lovely sleepover but parent hasn't turned up to collect kid

(138 Posts)
bringnbuy Sat 19-Jan-13 11:33:41

really hacked off. dd had two friends over for a sleepover. i picked them up from school, took them to pizza express for supper even though couldn't afford it really but thought it would be nicer than me cooking for them (as wimpy wasn't open due to snow), up for hours having a lovely time. invite clearly said COLLECT 10:30am, other kid was just picked up, a bit late but fine. no sign of other mum, over an hour late. i sent a plite text hour hour ago, no response. dh is hiding upstairs as had enough, you know how it is, after a while you have had enough of kids arsing around/watching kids tv etc. we have to go out which is why my invite clearly said 10:30, really pissed off, the mum might not turn up for hours, i asked her dd who said 'this afternoon', perhaps she thinks we are a useful creche

Pigsmummy Mon 21-Jan-13 11:26:02

I know that it is passive aggressive but if you have the girl over for a sleepover in future why not arrange to drop her off? You have a car and it will avoid the issue, hopefully next time it won't be snowy.

pigletmania Mon 21-Jan-13 11:12:39

Tats good op glad she was in. A bi cheeky, the other parent understood the message, Mabey dh conveniently forgot, so se could get some stuff done.

MmeGuillotine Mon 21-Jan-13 10:32:40

Oh no, I was replying to MissMarplesMaid and Cheeryble up thread. I wasn't implying that there was any such scenario going on in your situation.

bringnbuy Mon 21-Jan-13 10:14:44

Mme i hear where you are coming from but this girl wasn't at me because she was seeking refuge. i have seen her over the years in the school playground/local high street with her ma/brother & sister & father, they seem like a nice/ordinary family. the little girl is lovely, doesn't seem unhappy/unloved and her father is a really nice person, often had long chats with him. i think they are just laid back/bit airhead ish and just didn't give much thought to it/thought it would be ok if she spent the day with us. 2little - she didn't, i had to take her dd home two hours later. never mind. all in the past now, these things happen

2littlemonkeys Mon 21-Jan-13 09:31:18

What time did she turn up?

MmeGuillotine Sun 20-Jan-13 20:29:57

I was one of those children when I was growing up. I think I spent over half my time as a teenager and beyond sleeping over at friends' houses because my grandparents had either beaten me up or thrown me out or both.

I still feel the most immense gratitude and affection for the friends' parents who put up with me and will pay it forward without question if any of my own children's friends ever need our help.

MissMarplesMaid Sat 19-Jan-13 20:30:06

bringnbuy, Cheeryble - these situations, yours and mine make you realise just how chaotic some young people's lives are.

bringnbuy Sat 19-Jan-13 20:02:16

missm sounds grim, feel sorry for the children. some grown ups are real stinkers sad

MissMarplesMaid Sat 19-Jan-13 19:54:41

bringnbuy - in our case the 'D'F has failed to show at home. My DD was having one girl to stay and asked if the younger sister could stay as she didnt want to wait alone to see if her F would turn up.

We had plenty of food and we have space and bedding so not a practical problem. This is the second time in the space of a fortnight that we have found ourselves unexpectedly hosting one or other of these girls. I am starting to suspect that we are being used as childcare.

They are all lower secondary school age so more capable of dealing with changed situations but this is not ideal.

bringnbuy Sat 19-Jan-13 19:42:12

missmarple i thought my thing was bad enough. you have someone literally staying the night? what does the parent say?/have they called you?

Cheeryble Sat 19-Jan-13 19:14:20

It doesn't stop, either. I regularly find myself stepping over the bodies of teenage ds's friends sleeping on the sitting room floor, and almost universally it's because their parents have chucked them out, or they've had some massive row with them, or the parents aren't speaking to each other and the kids have had enough, or variations on all that. One poor lad does it because his parents are regularly pissed and objectionable. I mainly thank my stars that ds doesn't feel the need to escape from us in the same way.

MissMarplesMaid Sat 19-Jan-13 18:55:53

Just thought I would post to say this sort of non-parenting is more common than you think. We have one more sleeping over tonight than planned as a parent has failed to come home.

bringnbuy Sat 19-Jan-13 17:48:36

and, that is really depressing. i understand needing space and if you are good friends with someone then to ask a favour is different, but to ask someone you barely know to have your kid for a few days is bloody awful. i feel really sorry for the kid. i've had a shite day really, didn't do the things i needed to and dd hasn't done any of her bloody homework of which she has loads. 70 dd has never been there before but they have only been friends for about 3/4 months, you know how kids are, they change their 'best' friends the way i change my undies. i will have her over again one half term as i don't think it fair on the girl to stop her having dd as a friend just because her mum is flaky or whatever it is she is. i still can't believe i was stood there in the snow with her dd holding one hand and her sleeping bag in the other. what a rotten scene. still, all's well that ends well. many different ways to bring up your child, noone knows what goes on behind closed doors. i know one women who when dd was younger and had birthday parties at our house, everyone else would drop their child off and then leave, she would come in, take her coat off and stay even though i didn't really know (or like) her, really awkward. i had to make boody uncomfortable conversation with her/feel i had to entertain her the whole time instead of other things. she lived nearby so could have easily gone home.

andtheycalleditbunnylove Sat 19-Jan-13 17:23:51

long time ago but daughter had a friend over to stay. the next day, the girl's mum rang and said 'oh xxx will stay with you another couple of days...' and was quite put out when i said 'no she won't'. 'why not?' she demanded. 'because she isn't invited'. 'oh, i'll have to get her stepdad to pick her up then.' 'fine, you do that'.
cheek!

