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AIBU?

To think this was not an unreasonable request...

50 replies

storminabuttercup · 21/01/2013 21:50

My mum and younger sister have found it funny over the last few weeks to teach DS to say 'shit'. I don't find it funny in the slightest. We weren't brought up to swear (i do, like a trooper but never in front of DS) anyway I've asked them repeatedly not to do it, said I don't want it etc etc.

Tonight DS was jumping around saying 'shit' he was obviously doing it to get attention, I was busy in the kitchen while DP was messing about in there too. DP stopped and said 'who has taught him that?' I said to ignore it as he was trying to get a reaction.

Now here I was being UR as I didn't say I knew where it came from but I've had so many issues with DPs family that I just thought it wasn't worth it. Wrong but easy.

Anyway mum is supposed to have DS tomorrow so I just texted to say that DP has now heard DS saying it and could they please stop it as DP was angry and I don't like it either.

The reply was 'he needs to get a grip'
To which I said no, not really it shouldn't be happening. I pointed out that if it had come from his family she'd be telling to keep him away.
To which she replied that heaven forbid his perfect family did that.
Which is crazy as I have nothing to do with them.

My second mistake was to text this conversation.

But really? Was I so wrong to ask?

This thread makes us sound so rough, really we aren't! I don't know why they do this!!

OP posts:

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babiesinslingsgetcoveredinfood · 21/01/2013 21:53

YANBU to be annoyed. You've acknowledged shortcomings in how you deal with it. Your mum & sister sound unpleasant. I was going to ask ds age, but decided it is irrelevant. They sound immature & pathetic.

storminabuttercup · 21/01/2013 21:57

Yeah I did mess up. I hate confrontation but I think I need to bite the bullet on this one. I ALWAYS end up looking like the unreasonable one.

OP posts:

manicbmc · 21/01/2013 21:57

I wouldn't let them anywhere near a child with that attitude.

YANBU

mamababa · 21/01/2013 21:59

No, yanbu. Teaching a child to swear I'd wrong on all levels. We can all swear, sometimes it happens in front of kids that's life. But encouraging and teaching?! This is very immature behaviour and I would not be taking my child to my mums. Fundamentally you have to questions her values.

katiecubs · 21/01/2013 22:01

Who on earth thinks that is ok?! seriously i wouldn't let my family anywhere near him.

MarilynValentine · 21/01/2013 22:01

YANBU. Idiots.

storminabuttercup · 21/01/2013 22:05

Thank you.

I expected a slating for how I dealt with it.

Now I need to work out how I do deal with it. It's vile.

OP posts:

spatchcock · 21/01/2013 22:12

Very out of order. I wouldn't send DS over tomorrow if it was me.

And if he goes to nursery/kindy etc, give them your mum's phone number so they can complain to her when he starts cussing the other kids!

deleted203 · 21/01/2013 22:12

I would cut contact with my mother and sister, personally. You've told them not to teach your DS to swear - and they have refused to respect your wishes. Will they be teaching him to say 'fuck' next and thinking it's a laugh? I would text saying that if they cannot agree to respect your wishes that you will be stopping them having any contact with DS. It's fundamentally so disrespectful to you and your DH that I wouldn't want anything to do with them. And it's an appalling thing to do to a child - what if they think it's funny to let him have a swig of alcohol, or a puff of a fag next? I'm assuming he is toddler aged, but they sound completely vile.

SallyCinnamonandNutmeg · 21/01/2013 22:15

YANBU - can't imagine why anyone would think it amusing or appropriate to teach a child to swear!!
But rather than discussing by text I think you really need to actually speak to your mum and sister about this face to face, or at least on the phone, to explain your views clearly.

PureQuintessence · 21/01/2013 22:15

They are not doing your ds any favours, when other parents hear him say "shit" this will be enough for them to refuse playdates with him, branding your child a "Bad Influence".

