To report DH for drink driving?(186 Posts)
Every week or so, DH goes out with his mates. He drives there. He gets drunk. He drives home.
It sickens me. I have tried talking to him about it but he's just not interested.
He's out tonight, I know where he is, I know he will be drinking. I am at my wits' end.
Should I report him? Would the police be interested? I don't know when he will be driving home so I can't give them an exact time.
Or AIBU? I have tried talking to him about it and that hasn't worked - I feel if I don't report him, I am enabling his criminal and potential deadly behaviour.
Thank you for reading.
This is appalling. My DH needs his license to work and is also self-employed. He would never do this.
As a teenager I lost a classmate and my boyfriend's best mate in two separate drink drive accidents. I have told DH I will report anyone who drunk drives and I mean it.
I wouldn't tell him you had reported it. To me, that means he will think YOU have the problem, and so it is ok to drunk drive if you don't know. Not knowing who reported him will make him more paranoid and will hopefully have more effect.
Not sure whether he'll find out anyway that op reported him if he gets arrested? I'm wondering whether the police will have to serve papers including statements about what he was doing when he was stopped, and how come they stopped him.
I hate to tell you this, but chances are he wont get caught the first time you report him.
There was a regular at the pub I used to work in who would drive home in a rare old state, nothing anyone did or said would stop him. Because it was in a naice teeny village (he lived the next village along), there weren't regular police patrols. We (me and other staff) shopped him ..... not sure the total of times but I rang atleast half a dozen times and there were 7 other staff who would all ring if they saw him when they were on shift. It took three months for him to get caught, but when he did he was 4 times over the limit and lost his license for 2 years.
This is "a friend told me" because I didnt work at the pub then but another regular drink driver lost his license and started flying his helicopter to the pub, as no one could pull him over for that. I have this from lots of regulars that this is true and I saw the helicopter myself so I know he has one. As you can guess from the fact he had a helicopter, he was STINKING rich and a taxi would have cost him less than the fuel to fly but it was the principle apparently. The principle of being able to kill someone if he chose too I assume. Before he got his license back, they moved to a house just over the road from the pub, thank god.
Further to what Britta said....
My best friend parents used to go a social club in their city where they and most of their friend drank and drove home. Over the course of 2 weekends 9 people were caught and it came out that it was the wife of one of the members because she was sick of him and them doing it. They all blamed her! Even my friend said that they would have been fine if she hadnt dobbed them in. Not one of them to my knowledge accepted that if they hadnt been drinking and driving then they wouldnt have been in trouble, no it was the fault of the person who reported them
You absolutely did the right thing op
Is this a generational thing, because I wouldn't dream of driving a car anywhere after I'd had even a sip of alcohol. Some friends may have a half or a weak lager shandy, but most are totally abstemious (late 20s early 30s)
I do know plenty of middle age people who drive after consuming way over the limit and think nothing of it.
Well done for reporting him.
Let us know how you get on.
I have reported family members for drink driving previously, my alcoholic uncle (who has never passed a driving test) and BIL.
BIL was young and stupid and thought he was invincible, he didn't think about other people. He was caught, breathalysed, takento the police station and breathalysed again where he was just under the limit.
That was enough for him and he's never done it since. He knows I reported him, and he thanks me for it. On new yeas eve he came to our house with his gf, and he said straight away he was driving home. He drank tea all night, I was very proud of him.
Well done for reporting DH, it's not easy, but in the long run, you may have just saved a life or two.
A good friend of mine was killed at 17 by a drunk driver. The driver was his friend and was driving the car (just down the road to buy more booze). They hit a tree and he died instantly. The friend managed to avoid prison due to his age but killed himself a few years later due to his guilt That is the sort of devastation that your DH could produce.
The police did go to where DH was parked. I think they must have blown their cover though as he got in but didn't start driving. They said they suspectd he was going to drive over the limit and breathalysed him - he was way over
Obviously they couldn't do anything as he hadn't actually driven but they read him the riot act and told him what the maximum penalty could have been had they caught him driving. Needless to say he took a cab home.
