To want to throw something at DP's DB

(180 Posts)
GoingBackToSchool Sun 20-Jan-13 02:28:01

My DP's DB has some unfortunate incidents hmm resulting in him now living back at home (with my DP and their Mum). He sleeps in the room directly next to where my DP and I sleep (I stay over quite a lot). It is currently about 2AM and he (DB) has returned from wherever he has been (I assume the pub) with a girl who he has been (ahem) seeing. I don't mind this, he is entitled to do what he liked with whoever he likes.

However, he had (clearly) woken me up as well as my DP as his understanding of the words 'quiet' and 'whisper' are nonexistent. The girl he's with is worse, her voice is just so loud and (I hate to say it) really chavy. They have put a film on though they are chatting over it.

The thing I hate most us that there's no consideration for. Anyone else in the house (bungalow so all rooms b close). My DP has work in the morning (chef- split shift tomorrow) and I can tell that he is not asleep.

AIBU to want to go and thump the (ahem) twonk and tell him to shut the hell up because he is keeping everyone up! He wakes me and DP up all the time, once before with this girl and many other times just by him and his loud mouth! This is excluding many other very selfish, disgusting and rude things that he has dome/does. It's not fair on my DP and I want to just through something at him!!

Sorry, I know this is long and probably seems pathetic, but it's really affecting my DP sad

InNeatCognac Sun 20-Jan-13 09:35:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ledkr Sun 20-Jan-13 09:38:48

What is it with these parents who allow their adult sons to behave like this in their homes. I have three grown lads and as soon as they wanted to bring girls back, come in late and noisy, have mates round for drinks etc. I suggested they look for their own place. I did my time in "digs" I am far to old to be putting up with all that crap now!

GoingBackToSchool Sun 20-Jan-13 09:39:28

The only thing I'm jiudging them for is not having common curtesy. Is that BU? I see millions of threads on here all the time judging strangers common curtesy, why is it so different here?
And no I don't pay rent or anything, but I do tidy up etc

grobagsforever Sun 20-Jan-13 09:41:20

The poor parents....

GoingBackToSchool Sun 20-Jan-13 09:42:44

I don't just 'shag and bugger off home' because I'm not one of those girls. I love my DP and I prefer to stay at his than my house because of parents, work situation and my DP also feelsore comfortable here (ad do I).

InNeatCognac Sun 20-Jan-13 09:43:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoingBackToSchool Sun 20-Jan-13 09:44:57

His mum seems to sleep llike a log somehow- lucky one haha! I don't think she minds tbh, not sure why though

Ragwort Sun 20-Jan-13 09:45:26

Too right ledkr - who are these parents who think it is totally reasonable for adults to bring home 'friends' for the night why not use the back of the car like we did. No way would I allow my DS to behave like this.

InNeatCognac Sun 20-Jan-13 09:45:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoingBackToSchool Sun 20-Jan-13 09:46:47

If it makes a difference, I have offered to pay before but was shot down.

I don't think you have any right as a guest in a house to ask a resident of that house to curtail his behaviour. Your dp does though and if not an issue for him then I suggest you either put up with it or don't stay there.

Oh and whether he pays rent or not or his circumstances of being there in his parents house has nothing to do with you.

InNeatCognac Sun 20-Jan-13 09:48:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoingBackToSchool Sun 20-Jan-13 09:49:14

Sorry neat, i took your comment in the wrong way obviously. I wouldn't feel comfortable skin that as it would mean a half hour walk at night, and I would feel slightly cheap. Just my opinion though smile

whois Sun 20-Jan-13 09:50:20

All of you living at home is a bit pathetic and the DB has more right to the house than you do. You sound young if you're mum won't let your DP stay over...

InNeatCognac Sun 20-Jan-13 09:51:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoingBackToSchool Sun 20-Jan-13 09:57:40

And no I don't shower or eat meals at dp house. I buy my own things

TheNebulousBoojum Sun 20-Jan-13 09:58:23

It's between DB and his mother TBH, if it's affecting your DP then he needs to move out and get a houseshare, in the same way that if you are in a houseshare with crap tenants, you'd look for a new place.

GoingBackToSchool Sun 20-Jan-13 09:59:35

Whois- I don't think it's pathetic. It might be for DB who had a good thing and ruined it by drink driving. My dp has a shit job he can't get out of and loans to pay back. It's hardly fair to call hum parhetic

InNeatCognac Sun 20-Jan-13 10:04:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsGeologist Sun 20-Jan-13 10:07:00

So if under 25s live at home, they are pathetic, but if they move out and require HB to cover extortionate rents, they are scroungers.

Sorry, know it's not your main point OP, it just bugs me.

I think it would really have to be a word between your DP and his DB, not you and DB, as you don't live there.

ledkr Sun 20-Jan-13 10:16:23

Not pathetic to live at home but if you want the single lifestyle then don't expect your parents lives to be disrupted by your choices.
My ds can stay here as long as they like but if they want to come in pissed every weekend make fry ups and bring girls back then they can get their own place.
Pils have their dc and partners living with them for various periods. To save to go traveling, deposit on a house etc. mil works ft and dies all their washing cooking etc. silly arse. Me and dh said we might sell our house and move in with them while our money sits in the bank grin be a nice break from all the mundane household chores and we'd have built on childcare.

GoingBackToSchool Sun 20-Jan-13 10:22:42

Neat - no i don't do the walk of shame. I go to work from my partners house.
Mrs Geologist - exactly, if we were to move out we would need benefits and would then get called scroungers. It's ridiculous.

I have concluded to ask DP to talk to DB.
ledkr - but i don't want the single lifestyle. DB does. Why should his Mum and brother suffer for him wanting this lifestyle. And i totally agree with not likely them coming home pissed all the time. DB does this and, trust me, waking up to find your dp's db peeing in his (dp's) room is not fun lol. OK, maybe extreme example but still..

SarahBumBarer Sun 20-Jan-13 10:33:29

I think you're getting a bit of a hard time OP and some if the comments in here are downright mean considering current rental prices/average age if first time buyers etc. Lots if young people are living with parents (and many not so young). MY DS is only two and I may change my mind a dozen times but my view is that while he will never be allowed to bring "girls" home a long time gf of several years will be welcome to stay the night.

You are still BU however. It is not your place to say anything but it us hard to be reasonable when you are watching the hours tick by in the middle of the night. If it is not bothering your DP's DM (you say she sleeps like a log) then there us not much you can do although if your DP is paying rent them IMO he has the right to say something.

ledkr Sun 20-Jan-13 10:36:59

Op not really criticising you just think there comes a time when it's time to move out IMO. Many parents are happy for the dc to remain at home for their adulthood regardless of their lifestyle. I'm just not one of them!
Obviously your bil behaviour us ridiculous. My dd had a birthday sleepover last night and they were told to shut up when it got too loud so god knows why he can't be!

GoingBackToSchool Sun 20-Jan-13 10:37:19

Thanks Sarah, yes, in my area especially, house prices are crazy! For all I would love to have our own place, it's not a realistic goal at the moment. Someone meantioned house-share, but surely the same problems re noisy house mates could occur therefore not solving problems.
Anyway, I know it's not my place (the throwing something at him was not serious though I might like it to be sometimes grin)
I'm going to speak to DB about it. He was very grumpy this morning with lack of sleep also, so it shouldn't be too hard smile

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