Hi everyone, I know it makes no sense to get angry with a 3 months old just because he doesn't want to "enough" milk as I deem he should. My brain understand 100% why it's a joke and why it is extremely unnecessary. I love him and I wouldn't really be angry with him. But at that moment, I just couldn't control myself and almost jumped over the roof.
DS is a relatively little boy since he was breastfed. I attributed that to my low-quality milk and was eventually obliged to stop bf and use formula only. Comparing with other babies in the clinic or in post-natal group, his size just couldn't compare with anyone else. His weight falls into 9th percentile. Therefore, I have been always concerned if he could catch up and worried otherwise he might be bullied in the school and ect.
He didn't have a lot yesterday, about 810ml. Fair enough, as he didn't burp well and the gas in his system made him uncomfortable to have enough. But today, each time after I prepared the bottle with full hope that he could finish it (about 190-200), he would lose his interest after having finished less than a half and then the rest just became frustrating and tiring. In the end, I just had to give up. It happened at the 2nd, and the 3rd time of feeding of the day already. I was hoping the 4th time it could get better as his hunger might be built up and therefore have a bit more. But not really... I constantly tried this and that, all the tricks I could think about and burp him till my both arms so sore that I could barely raise them up. Nothing worked. He didn't seem to be upset by the wind this time and just didn't want! I know, I swear that I understand that baby's appetite can differ one day to the other. But after he happened to brush the bottle on to the floor using his arm in an intention to get away from the bottle, I became really angry. I couldn't help myself and I picked the bottle up and knocked it on the table hard, very hard. Once, twice, again and again. I know, I know I shouldn't feel like that, it really isn't necessary and I was over-reacting. But I just couldn't stop feeling the frustration, the worry and the anger.
I put him on the sofa and stepped back sitting in the chair on the other side of the room and felt hopeless to calm down myself or put my emotion aligned with the rational part of my brain. I knew it's dangerous to put him alone on the sofa, but I just couldn't face him. I could only manage to look at him from a distance otherwise I would feel suffocated...
As I said, I love him and I am perfectly aware that child's appetite would wary everyday and as my husband said DS wouldn't eat normally all the time until he's an adult someday. I can't understand if it is because I am (going to be) a controlling mum or it's just because I am simply overworried.
Did any of you experience the same or similar feeling? Or maybe anyone could help me understand what's wrong with me? I am a bit afraid that when he's older, I would make him and myself really unhappy just because of silly little things for which he wouldn't follow the way I want him to follow...
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Am I going to be a controlling mum? - Help me understand myself please!
42 replies
whosthis · 21/01/2013 21:06
OP posts:
TheSecondComing ·
21/01/2013 21:10
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