Veritate Sat 19-Jan-13 15:09:05

Some parents almost seem to expect free babysitting as their right. DD has a friend who has come to ours after school quite often, which is fine, she's a nice little girl and dd enjoys having her to play with. However, her mother is regularly late picking her up. On the one occasion when she was due to reciprocate and pick up both girls from school, I had a call at around 4 pm to say no-one had turned up to collect either of them. Fortunately the other mother got there quite soon after, but the Head took me aside and suggested I shouldn't ever rely on this mum because she was always late picking up and seemed to regard it as her right to have the teachers look after her dd. Ultimately they started putting her child into the after school club and charging her for it, she got most indignant but learnt to be a bit more punctual.

greenpostit Sat 19-Jan-13 14:40:44

Be careful with that mum in the future. Some people do this very deliberately and feign ignorance. Next time, it won't be snowing and I would just put on the invite, I will drop x back home at 10.30 or whatever, please let me know if this isn't convenient. I wouldn't sit around waiting for her to arrive, I'd just do the drop off myself particularly as such a short distance. I don't believe for a minute that she didn't know the pickup time. She sounds like a liar to me, despite the fake friendliness.

LaQueen Sat 19-Jan-13 14:40:27

And OP next time you have a sleepover, and your DD wants to invite this girl then you let the girl come... but you make damned sure you speak to her Mum before hand.

You smile and say pleasantly 'I'm just letting you know that X will need collecting by 10.30am the next morning - I thought I would mention it to you because last time you forgot and didn't check the invite"

Then you smile again, and hold her eye contact...just to let her know that you are no one's Mug, and that she won't be allowed to play the 'Ooh, sorry I'm just so laid-back and forgetful' card again.

LaQueen Sat 19-Jan-13 14:36:02

Er...sorry. You finally took the girl home at 1.00pm, after a sleep-over, and her Mum said 'she was going to text you later to see what time she needed collecting.'

WTAF hmm

Any experienced Mum knows that a sleepover constitues their child being collected sometime the following morning not the following afternoon gettings towards tea time.

She was totally taking the piss - and knew exactly what she was doing. She was enjoying her free time and planned to probably text you about 3pm and pretend she wasn't aware there had been a definite time on the inivitation. If she hadn't been aware why not text you last night, or first thing this morning to check and find out.

If she wasn't taking the piss, and is genuinely this shite and flakey then she shouldn't be responsible for any child

bringnbuy it's lovely that the girl's brother is so doting- maybe they are closer because their parents are so lax.

WRT to the situation with the girl- Yes we all appreciate that people get caught up in traffic, delayed (and with the snow,) plans go array.
So you hang on a bit longer and 99% of the time the parent rushes in, blustering apologies, you both laugh and away they go.

BUT some parents are just like this one. Whether they are chronically disorganised or so rude that they think other peoples time doesn't matter, I don't know.

I've had a similar situation, it happens gradually but not again.(No contact now with the other child)

You have to nip it in the bud now, unless you are one of those parents who doesn't mind your house full of other DC.
But as you said, you needed to be somewhere. Sleepovers are flipping hard work. And the way you are now, you don't need the stress !

Does your DD go to this girl's house at all?

sorry huge x post

bringnbuy Sat 19-Jan-13 13:34:10

mrsd -blimey that's terrible, that poor girl (her dad going off like that), really upsetting. i bet you treated her better than she was used to. fwiw the mother was friendly when i dropped her dd back, she thanked me and looked confused when i said her mobile number didn't work when i tried calling (the texts i sent didn't come back unsent though....) i said the number i called was the same number i had used when i texted her chasing a rsvp which she did respond to. i don't hold a grudge, no big deal really just a bit crap. they are a nice family, just i think a bit too laid back in that way. dd loves her little girl, i'll certainly have her over but am wary now. actually come to think about it dd does karate with this little girl after school. when i go and pick her up (1 1/2 hours after school) this little girl is usually left waiting for her m or d to collect her whilst all the other kids carers are there waiting when the door opens. sometimes i hang around a bit with her until her brother etc come as i feel sorry for her but the thing is because i have done this a few times i now feel i always have to but her family are really nice, she seems very loved and even has a doting brother who always gives her a kiss when he does come, how many big brothers do that? i wouldn't have thought many smile

AlistairSim Sat 19-Jan-13 13:33:30

Thank god you were there, MrsD.

She would have been alone for three days otherwise.

I don't know why I find it particularly shocking, I can imagine my PIL doing the same to their 5 children.

2rebecca Sat 19-Jan-13 13:30:41

That's really rude. The mother should have been embarrassed and really grovelly when she realised how rude and negligent she had been. As she wasn't I'd be reluctant to have the child back until she is old enough to make her own way home.

has she gone yet?

difficultpickle Sat 19-Jan-13 13:16:41

So year 5? Ds is year 4. He knows our home phone number and my mobile off by heart. Did the mother invite you in for a coffee? I would have been utterly mortified if you had turned up on my door step in this weather. Instead I am very angry on your behalf.

I totally get how you hate confrontation with parenting stuff. I find it difficult too despite having what others perceive to be a 'high-powered' job.

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