To tell them to find their own way to the airport in a foreign country(591 Posts)
First of all, sorry, long story and first world problem.
DH, DCs and i live abroad for DH's job. We live in a rented house close to DH's work as it is not really easy for foreigners to buy property where he works. I miss England and our lovely home there, so last year DH bought me a Ski Chalet as a birthday present / thank you for leaving your family and job in England to follow me around the world, present. He insisted it was my chalet, i could decorate it how i wanted etc, do what i wanted with it.
The chalet is in a fabulous ski resort and to me it is very much our home. We spend most weekends there, we do not rent it out as a holiday chalet.
Last year MIL asked whether HSIL and her uni flat mates could visit for a weeks snowboarding holiday. I was reluctant to agree. DH's does not really know his HSis and when she has visited us in other homes she has been very messy (straightens hair over sink leaving behind lots of hair etc etc) and she never helps out at all. Reluctantly i agreed, MIL insisted her friends were nice and they would help out and babysit DCs in exchange for free board.
HSIL and her friends booked plane tickets which meant they landed late at night with no way of getting to the chalet so DH drove a 6 hour round trip to collect them from the airport.
They have been here all week and as i guessed, have been hard work. They have done nothing to help out around the house, not bothered to help with dinner or clean away afterwards, not helped with DCs or bothed to even buy me a bunch if flowers or some chocs to say thank you for having them. We all eat together but they talk amongst themselves and make little conversation.
On Wednesday DH was called back to work with a crisis, leaving DCs, myself and HSIL and her friends. Since then they have been worse, going out at night and getting drunk and returning at 2/3am and waking DCs and i with their noise. Last night things worsened. DCs and i were woken at 3am, i could hear male voices and smelt cigarette smoke. Our house is strictly non smoking, especially as we have a baby. I went into the lounge and interrupted the party. I asked the young men to stop smoking in my home and to please leave as i didn't know who they were. The young men were local lads and were very apologetic for smoking and waking us and explained they didn't know it was a private home. As they left one of HSIL's friends, under her breath, called me a snotty cow. I turned around and politely challeneged her on her comment. She repeated it and called me an old hag too (34 BTW, she is 20).
I went back to bed fuming and in tears. This morning i woke them all up at 8.00am. They are due to fly back home tonight and i assume were expecting DH or me to take them to the airport. I explained that because DH was not here and because we had had a lot of snow lately and the minibus was snowed in, they could make their own way back to the airport via public transport. I was not driving them 6 hours round trip. They had 12 hours to get back to the airport themselves. The journey is a bus and two train rides and takes a total of 3.5 / 4 hours. An hour later i heard the door bang and went to their rooms. They have left and take all their stuff. They have not said good bye. The room where the two girls were sleeping has been trashed. Make up; lipstick, foundation and other stuff has been smeared into my beautiful new White Company bed sheets. It doesn't look like an accident as it is on all the pillows, duvet and sheet.
I phoned DH at work and told him what had happened. It was a broken line and DH was v. busy at work so i know he wasn't really aware of the whole story as it was hardto talk. But he questioned whether i had checked they had money to get to the airport and whether the trains were running. I hadn't. I have checked since and the trains are running. But have i done the right thing? AIBU?
Marking place. Many of us need HSiL to get her just desserts. MiL needs a slap though, she clearly thinks HSiL did nothing wrong.
It's only going to be next weekend, isn't it?
(note to self, check for updates)
oh and I can spell subtly... just my phone that can't
I say OP that you are open, honest and refuse to pull punches. TAKE the photos with you and leave them with MIL for her to SEE what her DD did to your home.
THAT is the reason that you will never again entertain guests.
except nice ones that YOU want to spend time with
You shooting down her showing off to her BOYF ought to RAM it home, good and proper!
Packing my bags, we fly off tomorrow. Will be back on Monday with an update. I have photos of damage on my ipad to show MIL when appropriate. Booked a hotel rather than stay with MIL, i don't want to ask her for hospitality as will feel less able to shoot her down when the time comes for showdown.
Also intrigued by new boyfriend, SIL said MIL met him on the internet and told me to "make sure DH reserves his judgement until he gets to know him". Potential loon then?
Oooh, the mind boggles! Toyboy, maybe?
Hope it all goes well OP. I take it there's been no sign of an apology from SIL?
Hope your MIL was suitably aghast at the photos of the damage EspressoMonkey and tore strips off SIL.
Am thinking new boyfriend is a hippy...
This sounds very promising, waiting for the update agog.
Another one waiting for an update ESP about the new bf as he sounds interesting.
I wish I had seen this update before the weekend visit, as I would have suggested printing out the pictures of the damage into billboard size and wallpapering SILs room with them - or actually hiring billboards by their house!
Or you could have printed the photos not a jigsaw and left her a 'gift' to put together...
Or printed them onto a canvas bag, to use whenever you go shopping....
<warms to insane theme>
"HSIL is very distressed, she has fallen out with her friends over the ending of the holiday. Friend X has been very mean to her. MIL is very worried about poor HSIL."
