To ask why people co sleep?

(246 Posts)
Cathycomehome Sat 19-Jan-13 22:09:37

It seems quite popular on here, but all advice I see is not to. So, why do people still do it, when they follow other advice to the letter?

HappyPiglet - I've never changed a nappy at night unless it's the stinkiest poo or they've leaked all over there clothes. Which has happened to LO about 10 times in his 9 months!

Cathycomehome Sat 19-Jan-13 22:28:43

For replies, I meant, stupid iPad!

BertieBotts Sat 19-Jan-13 22:29:06

I don't follow guidelines rigidly because they're guidelines, I prefer to read (way too much probably) and look at all the information I can find before making a decision.

I did breastfeed because it seemed easier, less likely to make a mistake with quantities or not washing bottles correctly, forget to buy milk or take with me when going out etc. I did give DS food before 6 months though, but mainly because he clambered up to my plate and took it. I co slept because it made sense to me with breastfeeding and also because it's a lot safer to plan to co sleep and make the bed a safe environment for your baby rather than being exhausted and falling asleep on a sofa or in a chair etc which I think would have been likely for me - I fell asleep all over the place when pregnant blush

The research suggests that co sleeping is no more dangerous than cot sleeping when done correctly, parents are non smokers, etc. I used a sidecar cot which is one of the safest arrangements for co sleeping you can have, although he didn't spend every night within the boundaries of the cot.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

If you want to co-sleep then that is your own choice, but I find it rather strange to imply that is the only way to get any sleep.

This made me laugh! With some babies it is the only way to get any sleep. If you have a baby who sleeps happily in a cot, good for you. Not everyone does. I also have the added complication that my physical health means I am often unable to lift DS in and out of his cot - having him in bed with me and DH means that his needs are met.

As others have said, if you pay attention to the guidelines it is a perfectly normal and safe way to sleep.

BertieBotts Sat 19-Jan-13 22:31:08

YY I didn't change nappies at night except in the very early days which I did kneeling over DS in the bed with the covers round my shoulders (poor cold XP grin) and all feeds were breastfeeding lying down so I was able to doze anyway.

Sorry for your loss Cathy.

DowntonTrout Sat 19-Jan-13 22:31:29

I knew there would be some smug answers on here saying how it's perfectly easy to get a baby to sleep in a cot etc etc. well bully for you. My DS was like that. It was easy.

Then I had 5 years of sleeping on the floor of my DD1s bedroom. We tried everything, but she had serious health problems during the early years and our family life was devastated by lack of sleep.

When DD2 came along it was like a light going on. She slept well in my bed with me. Hours and hours of lovely sleep. Not only that but a wonderful closeness and a really contented child.

When you are really sleep deprived, you cannot function. Don't just dismiss people with silly accusations of not trying hard enough or making out it is something they are doing wrong, I cannot bear people with that attitude and it is clear they have no idea of how soul destroying it can be.

Fwiw DD 2 , who is now 11, still co sleeps sometimes, and it is lovely.

Loquace Sat 19-Jan-13 22:31:32

I have a personal in cot death

Ahh love, I am so, so sorry.

CointreauVersial Sat 19-Jan-13 22:32:08

I've no idea why. I can't sleep if anyone is even touching me. It would drive me bonkers.

Morloth Sat 19-Jan-13 22:32:10

I can't think of anywhere safer for my children to have slept then in the crook of my arm.

Cathycomehome Sat 19-Jan-13 22:34:31

I just have been looking at the advice again since recent small is deciding to be wakeful, but most advice seems no?

There is really conflicting information on co-sleeping and SIDS risks. I have seen lots of statistics that are about infant death when co-sleeping, this shouldn't be confused with the SIDS statistics. SIDS can't be explained, there is no reason, a large percentage of infant death isn't attributed to SIDS but where the child has suffocated.

