To HATE my husband's thick orange beard???

(130 Posts)
SplitHeadGirl Sat 19-Jan-13 19:44:25

My husband has grown a really thick beard that covers half his face and completely covers his mouth. He has gone from being gorgeous (like a young Richard Armitage) to looking like a scruffy, unkempt pensioner who has had a really hard life!

I told him weeks ago (stubble stage) that as it was his face, he could of course grow a beard, whatever he wanted and I would support him. BUT....I hadn't counted on how it has affected my physical feelings about him. I find him unattractive and strange to look at, like I don't know him. sad I miss the face I fell in love with.

He is a lot grumpier now too and as he now looks older he has started to ACT older and I wonder if losing his young looks (he could easily get them back if he shaved that damn thing off his face) has made him lose his young personality.

I am cross with myself as I KNOW it is just facial hair and I would hate it if he didn't find me attractive anymore for some stupid physical reason. He has even joined a beard forum (a beard board) where he and a bunch of other guys post pics of themselves and support and encourage each other's beard growth!!!!

Shouldn't I just get over it??? I feel like I am being unreasonable...but I hate that I can't see his beautiful face anymore and that he has changed so much and I hate that I don't find him attractive like this.sad

cafecito Sun 20-Jan-13 00:16:11

Oh I LOVE stubble, and short beards, way better than smooth shaven. I hate no stubble/beard

TheSecondComing Sun 20-Jan-13 00:20:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

monsterchild Sun 20-Jan-13 00:25:16

YABVVVU, I love my scruffy orange beard wearin' fella!

HopAndSkip Sun 20-Jan-13 00:25:17

grow your leg and armpit hair and dye it bright orange in beard protest wink

edam Sun 20-Jan-13 00:32:13

I'm really not keen on beards but sadly dh is very attached to his (which he didn't grow until we'd been married for years - if only I'd know he'd become a beardy!).

I like longish stubble... I think I'd have to draw the line at a Captain Birdseye effort, orange or otherwise. My DH is bald on top (he's only 34 bless him) I always shove him towards the beard trimmer if he starts to look too much like Richard from Guess Who?(original version).... grin <eighties child disclaimer>

JumpingJackSprat Sun 20-Jan-13 02:27:27

my ex grew a massive blackbeard the pirate beard. it was horrendous. i told him how repulsive i found it. it honestly made my skin crawl and he looked scruffy and like he didnt give a crap about his appearance. i broke up with him shortly after that... not suggesting OP should dump her fella over it, my ex was a twat with or without a beard wink

Kirk1 Sun 20-Jan-13 02:56:16

I personally find DH more attractive with his beard, I was disappointed when he decided to shave it off. Fortunately, he's a bit lazy when it comes to shaving, so a weeks worth of stubble becomes "designer stubble" quite quickly these days. After Christmas with two weeks worth of beard he looked like this guy

I think you can't help what reaction you get to a person's appearance, even your DH, so YANBU to hate the beard if it is a turn-off

MerryCouthyMows Sun 20-Jan-13 02:58:18

I don't do beards. Or bearded men for that matter. I have an 'issue' with beards.

So while it would be TOTALLY any partner of mine's right to grow a beard, it would also be TOTALLY my right not to kiss them, have sex with them, or in any way, shape or form go near face fuzz that actually makes be recoil.

It's not being shallow - couldn't give a crap about extra weight, of whether they shaved their chest / legs / balls / arse, had a disfiguring accident, whatever. Just don't try to put your manky face fuzz anywhere near me, because it feels like a thousand creepy crawly insects are eating my skin.

<<Shrug>> can't change my feelings on that. I make it plain at the start if a relationship that while I can cope with stubble, anything more makes me physically recoil.

nooka Sun 20-Jan-13 03:44:53

I really like beards, so my dh is under instructions not to shave his off. He does every now and then (as is of course totally his right) and then I find it odd to look at him because it makes such a big difference to his face. So I can understand why you are having such a strong reaction.

On the other hand thinking that his beard is making him old, and having such a problem with that is a little odd.

