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To want to throw something at DP's DB

(180 Posts)
GoingBackToSchool Sun 20-Jan-13 02:28:01

My DP's DB has some unfortunate incidents hmm resulting in him now living back at home (with my DP and their Mum). He sleeps in the room directly next to where my DP and I sleep (I stay over quite a lot). It is currently about 2AM and he (DB) has returned from wherever he has been (I assume the pub) with a girl who he has been (ahem) seeing. I don't mind this, he is entitled to do what he liked with whoever he likes.

However, he had (clearly) woken me up as well as my DP as his understanding of the words 'quiet' and 'whisper' are nonexistent. The girl he's with is worse, her voice is just so loud and (I hate to say it) really chavy. They have put a film on though they are chatting over it.

The thing I hate most us that there's no consideration for. Anyone else in the house (bungalow so all rooms b close). My DP has work in the morning (chef- split shift tomorrow) and I can tell that he is not asleep.

AIBU to want to go and thump the (ahem) twonk and tell him to shut the hell up because he is keeping everyone up! He wakes me and DP up all the time, once before with this girl and many other times just by him and his loud mouth! This is excluding many other very selfish, disgusting and rude things that he has dome/does. It's not fair on my DP and I want to just through something at him!!

Sorry, I know this is long and probably seems pathetic, but it's really affecting my DP sad

Morloth Mon 21-Jan-13 02:25:29

None of the waffling you are doing matters.

If you don't like the noise level in someone else's home, you just don't stay there.

If your DP either doesn't mind or can't be arsed to have it out with his brother, that is his business.

It isn't your home, therefore you don't get a say.

It is the Mum's house. She gets to decide what is reasonable, as both sons are adults, if they don't like what she thinks is reasonable then they can move out.

It really is very simple.

"I like spending time there, on the odd occasion it can be noisy..."

"Odd occasion"? "ODD OCCASION"????

So WHY all the bloody drama?!

The DB is noisy on the odd sodding occasion.... so what exactly is wrong with that? You made it sound like he was frequently always making noise and waking you up, and now it's "on the odd occasion" - why are you whinging about it?

<Bangs head off laptop repeatedly>

If it was frequent and it was your house then you would have a point. But you just said (on page 6) that it's "on the odd occasion" and it's NOT your house - therefore what exactly IS your point?

EVERYONE is allowed to be noisy on the odd occasion in their OWN HOME.

Your sleep is disturbed on the "odd occasion"?? You'll survive.

I'm thinking 18-20, first major relationship and more than a little "holier than thou" about said relationship. Real life is going to be one hell of a learning curve. I foresee a thread a few years from now about "neighbours having really inconsiderate LOUD partie*S*" and it will turn out they had one, on NYE - the noisy bastards!!

andtheycalleditbunnylove Sun 20-Jan-13 22:43:50

erm, i didn't bring religion into it. someone else said i was a Muslim, so i clarified.

And what about DP and his brother? do they do their washing up/laundry?

& if your DP is paying local rate, why can he not afford to move out, as he is paying local rate already...

GoingBackToSchool Sun 20-Jan-13 19:23:12

As I said previously, I pay a subsidised rate due to low income. DP/DB does pay local rate. My parents don't do my washing up or laundry, though in all fairness, they do cook family meals, though a lot of the time I am out.

Living with your parents is in no way like a house share! You don't seriously feel that way do you? Your parents are far far more lenient than house mates and landlords. Your parents will do your washing up, cooking and laundry for you and be helpful (which in turn, takes away your independence), so doing what you like in your 'rented room' is not how it works with parents. If you paid local average for that room rental then you may have a point, but I highly doubt that!

GoingBackToSchool Sun 20-Jan-13 17:49:16

Also, I agree that calling someone a 'religious nutter' is a bit harsh. People can think whatever they like - no matter how much we might disagree with them smile

GoingBackToSchool Sun 20-Jan-13 17:48:21

ledkr - i've written the essay ok! :P
I think re the moving out thing: My DP/DB (whichever you prefer) has never gone to univerisity or moved out of the family home.
Also, buying is the eventual goal, but we don't expect this too be realistic at the moment. We're not deluded smile
Tbh, I don't see the problem with bringing people to stay over-night when living with parents. If you pay rent, then surely it is *like a houseshare and you should be able to do what you like in your rented room?
Crawling - thanks for the support smile
Also, bunny did kind of de-rail the thread, I don't think that religion has anything to do with it.
After thinking about it (and after a quick nap lol) I do see people's point. It is not my place to moan/say anything. That doesn't mean that DB wasn't being inconsiderate, though - obviously (before anyone says it!) it's his home as well (as DP/DB I mean) and can be as inconsiderate as he likes.
I think I shall buy earplugs grin

ShellyBoobs Sun 20-Jan-13 17:35:55

PessaryPam - it's really offensive to call someone a 'religious nutter' just because you don't agree with their opinion.

To be quite honest, I get what bunny is saying and don't think it's that difficult to understand.

