To think I should get to have one nice thing without DH ruining it? (warning petty)

(95 Posts)
Lambzig Thu 17-Jan-13 20:16:21

DH is sulking with me nearly 24 hours later and I really dont want to apologise.

I am not spending money on myself at the moment as am on maternity leave with DS 10 weeks, so no new clothes. I was given vouchers for christmas for a very upmarket online store that I cannot normally afford. My old dressing gown was four years old, had a hole in it and was thin cotton so freezing for getting up in the night when the heating is off. I managed to find a lovely luxury one in the dregs of the sales at 50% off and it arrived yesterday. I hadn't worn it yet, but it is just so lovely and double layered but could be unisex.

Last night DH went out for drinks with people he used to work with and came home at midnight, kebab in hand, a little worse for wear. Obvs no problem with that. DS woke up at 3am and I was feeding him in bed. DH decided to get up and get himself a drink of water and offered to change DS when I had finished feeding. He came back in in my new dressing gown (his was next to it on the bathroom door) which was pulled stretched across his shoulders and as he reached over for DS, I heard it rip a bit. I asked him to take it off as he was ripping it and I didnt particularly want his beer sweaty naked self all over it. He got really cross and told me that I was being petty and selfish and took it off, scrunched it up and kicked it across the bedroom.

He wants me to apologise. I think I am entitled to have something new, without him ruining it before I have even worn it.

told you it was petty, but AIBU and should I apologise.

Lambzig Thu 17-Jan-13 21:35:22

Billy yes so was I, so I just got him to help me change him on our bed, not carry him through to another room.

Hobbitation Thu 17-Jan-13 21:36:15

What a twat. He should apologise profusely and if it is ripped get you a new one, regardless of cost. And sulking in an adult is unforgiveable, IMO, I couldn't put up with it.

InNeedOfBrandy Thu 17-Jan-13 21:39:05

throws self at OxfordBags and smooches wink

purrpurr Thu 17-Jan-13 21:43:29

Lambzig, I do wonder if this is something you could have a chat about.

I never really noticed my OH had no respect for my stuff until we were on our honeymoon. As we had limited storage space for our stuff, even though we had selected our own drawers for things, I noticed soon enough that he had taken to ransacking - that was the only word for it - MY drawers and using them as miscellaneous storage, so the chocs that were put on the pillows by the 'turn down team' were put in my underwear drawer, melting chocolate all over my new bought especially silk nightwear... quickly joined by bottles of half-used sun tan cream, missing lids, so they leaked... I've never owned nice nightwear before. sad I could have cried. It was like being on holiday with a small child.

Months later, back at home, he couldn't find something so ransacked my things again - all my coat pockets, my handbag and finally whilst we were in my car he had a thorough look round. It was as though I didn't own those things. They were ours. So he could treat them how he liked. I've never seen him rifle through his own things in the same way. It's hurtful to watch.

I'm a wuss, I've left it. I do think you could have a talk about this, to start to foster some respect for your things in him. They don't have to be gadgets, or expensive, to be cherished by their owner.

Lambzig Thu 17-Jan-13 21:48:11

Hmm, I think he does it sporadically, but you are right, he doesnt think of them as things that would matter to me or things that are personal to me. I think he doesnt think, for example, shoes are shoes so what does it matter if he dumps his muddy trainers on top of my new suede shoes and then gets super defensive if I complain.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Thu 17-Jan-13 21:53:09

Get your own wardrobe and put a lock on, preferably with DH's Kindle and iPhone accidently getting locked in, and enjoy watching him go nuts grin

LadyBeagleEyes Thu 17-Jan-13 21:53:26

YA so not being UR Op.
But this is coming from a person who used to have a fit when he dared to read my Sunday Observer before me though he continually moaned about the price, and he let his mates drink out of my mug.
He's an ex for a reason ok not that in particular, but I do admit to being a petty cow, and I know I'm unable to live with anybody apart from my ds.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Thu 17-Jan-13 21:56:58

Lady I been single so long living with a man would drive me crazy, i dont like pee on the toilet seat, i control the telly, dont come on my side of the bed, dont touch my diet coke, and no reading my magazines before me, those is the rules.

