to not wake up to find MiL giving her house guests a tour of my house?

(153 Posts)
abigboydidit Wed 16-Jan-13 13:12:24

So..am still a bit bleary eyed & stunned & it may be that I calm down once I wake up but I doubt it.

Am currently 39 weeks pregnant with DC2. Inlaws live relatively nearby so we gave them a house key a couple of weeks ago and emphasised that it was for labour related emergencies only. We have avoided giving them a key before as they have a history of invading our privacy (when I was on maternity leave with DS they would regularly turn up without warning or checking it was convenient. On one occasion I was in the ensuite shower and they appeared in our bedroom to inform me they were visiting). We told asked them not to visit without calling first but they constantly ignored this and continued to let themselves in if DS & I were napping to the point I got anxiety related insomnia and we asked for the key back.

So, DS is currently teething and I was up pretty much half hourly from 3-6am with him and then got him up & ready for nursery while DH headed to work. After dropping him off I went back to bed to recharge and was shocked to be woken about an hour later by voices in the hallway. In the confusion of wondering what was happening (initially I thought it was the radio) I was hoisting myself out of bed when MiL barged into our bedroom with 2 house guests she has visiting from USA. We have recently renovated our house and she explained she was giving them a tour as she was passing. She was really quite snide about the fact I was sleeping and made a few cruel jokes to her guests about me still being in bed at 11am when the breakfast dishes were still sitting on the kitchen table downstairs before heading out again. By the time I grabbed some clothes and composed myself to go downstairs (I was a bit teary and shaken) they had left.

I would welcome advice on what to do please. Unfortunately we are reliant on them for childcare when I go into labour so I know I can't do anything too hasty but I am very upset. I haven't called DH yet as he is likely to fly off the handle. I have spent the last hour or so feeling rather pathetic so am off for a shower now (with the key left in the lock!) and would welcome suggestions as to how I can draw a line under this.

feministefatale Wed 16-Jan-13 15:36:14

shock

Beg child care off someone else and then change your locks... she won't know till after she has tried to come in unasked!

OmgATalkingOnion Wed 16-Jan-13 15:38:13

Omg you poor thingshock. I'd have gone nuts. What an awful woman she sounds.

NewYearNewBoo Wed 16-Jan-13 15:48:14

That really is just awful of her, I would echo the plan to tell DH, let him fly off the handle. Also (sorry if it has been suggested, only skimmed most of the thread) get the key off her, immediately, and attach it inside DS's nursery bag then she can still collect him and let herself in at the appropriate and permitted time it would also mean someone else could collect him too.

nennypops Wed 16-Jan-13 15:57:52

Might it put her off if you took to wandering around the house stark naked?

Naked in this weather? grin

thegreylady Wed 16-Jan-13 16:05:27

Gosh that is rude! I have a key to dd's house as I childmind twice a week.If I need to go other times I phone first.If they are in and I am passing I usually ring from outside the house and I always ring the doorbell if they are in-I never let myself in!

DoodlesNoodles Wed 16-Jan-13 16:57:31

TBH. This is why it is best to have alternative childcare arrangements. She is going to do you a favour and probably thinks this gives her the right to enter you house whenever she wants.

It's much better to be self sufficient if possible. Unfortunately, it is so convenient and so much cheaper to use grandparents.

Hope it goes OK ths evening.

elizaregina Wed 16-Jan-13 18:06:12

I am really sorry op but I couldnt help grin at the cheek and irony here!! Coming into your house unnannouced then cheekily feeling embarrased as you were still in bed!!

Its parent to child behaviour isnt it bless her!

sudaname Wed 16-Jan-13 18:10:44

Exactly Eliza that's what l was trying to say about some parents still think they have jurisdiction over their 'childrens' homes. That's what it is l suppose, they still think theyre in authority.

'Bless her' - 'I'd bloody bless her'

FelicityWasSanta Wed 16-Jan-13 18:18:29

shock. Not surprised you're angry! Has DH been over there yet? Did he get the key?

