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to not wake up to find MiL giving her house guests a tour of my house?

(153 Posts)
abigboydidit Wed 16-Jan-13 13:12:24

So..am still a bit bleary eyed & stunned & it may be that I calm down once I wake up but I doubt it.

Am currently 39 weeks pregnant with DC2. Inlaws live relatively nearby so we gave them a house key a couple of weeks ago and emphasised that it was for labour related emergencies only. We have avoided giving them a key before as they have a history of invading our privacy (when I was on maternity leave with DS they would regularly turn up without warning or checking it was convenient. On one occasion I was in the ensuite shower and they appeared in our bedroom to inform me they were visiting). We told asked them not to visit without calling first but they constantly ignored this and continued to let themselves in if DS & I were napping to the point I got anxiety related insomnia and we asked for the key back.

So, DS is currently teething and I was up pretty much half hourly from 3-6am with him and then got him up & ready for nursery while DH headed to work. After dropping him off I went back to bed to recharge and was shocked to be woken about an hour later by voices in the hallway. In the confusion of wondering what was happening (initially I thought it was the radio) I was hoisting myself out of bed when MiL barged into our bedroom with 2 house guests she has visiting from USA. We have recently renovated our house and she explained she was giving them a tour as she was passing. She was really quite snide about the fact I was sleeping and made a few cruel jokes to her guests about me still being in bed at 11am when the breakfast dishes were still sitting on the kitchen table downstairs before heading out again. By the time I grabbed some clothes and composed myself to go downstairs (I was a bit teary and shaken) they had left.

I would welcome advice on what to do please. Unfortunately we are reliant on them for childcare when I go into labour so I know I can't do anything too hasty but I am very upset. I haven't called DH yet as he is likely to fly off the handle. I have spent the last hour or so feeling rather pathetic so am off for a shower now (with the key left in the lock!) and would welcome suggestions as to how I can draw a line under this.

elizaregina Thu 17-Jan-13 10:21:28

ooh was quoteing mole hill re play.

elizaregina Thu 17-Jan-13 10:20:38

me too doodles, I think pregnant women and mothers with NB are sacrosant....smile

DoodlesNoodles Thu 17-Jan-13 10:14:32

elizaregina

It also has a villain, a hero and a wronged dame.

Glad it's sorted though smile

elizaregina Thu 17-Jan-13 10:12:14

I love threads like these. A good three-act story structure, a cast of characters, heroes and villains, a quest for righteous justice, and above all a happy ending.

Woohoo! Applause for OP and DH and FIL.

grin

Good result OP, hope you can squeeze some more info out of your DH soon!

However all these posters with relatives that give guided tours of their houses... Do you live in bloody national trust houses or what?? grin

debinaboat Thu 17-Jan-13 09:19:04

Jeez there was only about 20posts when I started typing,got to learn to type faster smile

debinaboat Thu 17-Jan-13 09:16:46

This is why my mil will never get a key to my house!
I agree withpumpkin
If they live quite close,why don't they take your dc home to theirs if there is a labour emergency. You could leave a little bag of clothes ,toys,pjs etc . Enough for an overnight stay.

Adversecamber Thu 17-Jan-13 09:02:31

I think your MIL would get on well with the other evil MIL on the new baby thread.

Well done to your DH and downtrodden FIL

Whatdoiknowanyway Thu 17-Jan-13 08:59:08

Glad you got it sorted.
My mum had the key to my house. She would use it when I was out to put a big tin of homemade cakes just inside the door. Never came further in unless we were there or we had asked her to.
I miss her.

HoleyGhost Thu 17-Jan-13 08:15:19

Could you talk to nursery staff that your ds knows well about emergency childcare? Worked for us, we got a trusted babysitter with no strings attached.

HoleyGhost Thu 17-Jan-13 08:14:49

Could you talk to nursery staff that your ds knows well about emergency childcare? Worked for us, we got a trusted babysitter with no strings attached.

diddl Germany Thu 17-Jan-13 07:44:05

Well done OPs husband.

But does "all sorted" mean that she will still be supplying childcare?

In which case a bit of a hollow victory imo.

Great that FIL stepped in-perhaps he could see a rift developing-but it´s not really his say as to whether or not she withdraws childcare, is it?

Will FIL now be giving CC alone, then?

MolehillAlchemy Wed 16-Jan-13 22:32:24

I love threads like these. A good three-act story structure, a cast of characters, heroes and villains, a quest for righteous justice, and above all a happy ending.

Woohoo! Applause for OP and DH and FIL.

