To be totally miffed at this? Family member with MH issues

(36 Posts)
Charlie97 Thu 17-Jan-13 05:53:04

I have a sister who is extremely unwell at the moment, she is bi polar and has a personality disorder! SHe has not been taking her meds and for the first time in 15 years has become a danger to herself and others!

I spotted this early on, tried to talk and get her to attend drs, to no avail. So I took control of the situation, I contacted her GP also my GP, explained my worries! My GP is wonderful and also confirmed her worries and that my sister needed a mental health assessment! So cutting a long story short! A very very stressful 10 days ensued! Police involvement, lots of anger from my sister to me, lots of dashing round to various places to ensure my sister was safe, not harmed herself etc etc!

I am pleased to say that last Friday, she was taken to hospital and is safe! Refusing to see family at the moment, but once things have settled down that will change!

I am now met with the drama of the rest of my family, who did sod all! And now saying to me, don't you feel bad you did that? No, I don't, should I? I had to take control to ensure everyone was safe, my sister has suicidal tendencies and things were escalating alarmingly! A mental health assessment is a medical decision, not me ringing and having the power to throw someone in an institution as it was 200 years ago!

In short I am being made to feel wrong, this is now that my sister is safe and well! Before that I was being harassed every five minutes to get things sorted!

I have had to get up and leave my office twice to rush 10 miles to deal with situations! And loads of other stuff outside work hours!The others have done nothing!

In short I was damed if I did and damned if I didn't!

I feel to call a family meeting and explain this all to them and that we are all responsible to try and ensure that our sister does not get this ill again!

I would call a meeting, but I am so bloody angry at their now whoa are us attitude, that I can't be bothered to see them!

I hope I don't come across as heartless, I'm not, but my sister as a doctor and social worker said was extremely unwell and is now receiving treatment, she will now get better!

I think my family are uncomfortable with mental health issues and don't see that this situation was the same as if she had a physical life threatening illness! She needed hospital care!

AIBU to feel outraged by the rest of the family?

AngelWreakinHavoc Thu 17-Jan-13 21:07:54

I had a complete mental breakdown 5 years ago and had no one to help. I lost my home, my kids and my life, I was screaming out for help at the time and I never got it till I finally cracked. I wish I had a Sister back then like you. You absolutley did the right thing smile thanks

Charlie97 Thu 17-Jan-13 21:08:57

Oh angel I am so sorry to hear that, dreadfully sad x x

GregBishopsBottomBitch Thu 17-Jan-13 21:14:57

Charlie It takes real love to do something like that, she obviously needs help, well done for braving the storm and getting her safe, she may not thank you now, but one day she might.

Luckily your sister had you around op to look out for her.

Too many people like horatio don't think it's their responsibility if a family member becomes unwell, when it's so important that they get the help and support they need ASAP before things progress

It's Horati*a*.

Admittedly I worded my post poorly: I didn't mean "why is it your business" but "why is it your responsibility" IYSWIM. I still don't see why it should have fallen to the OP to save her sister, and I wonder if the family has a history of ignoring problems until they either go away or explode.

OP, I'm sorry if I offended you. Next time I read a thread quickly and get confused, I'll just stay away.

Charlie97 Thu 17-Jan-13 21:41:00

Horatia is everyone said why is it my responsibility and no one did anything, then a lot of people including my sister would be in serious danger.

I took it as my responsibility because she is my sister and I could see she was unwell.

susanann Thu 17-Jan-13 22:40:13

well done charlie. perhaps your family didnt know how to cope with it and now feel embarrassed at their lack of action? so glad you stepped in. Hope your sis is soon well again.

Yfronts Fri 18-Jan-13 00:44:14

They seemed to play down her issues as they can't cope/understand/deal with it. But I recon you could have saved her life?

Is it worth writing to your sister (if allowed) to say that you took these steps because you love her deeply?

The problem with mental health is that it is an invisible disability. Some people just don't notice it or don't want to notice it until its too late.
She's lucky to have a sister like you. Hopefully she's going to be back on track soon.

AdoraBell Fri 18-Jan-13 01:58:55

It shouldn't be the OP's responsibility, but the fact is many people don't like the idea that their relative has MH issues. Neither of my parents took any responsibility when their son (my brother) had a complete breakdown, for example. It really is amazing what people can deny when they set their mind to it.

OP you absolutely did the right thing, even if your sister never acknowledges the fact, you quite probably saved her life.

One option re your family is to tell them now that next time intervention is needed X family member is to be called because you've done your turn. You may not feel comfortable doing that, if you don't then ignore me, but as long as you continue to drop everything and run to your sister's aid then no one else needs to put themselves out. I'm not saying you would be wrong to continue to rescue her, just that it shouldn't always fall to you.

Chottie Fri 18-Jan-13 05:49:29

You have been incredibly strong, dealing with a really difficult situation. From what you have posted, there was no other option. If everyone had stood back what would have happened then?!?!?

Do you think the other members of your family feel a bit guilty as they did nothing and attacking you is their way of dealing with it?

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