FarrahFawcettsFlick Wed 16-Jan-13 18:19:20

You could have a second lock fitted. Use it when you don't want to be disturbed and for DH coming home in middle of day. Leave it unlocked when you need MiL to use the house for child care - she would use the original lock.

So shocked! Did dh give her what for? X

VivaLeBeaver Wed 16-Jan-13 18:24:38

You need to go round her house about 11pm tonight when she'll be in bed. Take your best mate and let yourself in.

Quick tour of downstairs, then burst into her bedroom, put the light on. Tell your mate that this is the bedroom, put light off and then both of you clatter down the stairs and out the front door. Shout over your shoulder that you're just showing your friend round.

See how she likes it!

She is unbelievably rude!

We have a small keysafe box. It is right next to a wall hung flower pot, so not visible for anybody just passing.

standingintheriver Wed 16-Jan-13 18:29:11

buy one of these bolt to an outside wall,in a discreet place.

Put the key in it, if an occasion arrises that needs someone to have access to your home, you can then text them the combination.

Loving BerthaTheBogCleaner's suggestion! grin

So OP, did DH rip her head off?

Cuddlyrunner Wed 16-Jan-13 18:30:27

It is outrageous and DH needs to have a word. (I have 3 adult ds and would never dream of walking in unannounced!)

Samnella Wed 16-Jan-13 18:34:24

I don't see why she needs a key now. You go into labour and give her the key as you leave and collect it once you return. That key needs to be returned and you and DH get her round and tell her to her face why its removed and how unacceptable her behaviour was. You have to be direct with these types.

OwlCatMouse Wed 16-Jan-13 18:34:55

Dear god... This is unbelievable!

Matildaduck Wed 16-Jan-13 18:39:54

Omg, i had exactly the same with mine!! Didn't end well i'm afraid :-(

You have to clearly spell out under NO circumstances can they enter your home without consent from you EVER. It is the greatest intrusion of privacy, she has abused your trust completely.

People without boundaries need harsh correction.

Alternative would be to parade some of your friends round her house..

MummytoMog Wed 16-Jan-13 18:51:03

ARGH. Worst nightmare. I thought my in laws were bad for not knocking before they wandered in, but at least they didn't bring guests and they have learnt that walking into our bedroom unnannounced is BAD

Lavenderhoney Wed 16-Jan-13 18:55:01

Just read this. Don't leave a key anywhere outside as its the first thing burglars look for. We leave an emergency key with our neighbours and dh has one at work.

Get the key off her and tell her why. Don't worry about hurting her feelings, she doesn't mind upsetting you does she? Thank goodness your dh is angry and sticks up for you.

I do second alternative child are if possible, any mums you and your ds get on with? Or the nursery might be able to help with emergency labour care. who knows what she is rummaging through in your house when you are not there, plus the thought of being in bed bf a newborn and her barging in to show off her new gc would do my head in.

milf90 Wed 16-Jan-13 18:55:27

Any update?

2rebecca Wed 16-Jan-13 18:59:31

I would get the key back. if you need to leave the key for an emergency you can put it under a stone or something. I wouldn't tolerate this at all. If the inlaws live nearby then you can drop the kids off with them if you go into labour. They can entertain the kids at their house until you get home if they need to pick them up from nursery. I really would get the key back as you can't trust them not to enter your house uninvited.
I would have been angry with MIL and the US guests and told them this is your house not the local stately home and apologised for your MIL doing something so rude to the US guests.

Whoknowswhocares Wed 16-Jan-13 19:01:58

I wouldn't leave a key anywhere or let her in the house unattended at any time!The stupid woman will probably copy it as soon as she gets her hands on it and will start coming round when you aren't at home she has no concept of boundaries and tbh sounds completely mental
Good luck. Unfortunately it sounds like you are gong to need it.

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