. Just look around the house.
If the washing basket is full - put a load on.
If the bin is full - empty it.
If the recycling is by the back door - take it out.

Every week I meal plan and do a shopping list and then shop. He'll say - make me a list and I'll do the shopping. But the meal planning and making the list is the longest ( and for me the most tedious) bit of the job. I actually quite like the shopping because I get an hour or so out of the house by myself. I like browsing the shelves, seeing what's new and bagging a bargain. I would so love to come home from work and find a meal plan and shopping list all done and ready for me. On the odd occasion he's done a list he only puts the things that relate directly to the meal plan , so forgets stuff like foil, toothpaste, bin bags, toilet rolls etc etc. Waste of time.
And he wakes me up at 5am to "say goodbye" or "let you know what the weather's like".

[StitchAteMySleep]

Oh and clearing the table means just piling up the plates with left over food on in the kitchen.

Scrape off the food and wipe the table, that is part of clearing the table.

[MeinHerzBrennt]

My dh is very helpful. For example when the bin is full, instead of emptying it he will put his rubbish in a carrier bag and leave that on the floor in front of the bin. Twat.

[nokidshere]

Thankfully my DH does none of those things. He is remarkably domesticated and much more likely to be washing, sorting rubbish (he is obsessed with recycling), and doing other household chores than me :)

[chocoluvva]

Asking for a list is an attempt to be cunning IMO.

DH can then claim I asked him to do x,y,z and he is so nice and obliging that he did them and I should be grateful.

Often anyone over the age of 1 could see the things that need doing in this house!

[Locketjuice]

I'm glad this really pisses others off too!
And saying he will do the kitchen..so I go off to bath/bottle/bed baby to come down to washing up nearly put by the sink and anything on the sides stashed randomly in cupboards and a pile of sweeping up left in the middle of the floor... Just why it would have taken an extra 3 minutes to just have done it properly and no lt spent so long making the mess look prettier!

[spiritedaway]

I just discovered i am in a relationship with a man who can not peel a potato but he is willing to learn. Can he be trained up if he shows willing? Is a gentle approach best or total derision?

[ToriaPumpkin]

DH once called me when I was away for a week and asked "Do you know how long it takes the get a load of washing clean and dry?" Why yes, yes I do.

Fortunately since then he has learned most things and even does the dusting and vacuuming of his own volition while I'm out on a Monday night.

He still occasionally asks me if he has any clean pants just as I'm dropping off to sleep because he hasn't thought to look through the basket of clean washing...

[chocoluvva]

I take your point, spiritedaway, lack of domestic skills is hardly the crime of the century, but not being willing is the problem here - one you happily don't seem to have with your man.

In some cases the unwillingness is down to laziness.
Sometimes it's a refusal to accept any responosibility for the running of the household. Whatever the reason for that is - it's not likely to be one most people would have sympathy for.