Allalonenow Belgium Wed 16-Jan-13 22:19:33

Well done to your DH.
My partner's sister used to do this, bringing her holiday guests to view a guided tour our house while we were away, it was a free day out for them, apparently she would serve them drinks!!

I discovered this by chance, when she called in one day with a total stranger in tow while I was there, and she was most put out when I sent them both packing.

I felt it was completely unacceptable to have strangers wandering freely amongst my private possessions, and I felt that the sister had betrayed my trust and overstepped so many boundaries.

I had an extra lock fitted; she is still not speaking to me.

sudaname Wed 16-Jan-13 22:04:42

Actually my mother was like this, a very matriarchal, controlling, strong minded woman who could morph into a weeping Joan of Arc at the merest hint of the 'It's not about you'' phrase.

She actually was overheard gleefully saying to the nurses when my first child was born ( a month early - l was staying with parents while now exh worked away )

'Ooh l prayed she would go into labour before next week (l was due to return home then) - l was dreading her going home then l wouldnt see the baby till it was a few months old' (we lived quite a distance away).

hmm and angry still that she would rather risk her daughter and grandchilds well being in a premature birth so she could have them all to herself for a few weeks rather than have them go home with babys dad to their own home when baby was safely due.

Yeah they do take the biscuit these controlling mums /mils.

LemonBreeland Wed 16-Jan-13 22:02:51

Well done yor DH. So pleased that your FIL and the guests also made their point,

DoodlesNoodles Wed 16-Jan-13 21:54:38

thanks for abigboydidits DH

abigboydidit Wed 16-Jan-13 21:53:05

GregBishopsBottomBitch - you have summed her right up! On Christmas Day I overheard a conversation between her and my sister-in-law's Mother. Basically the conversation was about my pregnancy and DC's impending arrival and how much we must all be looking forward to it. Now, to be clear DS's labour was pretty long and traumatic and ended in ECS but she was blissfully unaware of it all until DS arrived. I also never saw her for dust during the initial weeks after his arrival, when some interfering might have actually been useful. So - her reply?

"Looking forward to it? Oh am dreading it and just want it to be over. The last one was so horrendous with such a long recovery, the thought of all that again is just so upsetting.."

She is very lucky I was holding DS or I fear I would have let out a tirade angry

GregBishopsBottomBitch Wed 16-Jan-13 21:45:36

And yet she will still be cocooned in her own bubble of self-importance and think everyone is ganging up on her and it will still somehow be everyone else's fault apart from hers.

People like her rarely get over their self importance, it takes a big major event to chance it, and sometimes that would never work.

Like if someone loses a loved one, more so if its a small child, people like that whine, "Oh how could this happen to me"

Thumbwitch Wed 16-Jan-13 21:41:39

Oh that's brilliant! Not only did DH do the absolute right thing, get the key back and tell her she's utterly out of order; but her houseguests had already told her she was utterly out of order and even her own DH told her she was utterly out of order!! Fantastic.

And yet she will still be cocooned in her own bubble of self-importance and think everyone is ganging up on her and it will still somehow be everyone else's fault apart from hers. hmm

Whoops missed the update, hoping your MIL now gets a clue. I could see my MIL doing this she had form also.

OMG I'd let your Dh go off on her and let her take the huff, maybe her Dh will keep her in check then.
If you weren't about to deliver I'd say take the key back and tell her she's lost the plot.

abigboydidit Wed 16-Jan-13 21:38:57

Thanks everyone. Am truly shocked at FiL speaking up so desperate to know more about that. I will maybe manage to get a drip feed version over the next few days. Like you sudaname, my DH doesn't share my enjoyment of analysing every element of the interaction!

Am not surprised she stood her ground as she tends to go all huffy and childlike when challenged so wont have liked her guests questioning her. She has 3 sons and a docile doting husband who I think have all tended to ignore her pander to her over the years. It's only now, with the introduction of wives and families, that she's having to take other people's feelings on board!

GregBishopsBottomBitch Wed 16-Jan-13 21:14:13

Im glad DH went nuts at her, aswell as the house guests, at 39 weeks, losing sleep due to tending with a poorly child, your entitled to stay in be all day long if you should choose, and not worry about "Pop ins".

Yamyoid Wed 16-Jan-13 21:08:34

I always wondered if I was being unreasonable insisting fil announces his presence before letting himself in, especially as he lived with us for a while. He still has trouble with the etiquette sometimes. Relieved I'm nbu according to this thread. But he's not a patch on your mil, op. Really feel for you, hope you're feeling better now. She surely knows she was in the wrong, she just doesn't want to admit it.

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