InNeedOfBrandy Thu 17-Jan-13 21:59:40

I could never ever give up my side of the bed for anyone. EVER

My house, my stuff my bath my toilet and my side of the bed. <very selfish and petty>

GregBishopsBottomBitch Thu 17-Jan-13 22:02:36

I dont like being touched in the night, i used to wake up to find my then DP, asleep on my pillows, cant have people doing that. its my bed.

bedmonster Thu 17-Jan-13 22:03:34

OP, yanbu in wanting something nice for yourself. You deserve a bit of luxury even more than usual after having a baby.

HOWEVER, I can't get over the idea that men wear dressing gowns shock I mean, really? I don't know any man who owns one!!

OxfordBags Thu 17-Jan-13 22:03:40

Brandy, you're a great kisser, but you so much as look at my side of our bed and you'll be out on your ear.

I don't even like seeing DH (sorry, Brandy) moving my toiletries to one side temporarily, when looking for something of his, and he does that respectfully and moves them back!

PurrPurr, you can still tackle him about this shit, you know. Your post made me sad for you.

InNeedOfBrandy Thu 17-Jan-13 22:05:02

I hate the smell of the bedroom if a mans been there asleep (and farting away) and you go in open the door and pooowww it's all manly and farty and not how my bedroom would normally smell.

I also love being able to fart without no one around, stretch out like a star fish, eat cheese cake at 3 AM in bed watching buffy and not tidy up if I don't want to.

InNeedOfBrandy Thu 17-Jan-13 22:06:06

bedmonster my ex used to love my dressing gown (was only a BHS one though)

oxford shock and I thought you loved meeeee <wails>

OxfordBags Thu 17-Jan-13 22:06:16

Bedmonster, my DH owns a dressing gown. Does it make it better or worse that it's the same one he got when he was EIGHTEEN and doesn't like to wash it because it apparently then loses its 'feel'?

I have a very poor sense of smell.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Thu 17-Jan-13 22:06:27

Why do all boys and mens bedrooms has that weird stale smell, its gross, and any mans room i been in has the same smell.

OxfordBags Thu 17-Jan-13 22:07:28

Pah, it's all over anyway, Brandy, I don't like Buffy. I was only using you for your body, anyway.

OxfordBags Thu 17-Jan-13 22:08:52

Ps, sorry to clusterfuck, but, apart from his rank dressing gown of shame, my DH genuinely doesn't leave rooms smelling all farty and sweaty.

But then again, as I mentioned, I do have a very poor sense of smell.

Satan would be ice-skating before I would apologise to him.

LadyBeagleEyes Thu 17-Jan-13 22:14:50

Bloody hell yes Brandy, sharing a bed? No way ever.
And I have the remote, ds has multiroom so it's mine, all mine.
My ex used to go through the Radio Times and highlight the programmes he was going to watch that night.
When I said 'well actually I want to watch this', he'd accuse me of only saying that because I didn't like his choices.
So we got SkyPlus, then he'd highlight the ones to record and the ones to watch.
And it very rarely fitted in with my plans.

Bobyan Thu 17-Jan-13 22:16:04

Spend his vouchers...

DumSpiroSpero Thu 17-Jan-13 22:23:39

Months later, back at home, he couldn't find something so ransacked my things again - all my coat pockets, my handbag

If my DH went through my handbag I'd take head off (and he knows it!).

OP YANBU - I'm gobsmacked that even if he was pissed it would even occur to your DH to put your dressing gown on (me and DH are similar proportions so I can imagine the difference in sizing). Also, stuff like this is important. It's what you wear when you want to feel relaxed and warm and cosy which is a big deal imo. Last winter I couldn't stretch to much in the way of new clothes and in the end I treated myself to nice winter PJ's, slippers and dressing gown rather than daytime clothes, so I totally get why it's so important to you.

<googles toast>
YANBU!!!! Why would u want his smelly bottom in your lovely snuggly new dressing gown? Bleugh
Spend his amazon vouchers on tights. Then he'll really have cause to moan

CheerfulYank Thu 17-Jan-13 22:30:39

Yanbu. I'd kill him!

Jux Thu 17-Jan-13 22:43:33

An iPad? OK, hide the charger cable. Play with the iPad when he's not around and make bookmarks to all the really girly sites you can find. Download loads of music he doesn't like. Get the Kindle app and download as many Austen, Gaskell, Hardy etc classics you can. Fill up the memory with stuff he doesn't want. Change his settings.

Load a picture of a torn dressing gown and set it as the wallpaper. grin

I'm not being entirely serious, but none of it is more than a bit of a nuisance and won't cause him more than some inconvenience, but will taint his new gadget. Then you can tell him he's being petty and selfish.

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