As to how to react, just tell him the truth and see if there is not some compromise you can make about the length, style or time period he has the beard for perhaps. Better to have the problem in the open than fester about it.

JusticeCrab Sun 20-Jan-13 06:28:12

OP: Beards are fantastic, and without mine I look like a vole. But if it's a turn-off for you you should tell him so, rather than finding other excuses not to have sex. There is an excuse: it's the beard! So it has to go. Be frank.

Fairylea Sun 20-Jan-13 06:34:21

I'd just stop shaving any body hair on yourself and see how he likes that... grow your armpit hair and start wearing vests a lot.

mayihaveaboxofchoculaits Sun 20-Jan-13 06:57:58

Just a thought, is the beard the same colour as the head hair?

DH's desparate dan, had light brown (no yellow in it) on the head ,and a big bushy red beard.
The barber used to ask him why he couldnt manage to grow them the same colour!

nooka Sun 20-Jan-13 07:33:36

I really like beards, so my dh is under instructions not to shave his off. He does every now and then (as is of course totally his right) and then I find it odd to look at him because it makes such a big difference to his face. So I can understand why you are having such a strong reaction.

On the other hand thinking that his beard is making him old, and having such a problem with that is a little odd.

As to how to react, just tell him the truth and see if there is not some compromise you can make about the length, style or time period he has the beard for perhaps. Better to have the problem in the open than fester about it.

sweetkitty Sun 20-Jan-13 07:54:42

Another beard hater here, DP goes through stages of thinking about growing a beard he gets to about a week then shaves it off. It's his ambition to grow a full beard, there will be no sex if he does!

lambbone Sun 20-Jan-13 08:43:16

Quote your dad sounds AWESOME! My dad has a beard- no Santa affair though-and is shiny bald. Both these conditions have applied throughout my life-I'm 49. So while I have no problem with beards, I've never been out with a bloke with one- too much like dad? Mum seems to like it though- they've been married 50 years.

MoreBeta Sun 20-Jan-13 08:51:43

"Beards dont cause mood changes but mood changes can cause beards (ancient DH wisdom!). "

Totally agree.

Blokes who suddenly grow beards or moustaches usually do it for a reason. Sort of like a visible sign of rebellion or hiding something.

Honestly, its true. The decision to suddenly grow a beard or moustache takes a very significant shift of mind after years of shaving.

maddening Sun 20-Jan-13 08:52:24

Stick some googly eyes on it and call it rex?

I like the shaving strike - or get a bushy style merkin?

DH recently gone the beardy way. It just takes some getting used too. Now when he shaves I think he looks like a baby.

Beta mine was because I don't like shaving grin

Idiom Sun 20-Jan-13 09:12:31

Beards rock. BUT two rules. One, they must have a shave line at an appropriate place on the neck thus avoiding the scruffy werewolf look. Two, trim carefully around the lip area thus avoiding scratching your wife during snoggage.

TepidCoffee Sun 20-Jan-13 09:13:29

Quote, your dad sounds brilliant.

SparkyTGD Sun 20-Jan-13 09:18:59

I hate beards

I give you

Jake Gyllenhaal stubbly phwoooarr grin

or

Jake Gyllenhaal with beard.

I rest my case.

Chandon Sun 20-Jan-13 09:35:08

My DH grew a big beard about a year ago. Sometimes he trims it and shapes it a bit. He also grew his hair long, he has thick wavy hair so he now looks...ehm....rather biblical.

I have told him I do not find it attractive.....he shrugs
His boss told him to shave it off and cut his hair and wear a tie ( he works in a bank!).....but nothing
Our friends call him Rasputin, Thor or Evan Almighty
His football coach said : I did not know Jesus played football!
His old friends say he looks about 10 years older
His mum sent him the last boden catalogue, as he looks just like the bearded model in it.
I tried to convince him that a beard is not cool, but very Boden

But nothing changed his mind.

So no advice. But sympathy!

Jayne266 Sun 20-Jan-13 09:37:14

Everytime my husband gets to scruffy stubble stage I tell him to shave and I told him am sorry but I don't find him attractive with long stubble or beard.

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