He is really shaken by it. I don't know whether this will get him to stop doing it or if this is just a morning after thing which will go away next time there is a get together.
I will absolutely be calling the police if he does go out again with the intention of driving home drunk.
Where this leaves us, I am not sure. Certainly the man I married, or thought I married, wouldn't do such a dispicable thing.
Lots to think about.
Thank you am for sharing your thoughts and experiences though, it really helped me get a perspective on things. I am so sorry for those of you who have lost friends and loved ones to drunk drivers.
mycatrocks it sounds like what happened is the best possible thing and you were right to report him. I believe that had he so much turned the key, he could have been done. So I think it sounds like the police have handled it brilliantly and with a lot of sensitivity towards the circumstances and you tbh.
It means you aren't faced with the consequences of him having to go to court and him loosing his licence.
Perhaps seeing this anyone else in a similar position will be more likely to have the courage to do what you have.
With luck he'll take the hint.
I hope you are ok this morning though.
HE was lucky, they could have arrested him for being "drunk in charge of a motor vehicle" which has harsh punishments. If he has any points already on his license, he would most certainly lose it as the minimum penalty is 10 points.
Well done, OP. You've done the right thing.
What I find staggering is that he goes out knowing full well that he will drive back drunk! He goes out with the intention to get drunk and to drive back drunk. Shocking.
He was very lucky then, as I have been led to believe that getting in the car on the drivers side with the keys was enough to prove intent and can lead to prosecution. If I need to get something from the car when I have had a drink I open the car from the house leave the keys there and go to the car and get whatever it is, then lock the car on returning to the house for this reason.
Mycat - you strong woman you! You've tried to all to him, suggest alternatives and have now made a difficult but the right decision. With any luck, he would have been shook up enough to stop. I hope he does. If not, you might have to report again I a couple of weeks ut I really hope it doesn't come to that. Big hugs - that must have been hard for you to do.
Thank you all!
I think he was stopped as he put things in the passenger side (he had some work stuff with him) so he was near it and had keys etc but could have argued (and presumably did) that he wasn't going to drive? I am not sure tbh.
God I am so pissed off with him that he does this in the first place and has put me in this situation.
FWIW he is still quite shakey about it all. I am really hoping this is enough of a shock to make him stop being such a tosser.
He was very lucky not to be charged, my DH was prosecuted because he was asleep on the back seat of his car whilst drunk. He had his keys in his pocket and had zero intention of driving. He lost his license for two years and recieved points on his license, as a result he lost his job. It was very hard on all of us as we lived in middle of nowhere and had to walk 2 miles to nearest shop. (which he did without complaining)
I hope he has been shockedinto learning his lesson and will leave his keys at home next time. How did he get home that night?
cloud wow, then DH was lucky. He took a cab home. It's sooooo not hard to do. Hopefully he will see how easy it is and do it again next time.
Mycat i want to say well done too.
Before Christmas i began a thread about my DH drinking and driving after work on a Friday. It had been going on about 4 months i think. I wont try and link to it because it was a short thread as i felt so ashamed about it i chickened out of my own thread so there wasn't much to it
What there was, though, gave me shove to have the 'serious talk' with DH. Reporting him was an option beginning to swirl around in the back of my mind but i was struggling to face it.
I'm happy to say that the day we talked seriously about it he stopped going to the pub after work on Fridays and has stopped the 'one or two wont hurt' thing. He admitted he had to stop and was struggling with his drinking. I'm happy to say that so far he's still on the up
(AF, i hope you're reading x)
I wish you all the best OP. You absolutely did the right thing.
Well done for what you did.
I always say If you have enough money to get pissed up, then you have enough money to get a cab.
I hope he learns x
Also I wouldn't let on that you rang.
Next time he's pissed he might go mad at you.
Hopefully he will be so paranoid when he next goes in the pub as to 'who did it' he might thing it was a huge rugby type bloke, sitting at the bar & lets hope its scared him enough to never do it again.
Dont let on that you rang. Well done.
Well done for reporting him, I think you did the right thing, I don't think you need to tell him it was you, vintageviolets has a good point
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.