It could be the case that the older brother subconsciously feels that he's got some sort of authority over the household and is forgetting that it's his mum's house not his. It's not totally unheard of, you know!

PessaryPam Sun 20-Jan-13 17:23:32

I am glad I have exposed the religious nutters on this thread. From Bunny

when a woman lives with an adult son and without a husband, sometimes the boundaries become blurred - who is actually in charge in the house? the woman might depend on the son for support. therefore she might accept his disrespectful behaviour. but, if he honoured his mother as he should, he would only bring a wife to her house, not any other kind of passing creature.

Totally gobsmacking in 2013!

ledkr Sun 20-Jan-13 17:11:37

Despite still thinking adult kids should move out when if they want to have overnight guests and come in pissed regularly, I still think if one of my ds came in late and made a noise which disturbed my other adult son, I'd tell him to stfu!
When I stay at dh's parents house I expect dbil to keep his noise down late too.
Not sure why op is getting such a hard time.
Op write your feckkng essay will you!

To be fair the OP hasn't said anything to the mother.

I would hope that if she tried it the mother would put her back in her box sharpish!

andtheycalleditbunnylove Sun 20-Jan-13 15:27:03

*Bunny:

when a woman lives with an adult son and without a husband, sometimes the boundaries become blurred - who is actually in charge in the house?

The woman who owns the house, obviously.

Don't derail the thread with your stupid outdated, sexist opinions*

you can tell me what to do but i can't see it having any effect.

and that mother isn't taking charge in her house. that's her issue. if she was in charge her son's girlfriends would know their place.

OkayHazel Sun 20-Jan-13 14:54:58

Your DP should move out. 24 is too old.

Spuddybean Sun 20-Jan-13 14:20:07

I know i'm a bit late to this discussion but i must say i agree with Ledkr and other posters. I just don't understand this trend of staying at your parents house when you are an adult and expecting to behave as you would if you lived alone. Everyone is 'saving to buy a house' so therefore should be able to have boyfriends and girlfriends stay over (no matter how committed) and that is entirely justified because they want to buy?

But when did buying a house become essential? So much so you infantilise yourself or encroach on other people. And i'm sorry but i do think 24 is too old to be living at home if you want girlfriends to stay over.

In my opinion you stay at home if you can't afford to move out (which i really doubt if someone is working - what they usually mean is they can't afford a nice flat all to themselves in an area they like) but don't have overnight guests - and do your shagging elsewhere.

(Not that long ago) I moved out of home into a shared house with 7 bedrooms/tenants and i made up some of my rent by doing all the cooking, shopping, laundry and cleaning. My independence was way more important than staying with my parents to save.

I am really embarrassed for couples who leave uni and move in with ones parents for years - it seems a total failure to launch. Like buying is the only option and they wont even consider anything else or any compromise. But it seems that buying is the emperors new clothes and no one can say 'actually, we've all been sold a massive con here and can be equally happy without the moon on a stick'...it's a bit like big weddings too...

Anyway, i'm digressing and ranting - sorry! smile

In answer to your question imo yabu, it is more your boyfriends DB's house than yours, so it's up to his mum to complain if she is so inclined. I don't even think your boyfriend has a right to moan much either.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza Sun 20-Jan-13 14:18:41

He's not your partner, he's your boyfriend.

It's not an insult to "only" be a boyfriend.

The fact you call him something he isn't makes you sound a bit immature.

Crawling Sun 20-Jan-13 14:18:11

I don't think you deserve this flaming and I have 3 kids with the man I met at 17 so not all young relationships will amount to nothing.

frisson Sun 20-Jan-13 13:59:35

Re. the situation, if your BF is as bothered/disturbed as you are by the loud shagging and loud telly I'm sure he can find a few minutes to talk to his brother about it, work schedule notwithstanding.

Re. age and relationship history, it seems odd that in both cases you mentioned his but are reticent about your own.

Going: You could leave the relationship very easily WRT possessions, bills, commitments, etc. That is the difference. Even without children, a partner would usually share bills, responsibilities, household chores, they'd support one another financially/practically as well as emotionally, meals, maybe a bank account, etc.

jamdonut Sun 20-Jan-13 13:36:09

InNeatCognac - My thoughts exactly.

I don't know about your boyfriend (yes boyfriend).

But I sincerely hope that if he speaks to his brother, his brother tells him to fuck right off!

Your entitled attitude is breathtaking. I agree that when you're older you'll be mortified.

walter: I'm inclined to agree with you on that point, again, based on personal experience and hindsight!

InNeatCognac Sun 20-Jan-13 13:32:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FutTheShuckUp Sun 20-Jan-13 13:32:42

If he DOES think its an issue he WILL sort it out. I suggest you stop going on at him to speak to his brother and see it as it is- YOU are a guest there, he and his brother live there. Simple

GoingBackToSchool Sun 20-Jan-13 13:32:03

''Yes, in an ideal world he would be more considerate''
That what i was aksing in the first place!

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