While HSIL and friends have undoubtably acted appallingly, you do have a future relationship with HSIL to worry about, and I think there is a glimmer of hope here.
It certainly sounds like friend X may be the cause of a good deal of the trouble, and if HSIL has fallen out with her it may be because she was sticking up for you. Of course she shouldn't have allowed it to happen, but she is young and perhaps didn't know how to stand up to her friend or the unfolding situation.
It may be the case that she's learnt a valuable lesson about who to trust and feels ashamed. Well you'd hope so anyway.
In your shoes although I'd be absolutely livid, I'd hope that there was a way to reconcile with HSIL longterm, once she's able to be grown up and apologetic about it.
FWIW, I think what I'm trying to say is that in any communication with her, it would be a good idea to leave a door open for her to make amends. It would be a shame if this incident ruined your DH's relationship with his HSis forever if the truth of the matter is that she's got in with some bad company and is going through a late self-absorbed teenager stage but will ultimately grow out of it. (I'm not saying to let her off the hook here! Just to be mindful of not completely burning bridges).
Hope your trip to the UK went well
Oh where do i start?
Did not see HSIL. We arrived in MIL's home town Thursday and left Sunday, HSIL was at Uni (approx an hour away) and did not show her face the whole time we were there. She knew we would be there but was apparently "studying hard".
I raised the whole incident which took place at our chalet with MIL, her words were "oh sorry about all that, oh well never mind!" I responded that i thought the damage to the bedding was deliberate and MIL's response was "most likely, that X is a right little madam, she has caused HSIL no end of trouble. The sooner they end that friendship the better".
And then the conversation ended.
On a totally different topic; MIL's new boyfriend.
He is called Barry (name changed but for the purpose if this post felt he needed a name) and his son is called Barry too. Arrived at MIL's house to meet him and his son for a lunch on Saturday. DC2 was asleep in the car when we arrived so i let DH go in first and waited in the car until the dogs calmed down so they didn't wake DC2.
As i entered the lounge i was introduced to Barry. Barry is early 30s. Barry is Barry's son, or so i thought. MIL mentioned that Barry had dozed off in the conservatory and we should all sit down to eat lunch and Barry would join us when he woke. I then imagined Barry was a mature gentleman (falling asleep mid morning).
Midway through lunch, still no sign of Barry, i hear a cry. Did not sound like DC2 but i gave it little thought and went to check on her sleeping in the lounge next door. DC2 was fast asleep. A moment later Barry appeared in the lounge and mentioned he was just checking on Barry, asleep in the conservatory next door. I thought "about time", lunch is almost over. Barry reappeared and announced that Barry was still asleep and retreated to the kitchen.
Being nosey i decided to sneak a peak at Barry in the conservatory. Barry was asleep in his moses basket. Barry was a baby and not a mature gentleman. The cry was from baby Barry and not DC2. Which meant that early thirties Barry was MIL's new boyfriend? And baby Barry was his son? Unless there was a grandson who had not been mentioned.
I returned to the kitchen and the lunch v. confused. What did DH think? Had he wrongly assumed the situation, just as i had? I was in the car with DC2 when DH entered the house and the introductions were made. I was dying to get DH alone but the opportunity didn't arise. I sat there for a painful hour dying to clarify the situation but DH i didn't get a chance alone with DH.
DC2 woke, lunch finished and we left to meet DH's old friend for coffee and a playdate.
I explained the situation to DH in the car and it transpired he had made the wrong assumption, just like me.
DH pulled the car over and telephoned MIL for clarification. "Mum, the Barry we had lunch with, is he your boyfriend or your boyfriend's son, because you didn't make it very clear". MIL confirmed he was her boyfriend, he is early thirties, his son is under 1. Mother of baby Barry is Barry's old girlfriend, who incidently was in the same class at school with DH.
DH has yet to comment on the situation. When i asked him how he felt about it he said he was struggling to find the words. I boldly said i thought that MIL had been a bit deceitful. He acknowledged for the first time in our relationship that MIL "has always tried to pull the wool over peoples eyes".
Keep updating Espresso, this is like the best soap opera ever.
Wow just wow. Not surprised about no show sil or mil brushing it off but am and about mil and Barry (part of methinks good on her).
The bit about ex Barry being dh classmate is good but I like the Barry junior bit best. Naming baby after yourself .
tasteslikepanda like the idea if the canvas bag, would make ideal Christmas present for MIL and HSIL.
HA! That is absolutely brilliant. How old is MIL?
Weirdest situation ever.
MIL sounds unhinged!
MIL is 62. IMHO she looks late 60s, but tries to dress much younger. Her hair is dyed blonde with grey/ white roots. She is not a wealthy woman.
Was pleased to see an update on the chalet happenings. But this is just a whole new story!
So MIL has a toy boy? Nice one. But with your son's class mate? Eurgh..
Shame you didn't go and visit HSil.
With some make up.
Loving the bf story.
On same names, I know a couple whose first born is named after his mother and the second after his father. Sigh.
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