I also lost my son to SIDS, but have co slept with my other children. I did it for many reasons, mainly because I had a breathing monitor for them all, I didn't want to leave them alone in their cots at night, I woke up every 5 minutes to check on them anyway, and pretty much because I followed every single tiny bit of advice when I had my son and he died anyway sad

So sorry to hear of your loss Cathy sad

Willdoitinaminute Sat 19-Jan-13 22:35:36

I was one of the lucky ones. DS was content in his crib by the bed but I put my back out when he was 7mnths and by that time in his cot in our room. I could lift him out but could not put him back down after feeding. So we began co sleeping with him.
He eventually made it into his own room at about 4yrs although was still sneeking back in the early hours but we often wouldn't wake.
We have 6 ft bed so he had plenty of room. And despite the rest of the family telling me that he would never be a good lone sleeper and would struggle to settle himself he happily goes to bed on his own and is asleep within minutes of turning out his light.

UniS Sat 19-Jan-13 22:36:15

Because every time I put DS in his Moses basket he would stretch his arms out, hit the sides and wake up yelling. He couldn't touch the sides on a king size bed. After a few weeks we gave in and bought a cot and squeezed it in to our room 9 but couldn't open the wardrobe doors fully or turn the radiator on.

Happypiglet Sat 19-Jan-13 22:37:23

I used reusable nappies and not changing nappies all night wasn't really an option! But they are prob much better now!
All mine were in a Moses basket by the bed. I tried co sleeping once but it didn't work for me as I got less sleep.... But then I am one of those nasty mums who put them all in their own rooms after six months 3 days in DDs case
They have never slept in my bed, ever...each to their own I guess!

pookamoo Sat 19-Jan-13 22:37:33

missymoo makes a very good point there. SIDS and suffocation are not quite the same thing.

Missy, so sorry also to hear of your sad loss.

Not read all the thread as it is late and I am on my way to bed. I much preferred DD next to me, she could breastfeed at will, and I managed to doze for a few minutes. I have never had a decent nights sleep since DD was born, and she is 13 now.

I can never, ever understand people who want to put a new born baby in a cot in a room on its own.

Tis not natural.

LineRunner Sat 19-Jan-13 22:38:51

I did it because, like others have said, it's lovely and if you are bf especially I think it helps you all sleep better, for the first few weeks/months/year/whatever.

I looked at the guidance and we had no risk factors. So I did what most of the non-paranoid world do.

Try googling 'safe co-sleeping' there's loads of information on it. smile

Tbh if I hadn't co-slept I might well be dead. With both children I gave in and brought them into my bed at about 6 months, when I was so exhausted from sleep deprivation and suicidal from PND (exacerbated by sleep deprivation) that I just couldn't cope doing anything else.

GiraffesEatPineapples Sat 19-Jan-13 22:39:07

I think in your situation it is totally understandable to want to go along with the advice and probably what I would feel comfortable doing sad

If you are struggling with sleep though the no cry sleep solution has a brilliant section on how to co sleep safely with your baby - really informative I think. I and many other people have accidentally fallen asleep in a chair bf our babies with them on a nursing pillow which is surely more of a risk than bf in a safe co sleeping setup.

Happypiglet Sat 19-Jan-13 22:40:09

Btw sorry for your loss sad

Generally because they are too tired to try something else
Because they want to have their baby with them all night
Because they don't want to have to get up in the night to attend to them (because they are right there)
Because they are doing AP

GiraffesEatPineapples Sat 19-Jan-13 22:41:52

missymoo sad x

MikeOxardInTheSnow Sat 19-Jan-13 22:42:10

I researched and made my own decision, as I do with all guidelines. With my first dc the midwives at hospital tucked dd into bed with me. Upon discharge they also said 'I'm required to advise against cosleeping, but if you want any sleep you will do it at some point, everybody does'! I did try a cot first but we both hated it. It felt much safer having her in with me, so I could see and hear and feel her breathing and make sure she was ok. Dc2 hasn't been in a cot yet and is 6 months. We are both very happy cosleeping, get more sleep, more cuddles, it's more convenient, safer and nicer imo.

LineRunner Sat 19-Jan-13 22:42:15

And what pookamoo said. ^^

Very, very sorry, beyond words, really, for the mothers on here who have lost their babies to SIDS.

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