Your mum and sister are Bad Influences, I would not let any child of mine "play" with them.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 21/01/2013 22:17

I wouldn't let either of them have DS on their own until they came to you and admitted they made a dreadful mistake and realised how fucking immature and ridiculous they have been. I just can't get my head around it. Like you say, it makes them sound rough, very rough to do it on purpose and think it funny.

PureQuintessence · 21/01/2013 22:18

I should add, one of my neighbours in Norway, a British man I hasten to add, enjoyed teaching his son English swear words, for fun. So this little boy has been saying "Fuck" and "Fuck off", "Piss off" and "eff off" and "you fucking gaylord" and, well you get the gist since he was 6 years old. It is not cool.
Norwegians dont really care, to be honest, English swear words dont sound so bad when you dont master the language. But it was enough to get my dh and our sons to go . We have our judgypants hoisted up to our chins regards that family because of this.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 21/01/2013 22:19

How old is your son? They ABVU. Its disgusting!

storminabuttercup · 21/01/2013 22:22

And the thought that people would think badly of me angers me so much.

My DM seems to have an agenda at the min, she constantly undermines me and pulls DP up (to me) on any little thing. (DP is far from perfect but he is a good dad, just sometimes he doesn't think, we're working on that too)

The whole thing has me on edge.

OP posts:

storminabuttercup · 21/01/2013 22:23

Puds, he is two.

OP posts:

DeafLeopard · 21/01/2013 22:24

YANBU but they are. And they are childish

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 21/01/2013 22:25

Why would they even think that is funny? I just don't get it. I can understand accidentally swearing in front of a child and them repeating it, but teaching it to them? Thats just bizarre!

I would find child care else where Storm

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 21/01/2013 22:26

Your mother sounds toxic.

CremeEggThief · 21/01/2013 22:26

YANBU. This is very immature and disrespectful to you and your parenting choices too. It reflects badly on both of them. That said, I think cutting contact with them completely sounds drastic.

maddening · 21/01/2013 22:36

Especially as your mum brought you up not to swear - makes her a tad hypocritical.

My mum was constantly saying ds should have more chocolate - as if I was a mean mum not to do so - I pointed out that she didn't give us sweets as children so why would she think I should give my ds lots of sweets when he doesn't need them - and also it's nice he can get treats at nana's. It was only pointing out the hypocrisy that worked in the end as I had tried different arguments to no avail.

PureQuintessence · 21/01/2013 23:07

How can she expect you not to be mad? Considering she brought you up not to swear? Why not extend the same to your son?

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DoJo · 22/01/2013 00:06

Do you rely on either of these people for childcare? If not, then I would suggest that you tell them that if they can't respect your request then you aren't comfortable leaving him with them. This may well bring everything to a head which would mean that your OH finds out that it was them who taught your son to say it, but it sounds like you could do with his support if you are going to tackle the issue head-on. Personally, I think that you should come clean to him either way - he is the family you have chosen and you don't want to put yourself in the wrong by defending your family when they have blatantly disregarded your requests and your feelings like this.

Viviennemary · 22/01/2013 00:13

YANBU. If your sister is very young at least she has an excuse for being immature but your Mum should know better. I would threaten to cut contact till they saw sense.

Pandemoniaa · 22/01/2013 00:24

I'm amazed that they find this funny. Would your dm have liked her mother to teach you to swear? Somehow I doubt it. I dont think you are BU to ask that they stop this game either. Also, it has nothing to do with your DP's family so I can't see why your dm brought this up.

I'm in a similar situation so far as language is concerned because I'm a grandmother to a 2 year old. However, we are scrupulously careful about the language used in front of my dgd because she picks up any new words immediately. It honestly isn't amusing to hear a child of this age swear and I'm absolutely astonished that any grandparent would think it appropriate to encourage swearing.

If your dm isn't prepared to be responsible and accept that you don't want your ds picking up bad language then it might well be that she doesn't see him unsupervised. But how sad that she can't accept how inappropriately she's behaving over this.

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